Balance You Counseling

02/01/2023

If you have been ever been affected by infidelity or had an affair, you're invited by the Gottman Institute to anonymously participate in a 10-15 minute survey.

At The Gottman Institute, we are committed to ongoing research that increases the understanding of relationships. If you have been ever been affected by infidelity or had an affair, we invite you to anonymously participate in a 10-15 minute survey. Our goals are to discover the factors that determine whether relationships are likely to survive following an affair, and determine the degree to which people are likely to recover personally from this experience.

You must be 18 years of age or older; identify as having either personally had an affair or been in a relationship where your partner had an affair; and the relationship where the infidelity occured was a committed relationship of 6 months or longer.

Access the survey and other Gottman research opportunities here: http://bit.ly/3gtOwpV

14/02/2022

Calling all couples who want to strengthen their relationships so their love can stand the test of time!

Please join me next month for the online Gottman Method course: The Art and Science of Love.

https://www.linkedin.com/posts/julie-sharon-wagschal-57327b1_discover-the-art-and-science-of-love-at-our-activity-6898928037920854016-HZW-

https://centerforrelationshiplearning.com/the-art-and-science-of-love-workshop/

Discover The Art and Science of Love at our world-renowned weekend workshop for couples created by Drs. John and Julie Gottman and see for yourself why...

03/04/2020

****** Managing Anger Under Lockdown ******

Spending most hours of the day under the same roof with a group of people (probably your family), is likely to bring out some feelings of irritation, annoyance and anger. They’re too messy, too loud, say the wrong thing, look at you the wrong way, don’t cooperate the way you would like them to, or are simply in your space. Next to this brewing anger, most of us are experiencing some sense of anxiety, hopelessness and despair. The uncertainty of not knowing when this corona situation is going to end, fills us with worry. This combination of anger and hopelessness is a perfect breeding ground for explosive arguments. The stress hormones adrenaline and cortisol easily flood your system, you lose control over the rational part of your brain and your fight-flight system is activated.

When you go into fight-flight, your heart rate goes up, the blood flow to non-essential organs slows down, and your body gets ready to either fight your perceived danger, run away from it, or freeze. These fight-flight responses are essential when dealing with actual physical dangers, such as a saber-toothed tiger lurking in the bushes. But when faced with your partner or child leaving a dish in the sink, it is your system overreacting. You may yell, name call, threaten or even physically lash out at them.

To avoid this, you need to have a plan in place for when your system gets flooded. As Gottman Couples Therapists we call this a Flooding Plan.

Read more here: http://www.balanceyou.net/managing-anger-under-lockdown/

22/03/2020

--𝒀𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒅𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒂 𝑪𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒔--

Feeling cooped up? Want some alone time but cannot get away from your partner and/or children? Is your partner getting on your nerves? Are your children not working independently enough? Are your words being misinterpreted and are you putting out little fires all day? Welcome to the new normal of the 24/7 Coronavirus relationship.

It’s tough. Most of us are not used to spending so much time with our loved ones. The Coronavirus is forcing us to be with our partners (and children) 24/7 and this is quite an adjustment for most. Not only are we dealing with anxiety about the state of our world and our health, but we are also working and schooling at home and not socializing outside of the home.

I therefore wanted to share a couple of tips to help you deal with this new situation, so that you come out of this crisis with your relationship intact; and dare I say, stronger. See if you can implement some of these suggestions into your life. They may seem difficult at first, but taking baby steps, or getting back on the horse after you have fallen off, is better than not trying at all.

Read the whole article here: http://www.balanceyou.net/your-relationship-under-corona/

19/03/2020

*****DEALING WITH ANXIETY in CORONA CRISIS******

Anyone out there feeling anxious about Covid-19? If you’re like most of us, the answer is a resounding ‘YES’! And who can blame you? The current situation is completely overwhelming and no one knows how it will all turn out. It feels like one day you were going about your life, minding your own business, and the next, the world is in a frenzy as everyone is at risk for contracting the Coronavirus.

