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Adjustment Guidance Nagoya Therapist, 1 Chome-14-10 Yamada, Nagoya-shi (2025)

01/12/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/making-deep-connections-while-living-in-japan/

Being an expat in Japan can feel isolating, especially at this time year. Missing holiday traditions, old friends, and family often intensify feelings of loneliness and longing for deeper connections. Even though we are surrounded by people every day, we can still feel disconnected. Making deep, meaningful connections can be one of the more emotionally challenging parts of life here. There is a subtle emotional distance that makes it hard to have the type of sharing that builds intimacy. Over time, this can lead to a kind of quiet isolation, even while being technically “connected.” Because of this, it’s easy to slip into patterns of self-doubt (“Why can’t I make close friends here?”) or self-blame (“Maybe I’m not trying hard enough”). But the truth is, connection in Japan takes time. As an expat, connections are built differently than in our home countries. Connections build slower because there is the hurdle of overcoming pre-existing loss. Japanese nationals and expats alike need to know how long you intend to be in Japan. They need time to trust that you won’t just up and leave one day without any warning.

This can feel frustrating if you’re not used to having transparency about your future plans or if you’re unsure about how long you want to be in Japan or what you want out of your time here. Being able to talk about your intentions and expectations for life in Japan opens the door for deeper conversations and deeper connections. It also helps you find like-minded people. Finding people whose intentions match your own creates a path to friendship that is grounded in trust, understanding, and shared goals. A big part of this authenticity is the right amount of adaptation. Being you while fitting in is a balancing act. Deciding which cultural norms to adopt and which to let go is an important part of being your full self in a new cultural context. Allowing yourself time to explore and find the spaces you enjoy will provide opportunities to meet people with shared interests. This time of exploration will also help you get comfortable spending time on your own and discovering the new you. One of the gifts of being an expat is that you have the ability to choose who you want to be.

While you are seeking connections with others you should also be seeking to connect with yourself. Taking time to truly ground yourself and examine what you like about yourself and what you would like to change can ensure that the new connections you make are healthy. When you feel anchored internally, it becomes easier to reach out externally — to take the risk of being seen and to let others in. Seeking new connections gives us the space to reflect on what characteristics we value in our close connections. Crafting deep connections requires patience, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow in how we understand closeness. Over time, the effort pays off in relationships that are steady, loyal, and deeply meaningful. Connecting is about showing up for others as well as yourself. Showing up with an open heart, curious mind, and a willing spirit of adventure ensures that we are maximizing our existing connections while forming new ones. Knowing yourself will help you find your places of belonging.

Being an expat in Japan can feel isolating, especially at this time year. Missing holiday traditions, old friends, and family often intensify feelings of loneliness and longing for deeper connections. Even though we are surrounded by people every day, we can still feel disconnected. Making deep, mea...

24/11/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/how-to-stop-negative-self-talk-from-running-the-show/

We all have an inner voice, and sometimes it becomes a constant stream of comments and criticism about what we do, how we feel, and how we think. This voice can become our harshest critic, hitting where it hurts the most. When negative self-talk takes over, it can distort reality, fuel anxiety, and chip away at self-worth. It can feel like being tortured and create an internal world driven by fear and cruelty. The critical voice can take over and make us feel like we are less than and unworthy of happiness and incapable of success. It can convince us that things will never get better, but that is just another lie. With practice, we can learn that critical voice isn’t the ultimate truth, and we can learn to turn the volume down. We can get our objective mind back in the driver's seat and start to see ourselves for who we truly are. Once we are no longer driven by our inner critic, we can realize our true potential.

Here’s how to stop negative self-talk from running the show and to get our inner critic out of the driver’s seat. Sadly, ignoring it is not a viable option. Instead, I recommend paying attention to when our inner critic is at its worst. This will help us understand what our inner critic is trying to do. Does it speak up to stop you from doing things or come in after the fact to punish you for not being perfect? Is it trying to protect you or pushing you towards perfection? Knowing who the critic's co-pilot is can help you understand the goal. The critic is not there to harm you. It is trying to guide toward or away from something. It does this by exaggerating facts and blowing things up to be bigger than they are. The next time the critic speaks up, ask yourself, "what purpose does this serve? What is this comment meant to keep me from or push me towards?" Understanding the direction it is trying to move you can help you figure out the goals of this dysfunctional protective voice and develop better ways to keep yourself safe. To help support the process, challenge your inner critic to be constructive rather than just critical to build an internal evaluation system that is fair, balanced and helpful.

