Recipes4Change, Oostduinlaan 22, The Hague (2026)

23/03/2026

Have you ever noticed that the tasks you procrastinate on the most are not the difficult ones… but the emotional ones?

Years ago, after my divorce, I needed to do a big decluttering project. Old documents, papers and photos had piled up and needed sorting. Yet I kept putting it off — day after day, week after week, even month after month.

Why?

Because the task felt both mundane and emotionally painful.

Every item seemed to trigger a timeline in my head:
“This was before the move.”
“This was after the divorce.”
“This was before the girls left home.”

Before long I would feel emotionally overwhelmed, abandon the project, and promise myself I’d tackle it another day.

Then one weekend something surprising happened.

I felt unusually energised and motivated, and I managed to get a large part of the job done.
Afterwards I reflected on what had made the difference.

It turned out to be something very small — a simple shift in the phrase I was using in my own mind.

Instead of thinking, “𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥” or “𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥,”I began saying to myself:
“𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘄.”

Those few words changed everything.

“That was then and this is now” carries a tone of acceptance, growth and forward movement. It acknowledges the past without pulling us back into it.

Suddenly the task felt lighter. I was able to keep going. And along the way I even discovered a few forgotten treasures that truly 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘫𝘰𝘺 — as organising consultant Marie Kondo would say.

This experience reminded me of something I see often in my work as a coach and counsellor:
👉 Procrastination is rarely about laziness.
More often it’s about emotion.

When a task is connected to grief, change, fear, or unresolved memories, our minds naturally try to avoid it.

But when we identify the emotion behind the resistance, and find a healthier narrative, something shifts. Momentum returns. What once felt heavy becomes manageable.

Sometimes the smallest change in perspective can unlock the energy we need to move forward.

That was then. This is now.
A simple phrase — but a powerful reminder that while our past shapes us, it doesn’t have to hold us back.

Have you ever noticed an emotional reason behind something you were procrastinating on?

20/03/2026

In 2012, I listened to Beyoncé sing I Was Here for United Nations on World Humanitarian Day.

The lyrics stayed with me:
“I wanna say I lived each day, until I died
know that I had something in somebody's life…”

Coincidentally, 2012 was also the year I began my practice, Recipes4Change.

At the time, I simply knew I wanted to make a difference. I didn’t yet fully understand what that would look like. But over the years, as a coach and counsellor, the meaning of those lyrics has deepened.

Why are we here?
What do we hope to leave behind?
Are we making the world better in the ways available to us?

In my work, I have learned that legacy isn’t about grand gestures.
It’s built in the quiet moments.

💫 A client who feels truly heard for the first time.
💫 A difficult conversation that creates clarity and courage.
💫 A shift in perspective that opens the door to change.
💫 A small act of compassion that transforms a life story.

We don’t need to be famous, powerful, or extraordinary to leave our mark. As ordinary as we are, showing up with empathy, presence, and integrity is enough.

Change is always possible. I witness it every time someone entrusts me with their story and chooses to grow beyond their current chapter.

That, to me, is what it means to say: I was here.

We are all here. The question is — how will we show up?

19/03/2026

Have you ever had a “guardian angel” in your life?

Not the kind with wings.

The kind who shows up in your life at exactly the right moment — and quietly change its direction.

When I was 17, my life was turned upside down.

My family fled Ghana after a coup d’état.
During that turmoil, my cousin — someone I grew up with and loved deeply — died suddenly.

Bringing her body back to Lebanon was a deeply traumatic experience. But at the time, no one spoke about trauma. Life simply moved on.

Shortly after arriving in Lebanon, I had to sit entrance exams to re-enter school. I remember staring at the exam paper… unable to process anything.

Unsurprisingly, I failed.

I was placed a year lower in the literary stream — a track often reserved for students considered less academically gifted.

Months later, as I slowly recovered, my academic performance improved dramatically.

One teacher noticed something didn’t add up. He asked how someone performing at my level had ended up there.

When I explained the circumstances around my exam, he was outraged by what he called an injustice.

Without me even asking, he decided to advocate for me. He pushed the school administration to give me another chance: a new exam. If I pass, I can transfer to the scientific stream.

This time, I passed.

I will never forget his triumphant smile when he told me:
“𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘪𝘵. 𝘞𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦.”

