Dr Bintu, Kano (2025)

21/07/2023

We all saw & heard the stories - so & so abused a 4yr old, another a 6yrs old, and so on.

Sometimes, we hear that the offender was beaten, jailed, and so on. In rear cases, we hear that the victim was hospitalized but then that's all.

For one of such stories, 5-8 more were treated in silence - in an attempt not to cause shame for the victim or the family.

Has it ever occurred to you what those victims go through? They need support, care, and treatment... not just silence.

Beyond the physical pain, one of the dangers of CSA is that it leaves a permanent mark that lasts a lifetime (sometimes even several generations).

Getting support and care from someone who understands what the victim is going through usually goes a long way in ensuring that the effect of such a scar doesn't form or at least is erased early.

As a parent, you need an armor of knowledge of these consequences & dangers to enable you to provide the necessary support to your child or anyone who may fall victim.

Do not wait till something happens, it's always better to be ready and informed.

I and a group of well-meaning mothers are discussing the consequences and dangers of CSA tomorrow night.

Come join us by 8.15 pm in our telegram parents community.
Come with a plus one.

19/07/2023

The question about dealing with naturally increasing desires in teens comes up frequently, with the latest being from this concerned mother.

Swipe to read the ques ⏩.

I shared the following tips with her, which I think every concerned parent (mum & dad) should know & teach all children.

1. Acknowledge the existence of desires: it's natural and every healthy person will have £ urges. Tell them they exist, and you have it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of or sinful to have. Rather the most important thing is how you respond to it & what you do afterwards.

2. Prevent unnecessary desires: as much as it's natural, exposing the senses (sight & audio especially) is certain to stimulate such desires. It's best to prevent such situations or at least minimise them.

This is where act of lowering the gaze will be very useful including modest dressing, avoiding mixing with opposite gender and improper display of body parts even among same gender, separating beddings etc.

3. Keep them engaged: there's a saying that 'an idle mind is the devil's workshop', this is very true when it comes to s@xual desires as well. The mind that is occupied with somany things is less likely to have time to fantasize about other things.

4. Teach them to fast: fasting is the recommended remedy by the prophet SAW for anyone who can't afford to get married. It's sure way of controlling desires as well as learning the act of personal discipline.

Have more tips? Let's learn from you in the comments section.
Don't forget to share with other parents.

13/07/2023

Remember the story of Prophet Musa AS and Khidir in Suratul Kahf when on their journey, they fixed a certain fence that was about to collapse.

In explaining the wisdom behind that action, Khidir said, "And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the city, and there was beneath it a treasure for them, and their father had been righteous. So your Lord intended that they reach maturity and extract their treasure, as a mercy from your Lord."

The story shows how the righteousness of the father made Allah to protect their wealth.

The Lord that protected the wealth is certain to protect the body and health as well.

Be righteous for your Lord is the most merciful.

29/06/2023

Taqaballahu minna wa minkum.

May Allah also accept from those who were invited to Hajj and forgive all of our sins.

Eid Mubarak.

23/06/2023

To the majority of people, teaching about body safety and having those body safety rules at home is about preventing abuse in children.

What you may not know is that these rules can empower your children in many other positive ways. Here are a few:

1- Love for Allah: When talking about body safety rules, children should be taught that all rules are there to protect them and keep them safe from evil. Once they understand and appreciate mummy makes rules for me out of love, it will be easier for them to understand that Allah makes rules in the scriptures out of love for us - for our safety and protection. It becomes also easier to accept & obey.

2- Relationships: One of the easy ways to teach children about getting close to strangers is by using the concept of mahram and non-mahram. To make it easy, you can draw the family tree for your child thereby making them know their relatives & how relationships happen.

3- Respect: Body safety rules aren't complete without including the importance of consent. This includes saying respecting others when the wish of others when they don't consent. A child that understands that is less likely to violate the rights of others.

However, for your child to get all these (and more) you have to first set somebody's safety rules in your own home.

If you are ready to do that, you can join us on Saturday by 8.15 pm in our telegram parents community where we'll be discussing the body safety rules to have in every home. (Swipe ⏩⏩ to view)

See you then.
Dr. Bintu

20/06/2023

What's your opinion on this?
Truth or exaggerated?

16/06/2023

Befriending their target is one of the tactics that abusers use to get what they want from their victims....in a process called grooming.

But our children need to develop friendships and good relationships with the people around them.

The question however is, which kind of friendships are healthy? And which ones constitute s*xual grooming?

Therefore, if you notice any of the following, it may be time to put on your Sherlock Holmes hat;

- Excessive secretive behavior

- S*xualised behavior which is inappropriate for the age of that child.

- Sudden change in mood or behavior

-Unusual spending or possession of items not provided by you.

-Spending a long time away from home or going long hours without others knowing where they went.

While this can be observed in the child, you must learn more about grooming and groomers including steps they take to lure innocent kids.

That is the only way to identify them yourself, and as well teach your children to identify such tactics and avoid them.