A negative statement is just hurtful, unconstructive criticism and serves no real value. Constructive criticism starts with an honest assessment of performance with the correct scope and scale. We very rarely “mess everything up”. We do from time to time let ourselves down or deliver less than our best. Ask yourself, "what don’t I like about what just happened?" Then try to answer with compassion or professionalism. The way you would answer if talking to someone you loved or a subordinate at work. Over time, this will retrain your internal critic to focus on what is productive rather than punishing you. Over time, this practice will rewire the brain toward balance and resilience, allowing you to recover from setbacks faster and with greater emotional stability. It also helps to build in a practice of acknowledging what you do well. It can help to celebrate your victories, shifting the focus away from criticism and towards positivity. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about recognizing and celebrating progress, not perfection. Over time, this helps retrain your brain to embrace fairness and balance rather than defaulting to the negative.

We all have an inner voice, and sometimes it becomes a constant stream of comments and criticism about what we do, how we feel, and how we think. This voice can become our harshest critic, hitting where it hurts the most. When negative self-talk takes over, it can distort reality, fuel anxiety, and....

17/11/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/living-with-high-functioning-anxiety-the-hidden-battle/

Struggling with anxiety is often a hidden battle. We often do a god job of hiding anxiety and looking like we have everything under control. We get up, go to work, meet deadlines, and keep our commitments. We smile, make small talk, and help others when they’re struggling. But inside, there’s a constant hum of worry. We don’t tell anyone about the tightness in our chest, muscle pain, sleepless nights, or racing mind that never seems to stop. We keep on functioning while anxious. We appear “fine” on the outside while managing a storm on the inside. Those who struggle with high-functioning anxiety often carry a heavy emotional load that others can’t see. The drive to perform well, to meet expectations, or to avoid disappointing others can mask deep feelings of fear and self-doubt. No-one knows that we are constantly replaying conversations, wondering if we said something wrong. That we feel tense, even in moments that we are supposed to be relaxing. That we are constantly overworking ourselves to prove our worth.

From the outside looking in, those with high functioning anxiety look organized and successful. Inside, they feel exhausted from the struggle to hold everything together with very little rest. Anxiety tricks us into believing that constant overthinking and overworking are the very things keeping us safe. The truth is this constant vigilance comes at a cost. The body stays in a state of alert, the nervous system rarely gets to rest, and the line between coping and burning out becomes dangerously thin. With managing functional anxiety, the goal isn’t to stop functioning but rather to learn how to function with more gentleness and awareness. By acknowledging that we are feeling anxious and anxiety is in the driver seat, we are taking the first step in changing our behaviors. Once we acknowledge that we are anxious, we can create space with de-escalation techniques. One helpful de-escalation technique is to take a break and ground ourselves. Once we are grounded, we can make a plan that increases our ability to feel safe.

Another helpful strategy is to let people in on how much we are struggling. While it may not be the best option to lean on co-workers, we can look for support from our intimate partner, family, or friends. Letting people in can give us a sounding board and extra support. Talking with a therapist or helpline can also give much needed support and an objective view of things that are causing anxiety. Objectivity and distance can really help when battling anxiety. Having an outside perspective helps us get out of our head and back into our body. Struggling with functional anxiety reflects a lot of mental strength. But that strength doesn’t have to come from pushing through pain. It can come from slowing down, setting boundaries, and allowing ourselves to be human. Everyone deserves to function from a place of calm and self-compassion. Everyone deserves to be treated kindly as we move through each day. We all deserve to be treated with compassion. This is especially true when talking about our internal lives and how we treat ourselves.

Struggling with anxiety is often a hidden battle. We often do a god job of hiding anxiety and looking like we have everything under control. We get up, go to work, meet deadlines, and keep our commitments. We smile, make small talk, and help others when they’re struggling. But inside, there’s a ...

