01/12/2025
Latest Update to the Adjustment Guidance Blog: https://adjustmentguidance.com/making-deep-connections-while-living-in-japan/
Being an expat in Japan can feel isolating, especially at this time year. Missing holiday traditions, old friends, and family often intensify feelings of loneliness and longing for deeper connections. Even though we are surrounded by people every day, we can still feel disconnected. Making deep, meaningful connections can be one of the more emotionally challenging parts of life here. There is a subtle emotional distance that makes it hard to have the type of sharing that builds intimacy. Over time, this can lead to a kind of quiet isolation, even while being technically “connected.” Because of this, it’s easy to slip into patterns of self-doubt (“Why can’t I make close friends here?”) or self-blame (“Maybe I’m not trying hard enough”). But the truth is, connection in Japan takes time. As an expat, connections are built differently than in our home countries. Connections build slower because there is the hurdle of overcoming pre-existing loss. Japanese nationals and expats alike need to know how long you intend to be in Japan. They need time to trust that you won’t just up and leave one day without any warning.
This can feel frustrating if you’re not used to having transparency about your future plans or if you’re unsure about how long you want to be in Japan or what you want out of your time here. Being able to talk about your intentions and expectations for life in Japan opens the door for deeper conversations and deeper connections. It also helps you find like-minded people. Finding people whose intentions match your own creates a path to friendship that is grounded in trust, understanding, and shared goals. A big part of this authenticity is the right amount of adaptation. Being you while fitting in is a balancing act. Deciding which cultural norms to adopt and which to let go is an important part of being your full self in a new cultural context. Allowing yourself time to explore and find the spaces you enjoy will provide opportunities to meet people with shared interests. This time of exploration will also help you get comfortable spending time on your own and discovering the new you. One of the gifts of being an expat is that you have the ability to choose who you want to be.
While you are seeking connections with others you should also be seeking to connect with yourself. Taking time to truly ground yourself and examine what you like about yourself and what you would like to change can ensure that the new connections you make are healthy. When you feel anchored internally, it becomes easier to reach out externally — to take the risk of being seen and to let others in. Seeking new connections gives us the space to reflect on what characteristics we value in our close connections. Crafting deep connections requires patience, vulnerability, and a willingness to grow in how we understand closeness. Over time, the effort pays off in relationships that are steady, loyal, and deeply meaningful. Connecting is about showing up for others as well as yourself. Showing up with an open heart, curious mind, and a willing spirit of adventure ensures that we are maximizing our existing connections while forming new ones. Knowing yourself will help you find your places of belonging.
Being an expat in Japan can feel isolating, especially at this time year. Missing holiday traditions, old friends, and family often intensify feelings of loneliness and longing for deeper connections. Even though we are surrounded by people every day, we can still feel disconnected. Making deep, mea...