02/12/2025
How Do Love Languages Shape Intimacy in Marriage?
There are certain concepts that everyone needs to know if they want to enjoy their marriage today. They help us do marriage better.
I mean, there are certain books, movies, and music we ought to have consumed. Right?
For example, if you want to be a great lover and have a great marriage, you definitely want to read books like the Bible, “Why You Act the Way You Do" , "Five Love Languages", etc.
There are resources in our generation that actually break down the principles which we all need to have a great relationship and the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is one of them. (Some day, "Romance Like God" will be that kind of book too).
Friends, understanding the love languages can help you and your spouse build a closer and more satisfying intimate life in the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
See, each person gives and receives love in different ways, and when these needs are met, trust me, emotional and physical connection becomes easier and more natural. It just flows.
Everyone has an Emotional Bank Account (EBA), people have emotional and love tanks that need to be regularly filled up with lots of deposits to match the romantic and sexual withdraws you need to feel and enjoy love.
We all have different personalities, and with these come different ways through which we give, receive and interpret love. Let's take a look again at the 5 Love Languages and see what the Bible also says about them:
1. Some people feel most loved through WORDS OF AFFIRMATION. Gentle compliments, appreciation, and kind speech can help them relax and feel desired.
Ephesians 4:29 (NLT) says, "Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."
You see, the phrase "good and helpful" perfectly covers gentle compliments and kind speech, and "encouragement" which aligns directly with making a spouse feel relaxed and desired.
"Kind words are like honey—sweet to the soul and healthy for the body." -Proverbs 16:24 (NLT). Colossians 4:6 (NLT) says, "Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right answer for everyone."
Proverbs 18:21 (NLT) further explains that "The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences."
Many times, the quality of the romance and intimacy in our marriage is dependent on the words we speak to our spouse.
"Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing." Proverbs 12:18 (NLT).
Affirming words, compliments and appreciation are the words of the wise spouse because they are intended to heal and build up, making your spouse feel safe and desired.
2. Others value QUALITY TIME, so spending unhurried moments together can strengthen bonding before sexual intimacy.
Don't forget that your spouse and marriage also need quantity time in addition to quality time.
Ephesians 5:15–16 (NLT) says, "So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days."
In my work as a counsellor, I can say that many couples don't actually make the most of every opportunity to be together. Some people get leave from work and spend it hanging out with their friends.
What if we target our office leave to be during the same period so that we can just be together?
3. ACTS OF SERVICE speak to partners who feel connected when their spouse helps with daily tasks.
"For you have been called to live in freedom, my brothers and sisters. But don’t use your freedom to satisfy your sinful nature. Instead, use your freedom to serve one another in love." -Galatians 5:13 (NLT)
The phrase "serve one another in love" is the biblical mandate for Acts of Service. Performing daily tasks for a spouse is a foundational way to put this Bible verse into action.
How well did you serve your spouse in November?
I believe you can do better this December.
4. For those who love receiving GIFTS, small thoughtful items can spark warmth and closeness. The three closest women to me have this as their love language. A sweet as cheap as N50 could do a lot.
"Gifts open doors and give access to important people." -Proverbs 18:16 (NLT)
The most important person in your life is obviously your spouse. The moment it becomes another person or thing, I just know that divorce may be the destination.
In your marriage, a gift is a tangible way to open the door to the spouse's heart, showing he/she is important and valued enough to warrant the time and effort of finding a thoughtful item.
In simple English, gifts can also open your spouse's legs.
5. Physical touch, when respectful and comforting, can also build trust and openness.
Song of Solomon 8:3 (NLT) says, "His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me."
I know and understand that people often interpret this book of the Bible only to mean Jesus' relationship with the church.
However, this poetic image provides an illustration of comforting physical touch within the marital relationship, demonstrating security and close connection, which are the opposite of fear and mistrust.
Let's not forget that "No one hates his own body but feeds and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church." Ephesians 5:29 (NLT).
Philippians 2:4 (NLT) instructs us “Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”
Taking an interest in your spouse is the very act of seeking to understand your spouse's Love Language (their primary way of receiving love) and being patient enough to deliver love in that form, thereby promoting their peace and the marriage's unity.
Loving your spouse properly through their love language is an easy way to have your spouse not just appreciate you but also easily take off their clothes in the bedroom.
Do you even know your love language?
Do you know your spouse's love language?
Maybe you need to book a session so we could discover yours.
It’s still I, Yours sincerely, Alright Eigbe, your favourite Counselling Psychologist and Family Lawyer.
You Rock!