10/11/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/how-attachment-styles-impact-our-relationships/

Our attachment is a blend of who we came into the world as and what our childhood taught us about relationships and safety. Our understanding of what a safe relationship is and how we contribute to that safety forms the foundation of our attachment style. How our parents expressed love in our early years also contributes a great deal to our attachment styles. When we reach adolescence, our friendships further shape our attachment style. By the end of puberty, our attachment style is pretty much locked in. Understanding our attachment style is important because attachment is how we receive and give love. Attachment styles also dictate how trusting we are and how communicative we are. Those with a secure attachment style feel safe and are comfortable with commitment and emotional intimacy. They also feel very little fear about the strength of their love and others' love for them. They can set boundaries and resolve conflict without lashing out.

People with an anxious attachment style generally feel like they aren't getting enough in their relationship. No matter how much their partner gives, it is not enough to make them feel secure. This is because they do not feel secure in the relationship and are very worried about being abandoned. For those with an anxious attachment style, relationships feel precarious. While those with an anxious attachment style crave reassurance and closeness, those with avoidant attachment crave independence. Those with an avoidant attachment style struggle to let their walls down and often feel smothered by their partner. They also tend to avoid conflict and may leave during disagreements. The fourth and final type of attachment stye is disorganized. Disorganized attachment causes a lot of internal conflict. Those with disorganized attachment tend to be very intense and struggle to manage their emotions. They crave intimacy and closeness but also fear it, and this results in mixed signals. They tend to push partners away while also trying to pull them in closer. They struggle to trust themselves and their partners.

Knowing our attachment styles can help deepen our understanding of why we give and receive love the way that we do and help us deconstruct patterns that aren’t working for us. We are able to adapt and change. With help, we can change our understanding of what love and secure dynamics feel and look like. We can shift toward more secure ways of relating. The work begins with knowing what our attachment style looks like and noticing when old fears or coping strategies show up. We can gently practice new ways of connecting with others while we lower our walls. Understanding what we need to feel safe and asking for it directly opens up the opportunity for those closest to us to do the same. With support, practice, and open communication, we can get our needs met in healthy ways while also meeting the needs of those closest to us.

Our attachment is a blend of who we came into the world as and what our childhood taught us about relationships and safety. Our understanding of what a safe relationship is and how we contribute to that safety forms the foundation of our attachment style. How our parents expressed love in our early....

03/11/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/coping-with-workplace-stress-and-burnout/

For most of us, work is a necessity and, for a few of us, our work can be a calling. No matter if we are working a job that makes our heart sing or working to survive, we all experience work stress and burnout. Workplace stress usually begins with feelings of being overwhelmed by deadlines, expectations, and responsibilities. If left unchecked, this feeling of being overwhelmed turns into stress and eventually leads to burnout. Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that can make it hard to function both at work and at home. Paying attention to our stress levels is a key component in reducing and preventing burnout. One of the first places we feel stress is in our bodies. It often shows up as tension in the body that is difficult to resolve. This can be tension in the face, neck, shoulders, and back. Changes in the digestive track are also an indication of stress. Stress impacts our thought processes, resulting in racing thoughts, irritability, and difficulty focusing. If you have these warning signs, addressing them early is essential.

To reduce stress, build a self-care routine in your daily life. Practices like a daily gradual muscle relaxation routine can help you get back in touch with your body and relieve muscle tension. Another key component in muscle relaxation is staying hydrated. Every system in the body needs water to function. Also try a variety of grounding exercises like deep belly breathing to recenter yourself when feeling stressed. Pay attention to stress triggers and signals so that you can improve your reaction time for bringing stress relieving practices into those moments of stress or overwhelm. There are also some preventative things we can do, such as making sure we have an adequate support system for difficult times. We also need to ensure that we have work-life balance and that our social needs are being met outside of work. We can curtail stress and prevent it from becoming burnout. Burnout develops gradually when stress is not managed over time.