With 24/7 news and social media, what’s even more contagious than the virus itself is the fear about contracting it. Obsessing about every new case and reading and watching everything you can about what’s happening feeds right into your brain’s fear center. In general, informing yourself is a good thing of course. However, what we are mostly trying to do right now, is to feel some sort of control in this extreme time of uncertainty. Just like buying 100 rolls of toilet paper makes people feel safer, the insatiable quest for news is our irrational way of trying to feel more in control and thereby secure.
Unfortunately, you can end up feeling more and more anxious. It’s a never-ending cycle, really. The more you hear and see, the more you worry and the more anxious you feel. And all that worry will not actually help you cope if you ever have to face the situation that you’re worried about.

So, how can you tame your fear and anxiety? Let’s explore some strategies.

1. The obvious first strategy is to limit your news and social media intake. Allow yourself a certain amount of scrolling or news watching. How much is too much differs per person. But once you start noticing your heart rate go up or that you’re feeling anxious inside, you know it’s time to stop, so do so right away.

2. If you start to feel panic (i.e. your breathing becomes shallow, your heart starts to race, you feel a surge of adrenaline, you become sweaty): close your eyes and take some slow, deep breaths, all the way in….. and all the way out…... Rapid breathing decreases oxygen to the frontal lobe of your brain and can send you into fight-flight mode. Breathing slowly can stop you from going there.

3. If you feel too much panic and slow breathing isn’t helping: get up and move. Do at least 10 jumping jacks or 10 burpees, and reassess how you feel. When you go into fight-flight mode, you have lots of energy to literally fight or flight, so if you use that energy by moving your body intensely, your body can return to a state of calm (once you rest after your workout).

4. Try to notice the small things in life that bring you joy: biting into a juicy strawberry, taking a hot shower, a beautiful painting on your wall, the various instruments that you hear as you listen to music, the way your child smiles at you. Live in the moment. Now that our day-to-day lives have slowed down, you can be more mindful of the moment you are in, right now.

5. Take comfort from the fact that we are all in the same boat. No one knows what the future holds, we are all feeling anxious, and no one wants to be in this situation. But now that we are, let’s take comfort from knowing that people worldwide are working non stop trying to protect us all. Stay safe by following the measures that are put in place by the government, but know that there is a limit to what you can do, so accept that. You cannot wrap yourself in protective bubble wrap and never leave the house. Some risk needs to be taken, even if there ends up being a lockdown.

6. Practice social distancing, but not social isolation. Keep in touch with family and friends by calling or Skyping them. Loneliness always increases anxiety. So don’t allow yourself to lose touch with people.

7. Watch your caffeine intake because it increases your heart rate, which gives a big boost to your anxiety. Don’t drink too much alcohol. Alcohol gives the illusion of relaxation but in reality, it can increase anxiety (and other mental health problems such as depression).

8. If you are in treatment for anxiety or another mental health disorder, do not stop your treatment. Telehealth sessions are being offered by most care providers. If you are not in treatment, but feel like your panic or anxiety is overwhelming you, please seek counselling.

There are plenty of other strategies that can be helpful now, such as sleeping enough, drinking plenty of water, eating healthfully. Please add anything else below in the comments that has been helpful for you.

Photo by Tengyart on Unsplash Anyone out there feeling anxious about Covid-19? If you’re like most of us, the answer is a resounding ‘YES’! And who can blame you? The current situation is completel…

04/09/2019

Wonderful to see the work of The Gottman Institute highlighted in the Guardian!

John and Julie Gottman have devised dates for ailing couples – but how many are ready for this level of openness and sincerity?

03/09/2019

Transforming your diet can transform your mind

The right kind of diet may give the brain more of what it needs to avoid depression, or even to treat it once it’s begun.

06/07/2019

If you want to start to understand female s*xuality:

Female s*xuality runs differently than a man’s. And that is OK.

05/07/2019

Do you want to learn research-based strategies to help couples successfully manage conflict and tools to help couples process fights and heal their hurts, and techniques for partners to deepen their intimacy?

Balance You is now offering ALL levels of Gottman Method Couples Therapy Training for Professionals, including consultation through the certification track.

All trainings are held in English.

We are proud and honored to be the first to bring the full Gottman Method training to Europe.

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07/02/2019

Too often, especially after couples have children, date night becomes a random, freak act of nature. Don’t let it. If you’re too busy for date night, you’re too busy.

Date nights should be sacred times to honor your relationship.