In that moment, I felt truly seen.

His intervention changed the trajectory of my education and opened doors that might otherwise have remained closed.

A few years ago, I reconnected with him on Facebook. He is retired now.

When I thanked him again and asked if he remembered me, his reply brought tears to my eyes:

“𝘖𝘧 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦, 𝘙𝘢𝘸𝘪𝘢. 𝘐 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘥𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦.”

In my work today as a coach and counsellor, I often think about people like him.

Sometimes all it takes is one person who sees your potential when life circumstances have temporarily knocked you off balance.

We all encounter these “guardian angels”.

And sometimes, through the work we do, we have the privilege of becoming that person for someone else.

Many people succeed not only because of talent, but because someone believed in them when they couldn’t believe in themselves.

I’d love to hear your story:

𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘩𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵?

16/03/2026

One of the most common patterns I see in my coaching and counselling work is this:
People are very skilled at giving recognition to others — yet deeply uncomfortable giving recognition to themselves.

In Transactional Analysis, we use the term “Stroke” to refer to a unit of recognition, anything that acknowledges another person.

Strokes are essential for emotional well-being, social bonding, motivation, and psychological growth. We do engage in giving strokes to ourselves too in the form of self-talk, self-appreciation, and taking care of personal needs.

What I have observed is that people will acknowledge others’ efforts, kindness, and strengths with ease.
But when it comes to themselves, recognition is often:
🔸 minimised
🔸dismissed
🔸postponed (“I’ll feel good when I achieve X”)
🔸or replaced with self-criticism

Such behaviour patterns are often learned early in life.

Many of us grew up with messages like:
❌ “Don’t get a big head”
❌ “You have to earn praise”
❌ “Others come first”
❌ “Rest or appreciation is a reward, not a right”

So, we internalise the belief that self-recognition is not okay.

Over time, this can show up as:
🔸chronic self-doubt.
🔸overworking or people-pleasing.
🔸difficulty receiving compliments.
🔸seeking validation in ways that don’t truly nourish us.

In coaching and counselling, part of the work is gently expanding that stroke economy:
✅ learning to recognise yourself without conditions.
✅ noticing when old rules are running the show.
✅ practising healthier ways of giving and receiving recognition.

This isn’t about ego or entitlement.
It’s about meeting a very real human need — consciously, compassionately, and sustainably.

👉 Where in your life might you be withholding unconditional recognition from yourself — and what might change if you didn’t?

👉 How comfortable are you with receiving positive strokes without deflecting or minimising them?

12/03/2026

You started your business, or your life in a new country, to create something meaningful.
So why do you sometimes feel drained, reactive, or unsure of yourself?

Living and working internationally can be exciting and deeply enriching. But it can also bring unexpected emotional and mental challenges.

New environments ask a lot from us.
New systems.
New cultural expectations.
Often a new language.

And while we’re busy adapting externally, something important can happen internally: under pressure, we tend to fall back on old coping strategies that were shaped by our personal history.

Strategies that once helped us survive, or belong, may now show up as:
🔸Saying yes when we actually mean no.
🔸Over-giving to others while side-lining our own needs.
🔸Doubting ourselves even when we are capable.
🔸Striving for perfection out of fear of being judged.
🔸Feeling reactive instead of grounded and intentional.

This is something I see often in my work as a coach and counsellor supporting internationals.

When we move across countries and cultures, we don’t leave our personal history behind. Our experiences, beliefs, and coping patterns travel with us. In unfamiliar environments, they can become even more visible.

The work I do with clients is about developing self-awareness around these patterns. Together we explore how past experiences may still shape current reactions, decisions, and relationships.

Because when you begin to understand your own patterns, something powerful happens.

💫You move from reacting automatically to responding with awareness.
💫From adapting out of fear to making choices from a place of autonomy.

This doesn’t mean life abroad, or running a purpose-driven career, suddenly becomes easy. But it does become clearer and more intentional.

One small practice I often share with clients is this:
When you notice yourself feeling overwhelmed or reactive, pause and ask yourself:
🤔What is really being triggered here?
🤔Is this about the present moment, or does it connect to an older story?

That moment of reflection can create just enough space to choose a different response.
And that’s where real change begins.

If you are living or working internationally, I’d be curious to hear:
💬 What has helped you stay grounded while navigating new environments?