Coping with burnout is a little different than coping with stress. Burnout has a lot of the same signs as stress but at a much more critical level. With burnout, it’s common to feel a sense of dread on workdays or feel exhausted even after a full night’s sleep. To have increased irritability, withdrawal, detachment, as well as a decrease in productivity and creativity. Fighting our way out of burnout starts with recognizing that we are at the end of our tether and then taking a step back and assessing what the root cause of the issue is. This begins with leaving work at work. Having clear cut off time in which we no longer answer emails or texts. We all need space to think about things other than work. Taking time off gives us the space to reflect on if our work environment or career path needs to shift. Look for ways to delegate some of your responsibilities to others and begin to adjust expectations. Decide if it’s time to explore new opportunities. Look for spaces and dynamics that allow you to create change at work and at home. By tuning into your needs, setting boundaries, making changes, and seeking support when necessary, you can create a healthier dynamic at work and home. Be kind to yourself and know that taking protective measures isn’t selfish—it’s essential to your well-being and mental health.

For most of us, work is a necessity and, for a few of us, our work can be a calling. No matter if we are working a job that makes our heart sing or working to survive, we all experience work stress and burnout. Workplace stress usually begins with feelings of being overwhelmed by deadlines,...

27/10/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/recognizing-trauma-responses-fight-flight-freeze-and-fawn/

Trauma can be caused by a lot of different experiences and can result in post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). The main difference between PTSD and CPTSD is the origin, duration, and types of traumas that are causing the lingering effects. With PTSD it is generally one event, and CPTSD is generally multiple events over an extended period. Trauma is caused by our ability to cope being overwhelmed. Traumatic events cause PTSD and CPTSD when our coping abilities remain overwhelmed for an extended period, leaving us feeling frightened, helpless, and unsafe long after the event is over. To cope with this feeling of overwhelm, one or more of four coping strategies come into play: fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. When we are recovering from PTSD, CPTSD, or general trauma, these trauma responses can pop up any time we feel triggered. Once we have experienced trauma, our trigger response becomes more sensitive because our sense of safety has been damaged. Our understanding of danger has changed.

To cope with our new understanding of danger and what leads to dangerous situations, our nervous system deploys one of the survival strategies of fight, flight, freeze or fawn based on our life experience. These responses are automatic processes that our nervous system has learned will keep us safe. Knowing what each response looks like and how they show up in daily life can help us better understand our responses, triggers, and trauma. A fight response is about de-escalation through confrontation. It can manifest as being quick to feel irritation, feeling defensive when receiving feedback, and always trying to win in a discussion or argument. It can also manifest as being snappish or verbally aggressive and in some cases even physically aggressive. In fight mode, standing your ground feels like survival. While fight is about not losing ground and using aggression to control and de-escalate the situation, flight is about escaping. Flight manifests as avoidance and is an attempt to outrun discomfort and run to safety. One of the most common ways flight manifests is through keeping yourself so busy that you don’t have time to think. Another is ghosting or avoiding contact with others when feeling overwhelmed.

The third response, freeze, often manifests as avoidance of starting things, your mind going blank, feeling disconnected, or feeling stuck. This is your mind hitting the breaks and your nervous system keeping you safe by not changing anything in the moment of overwhelm. Fawn on the other hand is about becoming the ultimate people pleaser. Fawn is about avoiding conflict by erasing your own needs. It manifests as saying yes even when you mean no, going along with the group, and laughing off hurtful comments. These four survival skills and trigger responses are all about staying safe. Knowing how they manifest allows you to identify situations that make you feel unsafe. When you notice yourself fighting, fleeing, freezing, or fawning in daily life, pause and ask; why do I feel unsafe? Ask yourself: is the current situation unsafe or is it reminding you of a past situation. Ask yourself what you need to restore your sense of safety and then be compassionate and do your best to give yourself what you need. Over time, noticing, asking yourself what you need, and then care-taking yourself will reduce trigger responses and help you connect with your current safety. If your current situation is unsafe, start to make a plan to change it and get help. You don’t have to do this alone.

Trauma can be caused by a lot of different experiences and can result in post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD). The main difference between PTSD and CPTSD is the origin, duration, and types of traumas that are causing the lingering effects. With PTSD...

