Blue Lotus Mind Counseling

23/08/2025

Anxious attachment will take on the role of “feeling all the feelings” in the relationship in order to close the emotional distance, while avoidant attachment will take on the role of “turning down the emotional heat” in order to keep the peace. Both are important tasks but when balance is created in this way, it keeps each partner from expressing their full selves and living as emotionally balanced individuals. Nobody does this on purpose…..It all happens subconsciously and couples usually need help seeing how the pattern plays out so that it can be healed.
Those with disorganized attachment have an added layer of work. To see self and relationship improvement, they must first learn to trust the possibility of “good enough” others…..to trust that not everyone will ultimately betray, abandon, reject, humiliate, or harm them; to trust that even imperfect people can still be good and safe. Otherwise they will project historical threats onto present situations and become stuck in chronic triggers and reactivity.❤️

07/08/2024

High control relationships are toxic.

Yet parenting is still one of those areas where high control is seen as acceptable, necessary, and even “good.”

It’s time to re-examine that narrative and recognize the harm and oppression we cause children when we use our power over them.

If we want to raise healthy, whole children, we must check ourselves and resist our impulse to control.

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Posted • Of course correlation isn’t causation. But nearly a quarter of the studies were longitudinal—and the results were stronger there. Controlling parenting was problematic across North America, Western Europe, and East Asia. Source:
“Disentangling autonomy-supportive and psychologically controlling parenting: A meta-analysis of self-determination’s dual process model across cultures” (Bradshaw et al)

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14/05/2024

06/01/2024

It’s so hard to resist holding on… to let go of the past and how we envisioned our future. It’s challenging to trust that life is synchronistic and it will all work out just as it should. It’s such an idealist view of life, isn’t it? And yet when we’re not in the thick of emotions this concept is easy to understand and accept. It’s easy when love is flowing and life is making it rain bliss...It’s when the storms hit and people feed us this advice that we think, “Thanks for the tip bud. Now p**s off… I’m sad." Right?⁣⁠

But the truth is that life is always going to hand us s**t. Breakups, deaths, illness, job losses… whatever the low - they are a reality of being human. Our mortality is real. And yet despite the valuable time of each moment that ticks by we hold on to pain rather than feeling it. Why do we do that? The pain is familiar…it reminds us of a certainty we once had. If we had to let go… we enter the space of the unknown. But wow… that’s where the magic is.⁣⁠

So if we’re in the storm how do we just let go and trust? How do we know that it will all work out? One must not look far to see that in nature there are no mistakes. There are no accidents. Trees, flowers, animals… none of them think about all of these things… they just trust. We say they lack conscious awareness… but maybe they’re the ones who have it figured out? You don’t know what lies in your future… but I can tell you one thing for certain… when space is created in our lives it allows other people and experiences to enter. Your greatest moments are waiting, you just need to let go of the ones which have already passed.