20/04/2025
vermijden is goed voor jezelf zorgen.
Deze post gebruikt precies hetzelfde voorbeeld wat ik ook al zo vaak heb gebruikt: iemand die allergisch is voor gluten, ga je ook niet pushen om gewoon een koekje te eten.
voor autistische mensen zijn veel dingen echt heel belastend. Ze zijn er eigenlijk allergisch voor. Want ik en andere autistische mensen krijgen heel echte lichamelijke klachten van overprikkeling.
Welke prikkels dat zijn is voor iedereen verschillend en iets om bij jezelf te ontdekken. Misschien is het onduidelijkheid, misschien is het drukte, misschien sociale interactie of nieuwe dingen en veranderingen of iets anders.
Die dingen die ongezond voor je zijn te vermijden is dan toch echt een manier om goed voor jezelf te zorgen.
“Unfortunately, we can’t all just avoid things we don’t like or find stressful.”
Sadly I hear this a lot. Usually said with a sigh, a shrug, or a tone that implies someone else is just being a bit soft. And every time, it makes me wince.
Because my first thought is:
Yes, we actually can. And sometimes, we absolutely should.
When I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, one of the first things my doctor told me was to reduce stress and avoid known triggers. Not just to “feel better” in a vague sense, but to prevent flare-ups, protect my energy, and manage pain. Actively avoiding what makes me unwell isn’t a luxury—it’s a form of healthcare.
This idea that avoiding stress is somehow indulgent, unrealistic, or weak is deeply rooted in a culture that values endurance over wellbeing. But here’s the truth:
choosing not to expose yourself to harm or overwhelm is not avoidance—it’s self-awareness. It’s management. It’s wisdom. It’s survival.
Would we tell someone with a nut allergy, “Unfortunately, we can’t all avoid peanuts”?
Would we expect someone with asthma to keep running through smoke to build resilience?
Of course not.
So why do we treat emotional, sensory, or neurological stress as something people should just push through?
This message—“we can’t all just avoid things we find stressful”—is especially harmful when said to neurodivergent children, disabled people, or anyone managing chronic illness. It frames their legitimate needs as preferences. It suggests that discomfort is character-building, that pushing through pain or overwhelm is noble, and that adapting or accommodating is somehow a weakness.
And yet, what’s more human than adapting?
The truth is: most people do avoid what stresses them out, all the time.
We take different routes to avoid traffic. We turn down social invitations when we’re drained. We mute notifications. We pick jobs that suit our personality. We wear noise-cancelling headphones. We delegate. We delay. We skip the queue by shopping online. We find little ways to protect our peace—and no one bats an eyelid.
But the moment someone else’s stress tolerance doesn’t match the mainstream, or they need different boundaries to cope? Suddenly we say, “Well, life’s tough.”
It’s a double standard.
Yes, some things in life are unavoidable. But not everything has to be survived in order to be valid. If something is consistently harming you—whether it’s a type of environment, a way of working, or a social expectation—then choosing to avoid it isn’t weakness. It’s strength. It’s protection. It’s care.
So next time you hear that phrase—“We can’t all just avoid things we don’t like”—pause for a moment. Ask yourself who’s being asked to endure something that others wouldn’t dream of putting up with. And then ask: why should they have to?
Avoidance isn’t the enemy. Sometimes, it’s the wisest thing we can do.