Luckily, our topic for discussion tomorrow in our telegram parent community is all about grooming.

Take advantage of this opportunity to join us and learn too.

Share and invite your besties & sisters to join us.

If you are not in the group, find the link in my bio.

Can't wait to learn together with you.
Dr. Bintu.

14/06/2023

And of course, you know what happened next 😆😆.

Our parents always had ways of telling us stories to keep us safe and teach important life lessons.
Unfortunately, many children nowadays don't get that,... and some of them are too smart to fall for them as we did 🤷.

What childhood story were you told that you find funny yet impactful today?

Share with us and maybe another child will benefit from it.

Dr. Bintu.

12/06/2023

Keeping or exposing a secret can be a life-changing factor for a child being abused.

Perpetrators of s*xual abuse usually depend on the child keeping the act a secret to continue with the abuse. For their safety, therefore, we teach children not to keep secrets and always tell mummy everything & especially when another person tells them it's a SECRET.

As a mother, when I first learned this, I became worried that my child later became a blabbermouth- 'amebo', 'uwar-gulma' the town gossip that can't be trusted to keep secrets because that's what I taught her.

If like me you are concerned about this, then you need to teach not about secrets - but safe Vs unsafe secrets. You can tell them that;

The unsafe secret will make them feel uncomfortable and/or afraid, doubtful and may involve putting them or another person in danger.

Any secret that involves touching the body should is also unsafe, especially if the person threatens them.

These types of secrets must be reported immediately to mummy or other safe adults.

Safe secrets on the other hand will make them feel safe & kind and may involve surprises. We need to show responsibility & trust by not exposing safe secrets.

As we do that, Insha'Allah the kids will be able to differentiate what to say aloud and what to keep to themselves.

Ultimately, they will be able to report to you about any attempt at molesting or abusing them.

Found this useful?
Share with other amazing mums like you 🧡.

Don't forget to follow .bintu for more tips on preventing s*xual abuse in children.

09/06/2023

S*xual abuse in children can occur under a variety of circumstances.

However, what you may not know is that most of the time, the abusers simply take advantage of an everyday circumstances in the child's life.

This was reported by many studies to be the case in both planned and unplanned abuse.

Such circumstances make our children vulnerable & allow the abuser opportunity to attack.

Only by knowing and understanding the said circumstances can we minimize them to prevent CSA from happening.

That's why this week, we'll be talking about all the Major Risk factors leading to CSA in our parent community on telegram.

Come join us tomorrow Saturday by 8 pm. Click on the link in my bio to join.

Don't forget about your friends & other Mums, share and invite them to join us.

Can't wait to see you.
Dr. Bintu.

07/06/2023

I can't forget this story, even though I heard it long ago.

It was about a woman who was found dead on the roadside with a small girl beside her. The girl is around 3yrs old.

No one knew where they came from or the religion of the woman. And they wanted to know if she was a Muslim so they can give her an appropriate Janazah.

They were confused and didn't know what to do, till a wise man came and told them to get a prayer mat and spread it beside the girl. After doing that, the girl started touching the mother and calling her to come and pray.

Everyone was astonished, and the wise man explained that children always copy what they see from their parents. Because the mother prays, the child got used to it and knows to pray.

Imagine this is a very young girl who doesn't know the meaning of religion or why people pray...but she knows her mum prays.

You don't need to guess that this child will also be praying because -

They Watch and Copy What we do, More than They Listen to What we say.

Therefore, Be whatever you want them to be.
Be a Good Role Model.

Share this lesson.

Dr. Bintu.

05/06/2023

The truth is - there's no single way that gives 100% proof against . But that doesn't mean there's nothing you can do, or you shouldn't do anything.

Rather, it means you need a combination of strategies to foolproof your child against CSA.
And you are sure to get it right using the following steps:

1. Pray for them: let's face it... parenting is hard work, and sometimes we alone are not strong enough to conquer Shaytaan and his advocate. Pray and ask Allah to guide and protect them. As a parent, your prayers have a strong effect on them...take advantage of that power.

2. Have body safety rules: there should be body safety rules in your home that everyone abides by. All children must obey, likewise you and any other person around your child. It should cover what's allowed to be touched or seen and how. Anyone who breaks the rule should be immediately reported.

3. Minimise Chances of Abuse: Don't allow your child in isolation with anyone for long time, supervise their plays and activities & don't let your guard against anyone with your y. It's that bad - everyone is a potential abuser, so be vigilant; observe, monitor, and supervise everything.

4. Educate your child & build their self-esteem: a naive timid child is always an easy target for manipulation and exploitation. Don't let your child be one.

Found this useful? Share with other parents.

Follow .bintu to learn more on child s*xual abuse and it's prevention.

Dr Bintu

21/07/2023

19/07/2023

13/07/2023

29/06/2023

23/06/2023

20/06/2023

16/06/2023

14/06/2023

12/06/2023

09/06/2023

07/06/2023

05/06/2023

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