20/10/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/striving-for-excellence-is-better-than-striving-for-perfection/

Striving for excellence, paying attention to detail, and holding high standards are all valuable traits that contribute to success. But it is important to understand the difference between perfection and excellence. At first glance, perfection and excellence may look the same because both reflect high standards. Yet in practice, the difference between them can make or break personal growth, career satisfaction, and mental health. Perfection is flawlessness. It’s a standard where nothing can be wrong, and no mistakes are allowed. While it can push us to deliver impressive results, perfectionism is often rooted in fear of failure, judgment, and not feeling good enough. The perfectionist view is “If it’s not perfect, it’s worthless.” The perfectionist focus is on avoiding mistakes, hiding flaws, and coming as close to flawlessness as possible rather than achieving success. Perfection often traps people in a cycle of “never enough,” where achievements are dismissed because something could always be better. The myth of perfectionism is that it will result in top-notch results that are thorough and polished. The truth of the matter is quite the opposite over the long term.

Over the long-term, perfectionists struggle with overthinking that often result in delays that slow down productivity. Constantly striving for flawlessness is mentally and physically exhausting, often resulting in burnout. Co-workers may feel micromanaged or pressured when a perfectionist’s standards are imposed on them, damaging team dynamics. This pressure erodes performance and well-being over time. In contrast, excellence builds confidence and brings out the best in everyone because the focus is about doing our best within realistic boundaries. Excellence values quality and improvement, but it leaves space for learning, mistakes, and growth. Unlike perfection, excellence is not rigid. Excellence encourages effort and progress. An excellence mindset is about doing our personal best. Excellence focuses on growth, continuous improvement, and meaningful achievement. Excellence is not about being flawless; it’s about being dedicated and intentional in your efforts.

Shifting from a perfectionist mindset to an excellence one will reduce burnout. In the beginning, the goal isn’t to eliminate perfectionism, but instead to make slight adjustments. Instead of perfect, aim for excellent. Understand that progress matters more than flawless ex*****on. Remember that mistakes are part of growth, not proof of failure. Ask yourself if your standards are achievable or if they’re fueled by fear of judgment. To help root out perfectionism, find a trusted feedback partner to break the cycle of over-refinement and reassure you that your work is strong. Acknowledge your accomplishments rather than only focusing on what could have been better. Be kind to yourself and celebrate your wins. With practice, you can transform perfectionism to an excellence mindset that supports both success and well-being.

Striving for excellence, paying attention to detail, and holding high standards are all valuable traits that contribute to success. But it is important to understand the difference between perfection and excellence. At first glance, perfection and excellence may look the same because both reflect hi...

13/10/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/how-to-create-a-daily-routine-that-supports-mental-health/

Building a daily routine that supports and promotes mental health and well-being begins the night before. Sleep is the cornerstone of good mental health. Good sleep hygiene looks different for everyone and begins with figuring out what your optimal hours of sleep are and then giving yourself the best possible chance of hitting that number every night. Sleep quality is as important as the number of hours slept. Having a comfortable pillow, bed setup, room temperature, light level, and sound level can greatly impact your sleep quality. Thinking about these factors and experimenting with different setups until you find your optimal one can greatly improve the number of hours you sleep and the quality of your sleep. Something that can improve sleep and our overall sense of well-being is exercise. You don’t need to go to the gym or walk 10,000 steps, but a light routine of stretching or some other coordinated movement helps reduce stress chemicals and calms the mind.

It might be a cliché, but cooking yourself at least one meal a week or more nourishes the body as well as the mind and signals to yourself that you are worth the effort. Going to the grocery store and looking at the fresh food and planning your meal signals that you care about yourself. Another true cliché is that it is important to stay hydrated, and this means drinking beverages that are caffeine free. Staying hydrated is super important for brain function. Dehydration causes impaired brain functioning, impaired nervous system functioning, and impacts mood regulation. In addition to feeding, moving, and hydrating the body, we should also be sure to take care of our hair, skin, and nails. Having a wellness routine that includes cleaning, exfoliating, and moisturizing our hair, nails and body can become time spent focusing on pampering ourselves. Such routines can become time set aside with intentions that help reduce stress and shut out negativity. We need time each day to quiet the noise and focus ourselves. We also need to be sure we are shutting off our autopilot and checking in with ourselves with a daily reflection of what went well and what we would like to improve for tomorrow.

