10/08/2020
Like many of you, I’m feeling weary this week. Some days I feel on top of my anxiety and some days it crashes over me. Some days I jump out of bed and think, “I got this! It’s going to be OK.” Other days I just want to hide under the covers until the world gets easier and I have a pandemic end-date, a funded universal commitment to social justice, and a back-to-school plan that keeps students, teachers, and staff safe.
I finished reading The Gifts audio book this afternoon. It’s the first time I’ve read it aloud, and when I came across this amazing quote - reading it made me feel better.
When I first discovered this quote, I thought about the not-so-pretty details from my pre-sober, pre-breakdown-spiritual-awakening life. I thought about all of the proving, perfecting, and pleasing. I never thought about how to apply this learning to the “here and now.”
Today, this quote shook me by the shoulders in a different way.
Not only is it impossible for me to go back and make the old details pretty, I can’t make the new details pretty today. Uncertainty and anxiety drive me to hyper-focus on the details, but all that does is ramp up my fear and exhaustion.
I think I’m going to try to move forward - in the wobbliest of ways - and refocus on the beautiful whole: Love, rest, justice, walking, water, connection, self-care, sleep, and joy. I'll keep you posted.
Stay awkward, brave, and kind,
BB
