21/11/2025
Research shows that many children learn to suppress their emotions not because they’re naturally calm, but because they were taught their feelings are “too much.”
They’re hurting silently because the adults around them told them ...
“Stop crying.”
“Don’t be angry.”
“You’re fine.”
“Go to your room if you’re going to act like that,”
Their brain isn’t learning emotional regulation.
It’s learning emotional suppression.
Their mind is learning:
“I’m not allowed to feel this.”
“My emotions make others uncomfortable.”
“I should deal with this alone.”
“Calm means hiding, not healing.”
According to Gross & John (2003), suppressing emotions increases stress, decreases authentic regulation, and leads to poorer social and emotional functioning.
Emotion doesn’t disappear when buried; it leaks out later as anxiety, irritability, explosive anger, or numbness.
Research shows that naming and validating feelings activates neural pathways that support emotional regulation and decrease distress (Lieberman et al., 2007).
Healthy emotional regulation doesn’t come from shutting emotions down. It comes from being guided through them.
So instead of:
“Stop crying.”
Try:
→ “You’re upset. I’m here.”
→ “Your feelings make sense.”
→ “Let’s figure this out together.”
→ “It’s safe to feel what you feel.”
You’re not raising a child who fears their emotions. You’re raising a child who can navigate them.
Your words, tone and body language are very important to navigate emotion and behaviour in a positive direction for the healthy growth of an individual.