12/11/2024
Everybody seems to know what a happy couple or family is. A happy couple or family has characteristics that we can point to and on which we can probably agree. What are these characteristics? Happy couples and families, by our definition, usually possess some combination of these features. They
* Hear each other
* Own their feelings and ideas
* Exchange ideas so that a good fit is achieved
* Ask each other questions, rather than making assumptions
* Disagree and accept differences without fear
* Accommodate each other
* Fight for what feels “right” and “good” for each other
* Start, develop, and finish a discussion or event and then let it go
* Share pains, curiosities, regrets, resentments, tenderness - a variety of needs and wants
* Learn to accept a “yes” gratefully and a “no” graciously without holding onto resentment
* Move from one experience to another without getting stuck
* Let go of wanting something that is hopelessly unavailable
* Laugh at themselves
* Influence each other
* Support each other’s interests and projects
* Show pride and compassion for each other’s accomplishments and setbacks
* Respect each other’s privacy and, at the same time, intrude when another withdraws in pain
* ”Mind each other’s business” when it comes to important
matters
* Tolerate strange and novel ideas from each other and dream together
Joseph Zinker - in Search of Good Form