10/03/2026

Almost 30 years ago, I had a conversation on a beach in Oman that stayed with me ever since.

We were both mothers watching our young children building sandcastles while we chatted, sharing pieces of our lives.

At the time, I was going through a particularly difficult period and the environment around me didn’t feel psychologically safe. I remember feeling intrigued by something she shared.

She told me that when her relationship with her boyfriend (now her husband) became serious, she booked herself a series of counselling sessions.

I asked her why.
Was something wrong? Was she struggling with something she needed to fix?

She smiled and said the opposite was true.

She felt fine.

But she wanted to make sure there was nothing dormant within her that might one day negatively affect her relationship or the way she would parent her future children.

I remember how unusual that sounded to me at the time. I grew up in a culture where mental and emotional health were rarely discussed openly, and seeking therapy was often associated with shame or crisis.

Yet here was someone choosing counselling not as a last resort, but as a proactive step.

I asked her if she would recommend the experience.

Her answer was simple and confident:
“𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘷𝘢𝘭𝘶𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘨𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘨𝘪𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧.”

Those words stayed with me.

Years later, when I experienced counselling myself, I fully understood what she meant. It truly was one of the most valuable gifts I have ever given myself.

Today, in my work as a coach and counsellor, I often think about that conversation.

So many people wait until they feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or broken before they reach out for support.

But what if we approached our emotional wellbeing the same way we approach other aspects of our lives?

We service our cars regularly to make sure they run well.
We invest in professional development to grow our careers.

What if we also checked in on our inner world with the same care and intention?

Coaching and counselling are not only for moments of crisis. They can also be spaces for reflection, growth, and prevention.

Sometimes the most powerful step we can take is simply deciding to understand ourselves better — before life forces us to.

And perhaps that really is one of the most valuable gifts we can give ourselves.

08/03/2026

I grew up believing that as a woman, my role was to be nice, agreeable, and take care of others.

Don’t show anger.
Be accommodating.
Make sure everyone else is comfortable.

Even when these messages were not said directly, they were everywhere – in expectations, in subtle comments, in what was praised and what was discouraged.

As a young woman, I often felt frustrated by these gender expectations. Intuitively, I believed education would open the door to independence and freedom.

Education eventually led me to travel and live in different parts of the world. What struck me was how familiar these patterns were across cultures. While the details differed, the underlying message was often similar: women are expected to adapt, accommodate, and carry the emotional load.

Today, in my work as a coach and counsellor supporting international clients, I see how these expectations continue to shape many women’s lives.

Many of the women I work with are highly capable, accomplished, and resilient. Yet they often carry an invisible burden – managing everyone else’s emotions, holding families and workplaces together, while quietly containing their own stress and needs.

Over time, this emotional labour can take a real toll on both physical and mental wellbeing.

When I became a mother, I knew I wanted something different for my daughters. I tried to raise them to value their voice, their boundaries, and their ambitions. But as Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie reminds us, raising confident daughters is not enough – we must also raise emotionally aware sons. Real change happens when the expectations placed on women begin to shift across society as a whole.

Through my work with internationals navigating cultures, identities, and expectations, I see often how powerful it can be when people begin to question the roles they were taught to play.

This International Women's Day, I’m reflecting on the women who raised me, the women I meet in my work, and the next generation we are shaping together.

I’m curious:
What messages about gender did you grow up with – and how have they shaped the way you show up in your life or work today?

05/03/2026

During my pharmacy degree, we were encouraged to gain summer experience across different sectors to help inform our future career choices.

As an international student in the UK, my visa didn’t allow for paid work. So, I took a volunteer position at a big pharmacy in London.

9–5.
Monday to Friday.
Peak-time commuting from outside London.

After a couple of weeks I realised that without a salary, I couldn’t afford the daily commute.

I faced a dilemma.
Do I quit quietly … or speak up?

I chose to have an honest conversation with my employer.

To my surprise, my employer offered to cover my travel costs so I could stay.

I had assumed that because I was “just a volunteer,” my presence didn’t matter much.

That moment taught me something I now see repeatedly in my work as a coach and counsellor:

We often underestimate our value.

Many of the internationals I support carry quiet narratives such as:
🔸”I should just be grateful to be here.”
🔸”I don’t want to cause inconvenience.”
🔸”Others are more qualified/confident/deserving than me.”
🔸”I shouldn’t ask.”

