03/08/2024
Worry less, Be happier. Feel light and free.
Worrying is a recursive mental attempt to resolve a situation that has an uncertain, possibly negative outcome. As a mental operation, it is similar to rumination in that both are repetitive and self-focussed, and feature an inability to shift attention from negative thoughts. Both activities also harm attention, erode problem-solving, and worsen mood. The distinction between them is that rumination typically involves brooding on trouble in the past, whereas worry usually focuses on events that, to your knowledge, have not yet occurred. You ruminate on a bad conversation you had yesterday; you worry about the conversation you need to have tomorrow.
worrying per se could somehow ward off negative events and prevent them from occurring.
Chronic worriers tend to be people who deal poorly with uncertainty, who struggle with narrowed focus, are self-conscious, and have social anxiety.
We know that people tend to become less neurotic as they age, but it is also possible that they simply have less to worry about at 90 than they did at 40. (All the more reason to look forward to getting old.)
On top of everything else, worrying is not based in reality most of the time. As the stoic philosopher Seneca noted, “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.” His assertion bears up under empirical scrutiny. According to research from 2020 in the journal Behavior Therapy, 91 percent of the things studied participants worried about did not come to pass. This means that for every bad thing that happens, chronic worriers suffer for 10. If nothing else, this is a colossal waste of valuable time, and we should all find ways to avoid it.
1. Write your worry down.
Anxiety, of which worry is a component, is essentially just unfocused fear. Much better to focus the fear by articulating it to yourself. You can do this by making a list: When you are worried about a bunch of things, take a sheet of paper and write down the five that you’re most anxious about. This is an effective metacognitive technique— thinking about thinking—that defines and puts limits around the sources of your discomfort. Naming them in a list makes them emotionally manageable.
2. Focus on outcomes, not problems.
Remember that worry generally focuses on problems but avoids actual outcomes. So, on your worry list, write down the best outcome for each problem, the worst outcome, and the most likely outcome. Then add what you would do in each instance. This makes the source of worry specific and gives you a management plan. With that, you’ll be able to park the problem mentally and experience relief from worry.
3. Fight your superstition.
Give up the magical thinking that if you torture yourself enough about some uncertainty, you will somehow improve the situation. Perseverative worry will not give you some unique insight, nor will you alter the universe through the power of your thoughts. “Worrying won’t help.” Tell yourself “My worrying will not change the course of events.,”
4. Seize the day.
Worry robs you of valuable time in your life. When you wake up in the morning, declare your intention to stop spending time this way: “I don’t know what this day will bring, I will not waste my time worrying about things I cannot control.”
One more point: One possible countermeasure for a chronic worrier is to ask yourself whether something or someone might be encouraging this in you for some gain of their own. That’s why doomscrolling—obsessively reading bad news—is good for business but bad for you.
The one profiting from your worry might be closer still. One of the hallmarks of a toxic relationship is one in which you are purposely and systematically made to feel anxious and fretful, making you more pliable and easier to manipulate.
You have no responsibility to give your support, votes, attention, or affection to someone who will use your anxiety to their advantage. If someone or something is prospering from your worries, this might be the year to declare independence.
