OursaFezone

22/01/2026

I decided to leave because I was tired.

Everything felt too stressful.

I often asked myself, “Why is my own like this?”

That day, I made up my mind to leave. I picked up my bag and prepared to go.

I felt they did not care about me, so I wondered why I should stay.

I did not run away. I simply took my bag and told them I was leaving.

They looked at each other in surprise and continued their discussion on the balcony.

After a few minutes, my mum looked at my dad, then at me, and asked me to at least eat and pray Zuhr before leaving, saying the journey ahead was long 🤣🤣.

Even though I was upset, I followed her advice. I ate and prayed. I cannot remember most of what they said after that, but I clearly remember they did not beg me to stay 🤣.

Later, I realised what had truly been bothering me.

My elder brothers and sisters were boarders, while my immediate elder brother and I were day students.

Over time, most of the house chores fell on me.

I envied my older siblings when they returned from school and were warmly welcomed.

I felt I had less time to play and rest. Sometimes, I even felt my dad was wicked.

So I decided to leave with no money in my bag.
I had no idea where I was going or how I would survive.
I did not think that far.

This is how teenagers think.
They do not see beyond the moment. They do not understand that after 6 comes 7, then 8, and many more steps ahead. They act on impulse, just as I did when I wanted to leave without a single kobo.

Some of us once felt unseen, misunderstood, and overwhelmed at home. As we grew older, we began to understand the sacrifices our parent made, the silent struggles they carried, and the hard work they put in out of love. With time, our perspective changed, and we loved them even more for it.

Teenagers do not yet have that wider view. They feel deeply, but they do not always understand fully.

What feels like neglect may actually be exhaustion. What feels like wickedness may be discipline mixed with responsibility.
That is why empathy matters.

This is not the time to tell them how ungrateful they are. Instead of criticising teenagers or comparing them to siblings and peers, a little empathy and understanding from their limited perspective can make a big difference.

This is not the time for long lectures. Sometimes, a hug, reassurance, and love are more effective than words.

Safezone Counselling

21/01/2026

Many of the challenges we face in marriage did not start in the marriage; they started before the marriage.

There is no perfect person anywhere. However, you must choose someone whose weaknesses you can live with without losing your peace of mind.

The Prophet ﷺ advised men to marry righteous women, and women to marry men of taqwa and good character.

Marry your kind of person. If you want your household to be built upon the tenets of Islam, then marry someone who is already committed to living that way.

Marry someone with similar religious values and practices. You cannot marry a brother who consistently misses ṣalāh and assume that marriage will suddenly turn him into a shaykh overnight.

If you desire a certain lifestyle, choose someone who already lives that lifestyle. Do not expect marriage to perform miracles.

Those aunties and uncles who push marriage proposals for their irresponsible relatives should desist.

Marriage is companionship, not a rehabilitation or correctional centre.

If someone is already insulting you and calling you names, and your mind keeps telling you that they will change after marriage, pause and reflect. Most of the issues you ignore now often become magnified later.

Do not marry a “prayer project,” where every duʿāʾ you make is for Allah to change your spouse so that you can have peace of mind.

And my sisters in particular, do not be swayed solely by the fact that a man appears righteous or is known as a preacher. These are good qualities, but look deeper, observe his behaviour, character, emotional maturity, and how he treats others.

Also, strive to be your best self for the right spouse. Become the kind of person you hope to marry.

Finally, always perform istikhārah, ask questions, observe character, and make informed decisions before marriage.

Safezone Counselling
@

20/01/2026

Why do you threaten to leave the marriage after every disagreement. Rather than focusing on the survival of the marriage, focus on the issue at hand

19/01/2026

The salient issues we rarely talk about

This is a conversation that was never properly introduced to us.
Schools did not teach it.
Parents barely mentioned it.
Instead, we were given broad advice: be good, fear Allah, and give your spouse their rights.

But no one explained what those “rights” look like in real marital life.

As a result, many couples enter marriage unprepared. Some end up learning about intimacy from haram sources. Others figure things out slowly through trial and error. Some eventually conclude that s*x is overhyped and stop looking forward to it at all. There are even newlyweds who go six or seven months without any s*xual relationship, confused and ashamed, yet unsure of what to do.

Because this topic is rarely discussed, many couples avoid talking about it with each other.
Over time, silence turns into frustration, and frustration becomes resentment.

In some marriages, the challenge is mismatched libido. When the man has a high libido, he is often advised to marry another wife. But when the woman has a high libido, she is viewed negatively or neglected.

There are also less-discussed situations where either the husband or the wife withdraws from intimacy for months, without explanation, medical support, or emotional reassurance.

Islam clearly states that when a woman unjustly refuses her husband, the angels curse her until morning. However, this raises an important and often ignored question: what if the problem is coming from the husband? What if he repeatedly withholds intimacy, neglects his wife’s emotional and physical needs, or denies her without valid reason?

This, too, is a denial of rights.
And it is not without spiritual consequence.

Sexual intimacy in marriage is not a favour, nor is it a shameful topic. It is a mutual right, a source of emotional bonding, and an act of worship when approached with responsibility and compassion.

Avoiding this conversation has left many couples struggling silently, carrying confusion, guilt, and unmet needs into their marriages.

Safezone Counselling

15/01/2026

It is not easy to be married upon. For many women I support through polygyny counselling, the experience comes with enormous pain and deep regret. Some regret not taking certain steps earlier, while others wish they had made different decisions before reaching their current situation.

For example, consider a woman who has been financially supporting her husband, carrying additional responsibilities for the sake of the family. Then, suddenly, he marries another wife. The shock is devastating. She feels deeply betrayed, and in her pain and anger, she withdraws her financial support—only to be told that she has “changed.”

