Usha's Counselling

26/01/2026

Have you ever wondered why you get angry? Or maybe someone has told you 'Why are you always so angry?!'

We often try to manage anger by focusing on what triggered it — a child misbehaving, bad weather, or plans falling apart. But many times, anger isn’t really about what’s happening on the surface. It can come from something much deeper.

In this blog, I explore where anger really comes from, how we can begin to understand it better, and I share a few practical tips to help manage it.

If you feel you need support with your anger — or you know someone who might — you’re welcome to reach out to me for a counselling session on 5841 2640.

Take Care!

Anger usually gets bad press, but is that justified? Click here to find out a bit more about why we become angry.

20/01/2026

✨ BEING EMOTIONALLY MATURE DOESN’T MEAN YOU NEVER STRUGGLE —
IT MEANS YOU’VE LEARNED HOW TO MEET YOURSELF IN THE STRUGGLE. ✨

We hear the words *emotional intelligence* and *maturity* a lot, but what do they actually look like in real life? Not in theory — but in the way someone moves through their day, their relationships, and their difficult moments.

Here are some signs I’ve noticed in emotionally intelligent people:

1. They know when to step back
An emotionally intelligent person is attuned to their inner state. They can recognise when they are becoming overwhelmed, overstimulated, anxious, or emotionally flooded. Instead of pushing through and exploding later, they pause. They might leave a noisy room, take a few deep breaths, or choose a quieter space.
They understand something important: *sometimes I need to change my environment, because no one else will do that for me.*

2. They can take accountability
This is one of the biggest signs for me.
Emotionally mature people can admit when they are wrong. They take responsibility for their words, their behaviour, and the impact they have on others. They don’t deflect, distort, or gaslight. They don’t rush into defensive mode.
They are able to say, “I didn’t handle that well,” and mean it. That level of honesty shows real strength.

3. They know what helps them cope
They’ve taken the time to learn themselves. They know what calms them, what grounds them, and what helps when life feels chaotic.
This isn’t accidental — it comes from curiosity and self-reflection. They keep exploring new ways to regulate stress and enjoy life, because they want to be better for themselves and for the people around them.

4. They respond rather than react
When something difficult happens, they don’t immediately fire back with the same energy. They create a small space between the trigger and their response.
They might breathe, reflect, or step away before speaking. They’ve learned that emotions are valid, but emotions don’t need to drive the steering wheel.

5. They can say no without drowning in guilt
People-pleasing often looks “nice,” but it usually leads to resentment and exhaustion.
An emotionally mature person understands that saying no is not selfish — it’s self-care. They may still feel a little guilt, but they don’t let guilt make their decisions. They know they are allowed to choose themselves.

6. They set and reinforce boundaries
Boundaries don’t come naturally to most of us — they are practiced.
Emotionally intelligent people learn to express what is okay and what is not, and they understand something powerful: *I cannot control how others react to my boundaries, only how I respect my own.*

Emotional intelligence isn’t about being perfect or calm all the time.
It’s about awareness, responsibility, and a willingness to grow.
And all of these are skills — not traits you either have or don’t have.

—

17/01/2026

15/01/2026

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kytuP5Je1P0

I’ve recently re-started creating mental health–related videos on my YouTube channel, dedicated to counselling and emotional wellbeing. These videos are in a more relaxed and laid-back style, but they still focus on real mental health challenges, personal struggles, and the importance of self-care.

My aim is to help shine a light on topics that often stay unspoken – especially toxic and narcissistic relationship patterns. Toxicity in relationships can be so subtle that it becomes normal, and most of the time we don’t even question it. I want to raise awareness about the harm this can cause, particularly for those on the receiving end who know they feel hurt or unsettled, but can’t quite understand why.

If you feel this could be helpful to you or someone you know, please feel free to visit the channel, like, and share. I truly believe it’s important to keep spreading the word about mental health and reminding people that they are not alone.

And if you take the time to watch the video fully – thank you, I really appreciate your support 💛

Would you like me to:

09/01/2026

In my latest blog, I take a look at what happens when only one partner is putting in effort, and why love isn’t always enough to make a relationship work.

https://www.ushascounselling.com/but-i-still-love-them-when-one-partner-is-doing-all-the-work

02/01/2026

It wasn’t about the drinks… 🥂

A small moment from my life revealed something bigger about values, accountability, and what our gut really knows before our mind does. Read my personal story here:

In this personal blog, I share a story from my own life that helped me discover the deep values guiding my decisions, reactions, and relationships. It’s a reflection on listening to our instincts, understanding ourselves, and noticing how our values shape our connections with others.

24/09/2025

''So many women stay because of family. They think, “I made a promise, I have to honor it, I need to keep the family together.” But let’s be real: when we take vows, we promise to stand together “in sickness and in health”—not “in safety and in violence.” Abuse was never part of the deal.''

BBC News - How I found the confidence to leave my abusive husband after 47 years
https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cx2jpmk0lvgo

This is a short article about a woman who finally escaped an abusive marriage after 47 years. And it really struck me, because so often we assume that the longer a marriage lasts, the more “successful” it must be. But length doesn’t equal success—whether it’s in a relationship or even in a job. We need to be wary of making that assumption.

What I loved in her story was that she found freedom through something quite unexpected: a new hobby she picked up later in life. That hobby gave her new skills, new confidence, and probably new connections. It opened her up to a different world. And most importantly, it eventually gave her financial stability. That independence was the key that allowed her to leave safely. Because the truth is, without money or stability, many women simply cannot walk away from abusive partners.

This woman is in her 60s, part of a generation that lived through the 70s, 80s, and 90s, when domestic violence was often minimized or dismissed. It wasn’t taken seriously. And while today we’re still far from solving the problem, at least there’s more awareness, more education, and better support than there was back then. But for women who married during that earlier era, leaving is often even harder.

There’s also something called the “sunk cost fallacy”—the idea that because you’ve already invested so much time or effort into something, you feel you have to stick with it. Many women think, “Well, I’ve already stayed for 10, 20, 30 years. What’s the point of leaving now?” That mindset traps people in unhappy or even unsafe situations.

And then there are children. So many women stay because of family. They think, “I made a promise, I have to honor it, I need to keep the family together.” But let’s be real: when we take vows, we promise to stand together “in sickness and in health”—not “in safety and in violence.” Abuse was never part of the deal.

Another powerful part of her story is how many women minimize their own suffering because they feel their abuse “wasn’t bad enough.” Maybe their partner didn’t hit them, or didn’t cheat on them, so they question whether what they went through even counts. Society, and sometimes even partners themselves, gaslight women into believing that only physical abuse is “real abuse.” But abuse comes in many forms—emotional, financial, psychological, verbal—and it’s all valid.

That’s why I think this article is worth reading. It’s short, easy to take in, but deeply resonant. Women who have stayed in long marriages—whether marked by abuse or simply by relationships that no longer work—will find themselves reflected in her story.

Highland woman Eve Graham endured physical, mental and financial abuse during her long marriage.