These beliefs can shrink our sense of worth and silence our needs.

But what I learned early on is this:

💫Your contribution has value, even if your contract says “volunteer.”
💫Your voice matters, even if you feel like the outsider.
💫Asking for support is not weakness, it’s self-advocacy.

That experience also planted another seed.

It showed me that work is not only about money. It’s about growth, contribution, connection, and purpose.

So, when I later chose to leave pharmacy, a secure and well-paid profession, to become a coach and counsellor, I wasn’t discouraged by those who questioned the financial logic.
I had already learned that fulfilment and alignment matter deeply.

Today, supporting internationals to build confidence, navigate transitions, and recognise their own worth gives me something no salary alone ever could.

Yes, earning matters.
But so does meaning.

Have you ever underestimated your value in a new environment?
I’d love to hear your reflections.

03/03/2026

When I was 24, I saw photos of myself as a baby for the very first time.

There I was, carried in my mother’s arms at the hospital in Ghana where I was born. Six months of my early life, captured in a handful of images.

No words can fully describe what I felt in that moment. Those photographs were more than pictures. They were physical proof of my beginnings. Evidence of love. Of care. Of how my story began.

That experience impacted me.

It’s one of the reasons I value photography so deeply. Before digital cameras, I printed photos from analogue films and created albums for my children. I framed them around our home. I wanted them to have something I did not — a visible, tangible record of their arrival into my life. A way to trace their own personal history.

During lockdown, when my daughters and I found ourselves in three different countries, I created a collage of photos on a board in my kitchen. I would stop and look at it often. It brought joy. Hope. Perseverance. It reminded me that love can conquer distance.

Even now, when we look at those photos together, I see their delight. Their laughter. Their growing sense of self-worth. It’s amazing how much we forget, and how a single image can bring it all back.

As a coach and counsellor, I have witnessed the power of photographs in a different way.

Sometimes I invite clients to bring a personal photo into a session. A childhood picture. A moment in time. A portrait that carries meaning.

What happens next is often profound.

Photos bypass our usual defences. They reconnect us with feelings, places, people, and experiences we may not have accessed in years. A client speaking about a photo often shares factual and emotional insights that had previously felt out of reach. One image can unlock a story that words alone could not find.

Even the way clients respond to artwork in my practice room, what they see, what they feel, reveals something meaningful about their inner world.

A single picture may say a thousand words. But more importantly, it can help us find our own.

I encourage you to make space, from time to time, to sit with old photographs — alone or with those you love. Notice what stirs. What memories surface. What strengths you rediscover.

You may find that your past still holds resources for the present.

02/03/2026

Immigrants Are Not the Problem

Being half Lebanese and having lived through the early years of the civil war in Lebanon, I learned very quickly that discussing politics could cost you your life. Silence felt safer.

Years later, after building my life in the United Kingdom and now the Netherlands — two countries known for democracy and stability — I’ve realised something important:

In peaceful societies, silence is not safety. Silence is complicity.

The growing narrative that immigrants are the root of national and local problems is not only simplistic — it is harmful.

I am an immigrant.

In the UK, I worked in a major hospital within the National Health Service at a time when many local professionals were leaving due to low pay and high pressure. I didn’t have the luxury of turning the job down. I stepped in and filled a gap. That was not a burden on the system — that was contribution.

In the Netherlands, when volunteers were called upon in The Hague to support refugees arriving during the Syrian crisis, my language skills and cultural understanding allowed me to contribute again. Not as a problem — but as part of the solution.

Today, through my work as a coach and counsellor working primarily with internationals, and through networking, I see daily the determination, resilience, and value immigrants bring. I observe how immigrants are actively contributing to the societies they now call home. They pay taxes. They create jobs. They innovate. They integrate.

They also struggle, often quietly, to belong, to adapt, to learn the language, to understand the unspoken cultural rules.

Integration is not a one-way street. It requires effort from newcomers and openness from host communities.

We cannot keep scapegoating immigrants for complex structural challenges. Housing shortages, strained public services, economic shifts. These are multifaceted issues that require thoughtful policy, not emotional narratives.