Part of our reflection should include an exploration of if we set and held boundaries at work and in our personal lives. Did we uphold our personal standards? Are our standards realistic, and they do they allow for trial and error? Are we keeping perfectionism at bay? Do we know that mistakes are a learning opportunity? These questions help us connect with ourselves and set healthy expectations for ourselves and others. When we understand ourselves and set healthy expectations of ourselves and others, we reduce disappointment and resentment. Understanding our needs, including our social needs, is an important part of our well-being. Knowing where you sit on the introversion-extroversion spectrum can ensure that your time spent with others and alone recharges your social battery. Having the wrong amount of social connection greatly inhibits peace of mind. Thinking about your needs thoughtfully and proactively greatly improves overall well-being. Centering yourself and being intentional allows you to look at what works in your life and what doesn’t.

Building a daily routine that supports and promotes mental health and well-being begins the night before. Sleep is the cornerstone of good mental health. Good sleep hygiene looks different for everyone and begins with figuring out what your optimal hours of sleep are and then giving yourself the bes...

07/10/2025

Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/anxiety-vs-stress-knowing-the-difference/

Stress and anxiety are usually paired together or used interchangeably, but it is possible to experience stress without anxiety and vice versa. While stress can feed anxiety, they are two very different things. Stress is our bodies' response to pressure, insecurity, and demand and is generally a reaction to a specific situation or relationship dynamic. Stress is generally time limited and associated with deadlines and decisions. Mild stress can be motivating and helpful by focusing the mind. When stress reaches an unhealthy level, it can cause headaches, muscle tension, repetitive thinking, and insomnia. These are the same physical reactions we experience when anxious, but stress tends to be more time and situation limited whereas anxiety is much broader. Anxiety lingers beyond a specific event or situation. With anxiety, once the triggering event has passed, the feeling of unease persists leading to replaying it in our mind for weeks, months, or even years. Anxiety often makes it feel impossible to move on.

Anxiety distorts cause and effect and puts everything under a magnifying glass. Anxiety touches every aspect of life and is not limited to a specific dynamic or relationship and casts everything in a negative and dangerous light, disturbing our ability to experience peace of mind. In addition to the symptoms that overlap with stress, anxiety can cause a racing heartbeat, dizziness, a clammy feeling, ringing in the ears, cloudy thinking, and restlessness. Anxiety is like a slight buzzing in the background that is almost always present. Anxiety is heavier, harder to control, and far more disruptive to daily life than stress is. Both stress and anxiety should not be left to linger. Both have a negative impact on relationships and psychical health. Knowing the difference between stress and anxiety can allow you to shortcut the negative feedback loop. There are some similarities to coping with both but also some key differences. Stress is much more responsive to practical solutions such as making a to do list, breaking projects down into smaller parts, or talking things over with a friend or partner.

Anxiety on the other hand requires us to first ground ourselves. Finding the right grounding technique for you will take trial and error. For some, mindfulness, tapping, or meditation works. For others, using the 5-4-3-2-1 method, visualization, or personification works. Knowing that finding the right grounding technique for you is a process will help stave off frustration. A good grounding technique will shift your focus away from intrusive thoughts, creating space for you to regain your sense of safety. Once you have grounded yourself, then focus on one thing you can do to improve your situation. Focusing on one thing brings the problem and solution into manageable dimensions. Focusing on what you can change will highlight your talents and help you reclaim your power. We all have pockets of skills, and focusing on the positive aspects of your skills and how that can improve your life will reduce overall anxiety. Knowing the difference between stress and anxiety can help reduce both and have more good days than bad.

Stress and anxiety are usually paired together or used interchangeably, but it is possible to experience stress without anxiety and vice versa. While stress can feed anxiety, they are two very different things. Stress is our bodies’ response to pressure, insecurity, and demand and is generally a r...

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