30/08/2022
Day 363/365
Today was a relatively long day. With festivities around, i wanted to wind up early to prepare for tomorrow. Towards the end of the day, I got a request from a client who reached out stating that, he was extremely overwhelmed & wanted an immediate appointment, which was scheduled over the weekend. Understanding the urgency, i scheduled an appointment late in the evening. He was very disturbed & was experiencing a sense of threat that he was not able to comprehend. He had panic attacks & was extremely anxious. As we spoke, I explored that he was experiencing work place bullying. He felt targeted, the person he trusted most at work, his boss had backstabbed him. He was his confidant, he banked on him for all good things at work, although he was an efficient employee himself. He had good leadership skills, was skilled, & was always on top of his game. So there was no way that his boss would abandon him & choose another for a prestigious project he was already working on. The idea, initiation, design, planning was all done by him. When it came to driving, it was easily given to someone else. It was like he dropped a huge boulder on him. He felt betrayed. He confronted him & that led to he being targeted. From then on, everyday at work, for 2 months now, he is made to feel no good, not skilled enough, bullied & mocked in front of his peers & subordinates. This led to he questioning himself, wondering what could have been done better or what could have led to betrayal. These questions kept him stuck & spiralling in the same place. His panic attacks were an outcome of the sense of threat he was experiencing from these thoughts. I could see he was clearly operating from survival mode. I worked with him on understanding his fears, his distress where it was stemming from & taking accountability for his situation & in finding tools to support himself through this. Most often we suffer not because of the situation alone, but because of the stories we tell ourselves about the experiences. We get swallowed up by life because of our own insecurities.
Here is a story to reflect on..
Two seeds lay side by side in the fertile spring soil. The first seed said, “I want to grow! I want to send my roots deep into the soil beneath me, and thrust my sprouts through the earth’s crust above me. I want to unfurl my tender buds like banners to announce the arrival of spring. I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face and the blessing of the morning dew on my petals!” And so it grew.
The second seed said, “I am afraid. If I send my roots into the ground below, I don’t know what I will encounter in the dark. If I push my way through the hard soil above me I may damage my delicate sprouts, what if I let my buds open and a snail tries to eat them? And if I were to open my blossoms, a small child may pull me from the ground. No, it is much better for me to wait until it is safe.” And so it waited.
A yard Hen scratching around in the early spring ground for food found the waiting seed and promptly ate it.
Work place bullying is very real and exists in most work places. I meet at least one client everyday talking to me about this in one way or the other. It can be very subtle, it may not always be visible to others. It can be verbal or psychological in nature. It is a targeted behaviour. It might be spiteful, offensive, mocking, or intimidating but forming a pattern, and it tends to be directed at one person or a few people. It can be experienced or seen as
targeted practical jokes, being purposely misled about work duties, like incorrect deadlines or unclear directions, continued denial of requests for time off without an appropriate or valid reason, threats, humiliation, other verbal abuse, excessive performance monitoring, overly harsh or unjust criticism etc.
No matter what way it is done, workplace bullying can have significant, serious effects on physical and mental health.