On 18 March, we have municipal elections. Local politics shapes our schools, neighbourhoods, healthcare access, and community resources. Please vote wisely. Examine policies critically. Resist fear-based messaging.

Immigrants are not the problem. They are colleagues, neighbours, taxpayers, caregivers, and community builders.

I am one example. There are many more.

Let’s move beyond fear. Let’s choose dialogue over division. And let’s remember that strong societies are built not by exclusion, but by participation.

That is my humble opinion. You’re free to agree or disagree — but if we engage, let’s do so constructively.

26/02/2026

I moved from Lebanon and Ghana, where I completed my primary and secondary education, to the UK to pursue higher education. Adjusting to a new culture, a different education system, and an unfamiliar environment, quickly planted the belief that I had to work twice as hard just to keep up.

That belief followed me into university. I often felt like I didn’t quite belong — like everyone else was more capable, more articulate, more prepared.

During one lab experiment, I sat frozen, completely unsure where to start, trying to look confident on the outside.

Then two classmates walked over and said,
“𝘏𝘦𝘺 𝘙𝘢𝘸𝘪𝘢, 𝘸𝘦’𝘳𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨.”

I was stunned.

In that moment, two powerful realisations emerged.

1️⃣ I was not the only one feeling uncertain. The people I assumed were confident were also looking for reassurance.

2️⃣ Despite the anxiety inside me, others perceived competence and confidence. My internal narrative did not match external reality.

That experience changed something fundamental in me. I began to question the stories I was telling myself. I started to see how deeply our thoughts and feelings shape our perceptions, and how those perceptions, when left unchallenged, can quietly limit us.

Today, as a coach and counsellor working with internationals, I see this dynamic often.

Many of my clients are navigating new cultures, new systems, and new expectations. They are highly capable, intelligent individuals — yet internally they carry doubts about whether they are “good enough.”

Often, their perception of themselves is far harsher than reality.

Together, we gently explore those perceptions, where they came from, and whether they are evidence-based.

When perception shifts, experience shifts.

Confidence is rarely about becoming someone new. More often, it is about recognising who you already are — beneath the anxiety, beneath the adaptation, beneath the pressure to prove yourself.

That lab incident taught me something I now bring into my sessions:
Our feelings are real — but they are not always facts.

Sometimes breakthrough begins the moment we dare to challenge the story we are telling ourselves.

24/02/2026

Years ago, when I was a stay-at-home mum, I spent a lot of time engaging in creative activities, both on my own and with my children. Around that time, my mother gave me a small booklet about 𝗔𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗿𝗮 𝘀𝘆𝗺𝗯𝗼𝗹𝘀, including a stencil to create them. It was her way of adding something from Ghana to my creative world.

Recently, during a bout of home decluttering, I came across that booklet again.

Adinkra symbols originate from the Akan people of West Africa. Each symbol represents a proverb or idea, carrying deep cultural wisdom. One symbol in particular stood out to me all over again: 𝗦𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗼𝗳𝗮.

Sankofa literally means “𝘵𝘰 𝘨𝘰 𝘣𝘢𝘤𝘬 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵.” It teaches us that we must return to the past to retrieve what is valuable, in order to move forward wisely.

This principle sits at the heart of my work as a coach and counsellor. So often, the challenges people face in the present are rooted in experiences, beliefs, or patterns formed earlier in life that were never fully understood or resolved. When these are left unexamined, they can quietly continue to shape our choices and relationships.

By gently looking back and making sense of personal history, clients gain awareness of what no longer serves them, and what they may choose to keep. This process allows them to make informed, intentional choices in the present, rather than reacting from old wounds.

Sankofa reminds us that healing and growth do not come from forgetting the past, but from learning from it. When we do this, we create space for clarity, self-compassion, and a more grounded future.

Sometimes I wonder whether it was coincidence or something more meaningful that a gift I received from my mother over four decades ago so closely reflects the work I do today.

𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸𝘭𝘦𝘥𝘨𝘦𝘥, 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵?

Please reach out if you would like support in that process.

Recipes4Change

23/03/2026

20/03/2026

19/03/2026

16/03/2026

12/03/2026

10/03/2026

08/03/2026

05/03/2026

03/03/2026

02/03/2026

26/02/2026

24/02/2026

Adres

Telefoon

Website

Meldingen

Contact De Praktijk

Snelkoppelingen

Delen