Another major but often unspoken issue is the bedroom. Many wives cannot openly say that their husband is not s*xually satisfying them, even when he has the financial means. Unfortunately, some men receive misguided advice from other men, suggesting that marrying another wife will automatically improve their s*xual performance.

This is simply not true.

A car that cannot carry one person cannot suddenly carry two or more.

There may be an initial surge of excitement or adrenaline, but after that, things return to their usual state. Most women cannot speak about this openly.

What is even more painful is that the advice given to these women often focuses on how to live with a co-wife, when the real issue is not the co-wife at all, but the man himself.

For such men, the problem is not the need for a second wife.

What they truly need is medical and professional help

Safezone Counselling

14/01/2026

Prepare NOW!

Ramadan is almost here. It is time to prepare intentionally and sincerely.

Before the fast begins, pause and reflect.
What went well last Ramadan?
What did not work the way you hoped?

This reflection is not about guilt. It is about growth.

Now is the time to plan your leave at work, adjust your workload, or support a colleague so you can create space for yourself.

Ramadan should not be business as usual.

It is a sacred season meant for renewal, spiritual closeness, and inner calm.

Plan ahead for your health and meals.
Will you cook, prepare meals ahead, or get help?
What simple and nourishing foods will sustain your fast and protect your energy?
Ramadan is not meant to drain you physically.

Be intentional about your worship.
How will your Taraweeh be this year, at home or in the masjid?
Which lectures or reminders will you listen to?
How will you stay consistent with the Quran, dua, and quiet moments with Allah?

Reflect on your marital relationship.
How can you be more patient, loving, and supportive to your spouse during fasting?
How will you reduce tension and increase mercy in your home?

Think about your children too.
How will you prepare their hearts for Ramadan?
How can you motivate them gently and help them love this month rather than fear it?
What routines or traditions will make Ramadan meaningful for them?

Also ask yourself
What habits do I need to pause or let go of?

What distractions must I reduce?
What grudges do I need to release so my heart is lighter?

Ramadan does not begin on the first day of fasting.
It begins with intention, planning, and readiness of the heart.

Prepare your heart.
Prepare your home.
Prepare your relationships.

So when Ramadan arrives,
you are not overwhelmed. You are present 🌙✨

Safezone Counselling
@

13/01/2026

-confidence
selfesteem
selflove
boundaries
love
entrepreneur
womenempowerment
halal
alhamdulillah

13/01/2026

What makes polygyny difficult for many women is not the practice itself, but how it is introduced.

It often begins with haram interactions, secret chats, and emotional neglect at home. When a wife raises concerns, she is labelled jealous or insensitive. Such behaviour naturally creates suspicion and emotional distress.

Islam has already guided us on how marriage should be approached. It is not meant to follow a boyfriend girlfriend pattern, nor should an unlawful relationship or pregnancy become the basis for a second marriage.
Polygyny is halal and can serve important social purposes, but it should never be used as a threat. It must be practiced with honesty, justice, and respect for all involved.





-confidence
selfesteem
selflove
boundaries
love
entrepreneur
womenempowerment
halal
alhamdulillah

13/01/2026

What often makes polygyny particularly difficult for women is not the concept itself, but the manner in which the husband goes about marrying another wife.

In many cases, it begins with haram interactions, private chatting at inappropriate hours, emotional intimacy elsewhere while one’s wife is deprived of attention and care. When the wife raises concerns, she is frequently dismissed as jealous, insecure, or insensitive.

This pattern often escalates into secrecy and phone monitoring. It is important to recognise that certain behaviours naturally trigger suspicion. When transparency is absent, the spouse left in the dark may begin to feel unsettled, anxious, and compelled to find out what is happening.

Our religion has already shown us how marriage should be approached. It is not meant to follow a boyfriend girlfriend pattern, nor should a pregnancy arising from an unlawful relationship become the basis for legitimising a second marriage.

Marrying another wife should never be used as a threat against the existing wife. Polygyny is halal and, when practiced correctly, can serve legitimate social and moral purposes. However, it must be approached with honesty, responsibility, emotional maturity, and adherence to Islamic principles.

If polygyny is to be practiced, let it be done properly, with dignity, justice, and respect for all involved.

Safezone Counselling

11/01/2026

Why do you threaten to leave after every disagreement?

Repeatedly threatening to leave is often a manipulative response to conflict. It becomes a way of forcing your spouse to agree with you, not because they truly understand or accept your position, but because they are afraid of losing the marriage. This leaves no room for healthy negotiation, dialogue, or mutual understanding.

Disagreement in marriage is normal. Conflict, by itself, does not threaten the marital structure. The problem is not always the issue being discussed. The real danger comes when every disagreement is framed as a reason to end the marriage.

When you use separation or divorce as a threat, you pressure your spouse into compliance even when they are unhappy or emotionally unsafe. In effect, you silence them and use fear to gain control rather than communication to reach understanding.

Over time, this creates marital instability. You are unconsciously preparing your spouse for separation. Instead of fighting for the marriage, they begin to emotionally detach. Their focus shifts from resolving issues to protecting themselves.

The other spouse may start walking on eggshells, suppressing their needs, opinions, and emotions to avoid conflict. This constant self suppression can affect their emotional wellbeing and overall marital happiness. Gradually, they may lose the emotional energy to nurture the marriage or do the things they once did to keep love and connection alive.

Instead of using divorce as a threat you do not truly want, learn to communicate your needs clearly and kindly. Focus on the issue at hand, not the survival of the marriage. Healthy communication builds connection. Threats destroy it.

Safezone Counselling

11/01/2026

Emotional intelligence is key to achieving your goals👌

07/01/2026