http://www.mindsetdetectivetherapy.com/

Mindset Detective Therapy, Oslo (2026)

17/09/2025

How often do you look beyond someone's smile? Do you automatically assume that a smile means happiness?

Does smile = inner joy?

I used to get compliments about how good, glowing and happy I looked after I received news about my grandmother’s passing, after I had my miscarriage, after another devastating breakup. Yes, I can smile beautifully while my world crumbles, but don't get deceived by my smile.

Recently, someone pointed out how often I use the word "interest." It made me pause and examine my own patterns:

✔️I studied everything I could get my hands on
✔️I collected new hobbies like trophies
✔️I constantly sought new connections, convinced they'd bring meaning
✔️I travelled whenever possible, chasing purpose in new places.

I was so busy searching for meaning through endless new interests that I never faced the truth: somewhere along the way, I'd lost interest in life itself. SO MANY TIMES.

Don't be deceived by someone's smile – instead be observant. See what people do, how they act. If you take time to notice someone's behaviour, it will tell you a lot more.

And yes, don't forget to smile – you know they say there's that muscle-thought connection. But next time you smile, see if you can do it genuinely. Don't force it all at once though. Little by little, you'll get there.

What do you notice when you look beyond the smile?

31/08/2025

Once upon a time, there lived a girl who hated adjectives. Especially the ones she saw in the mirror: ugly, stupid, worthless, old, betrayed.

Divorce had turned every mirror into a horror show.

Her therapist, Cruella (let’s call her that), gave her homework: name three adjectives she actually loved about herself every single day. Three new adjectives. Every. Single. Day.

And if there was one thing she hated more than her divorce, it was giving up—especially in front of Cruella.

Day 1: “Breathing. Awake. Wearing clothes.”

Cruella would not be impressed, but technically, adjectives.

Day 2: “Still alive. Darkly funny. Can make toast without burning it (most days).”

Day 3: “Exhausted. Resilient. Maybe… slightly pretty? In this light?”

And that’s how it went for quite some time. Silly words, awkward words, half-true words.

Until one day the mirror gave up and stopped screaming insults.

It didn’t say useless, ugly, unworthy anymore.

Instead, it sometimes whispered back: Kind. Smart. Brave.

And the girl thought: finally, a different fairy tale.

If your own mirror is still screaming the wrong words at you after a breakup or divorce — let’s create your new fairy tale together.

Book a Free consultation via the website in my bio.

29/08/2025

On our very last night in Istanbul, a friend and I set off (guided by our ever-faithful Google Maps) to find the oldest hamam in the city. The time? About 10 pm. Because really, when else do you go to a hamam if not late at night after a very late dinner?

Soon enough, we found ourselves wandering through the deserted back streets of an endless bazaar. Honestly, it got a little creepy. We darted from one alley to another in search of an exit when we heard some indistinct voices. Ahead of us, several women in abayas appeared. They looked no less uneasy than we did, clearly trying to escape the same labyrinth.

They were quite far away, but when they turned around and noticed us, I felt it instantly: a sense of relief. They weren’t alone. And neither were we.

At that moment, I thought about the concept of “friend or foe.”

When life feels safe, it’s natural to trust those who share our values, our culture, our way of life. But in the middle of uncertainty and fear?

The lines blur. What matters most is the shared human experience. Their fear mirrored ours, and suddenly there was a sense of unity—even comfort—in simply not being alone.

Ten minutes later, a faint light appeared at the end of one street. We followed it, and so did the women. We finally found the way out.

We did make it to the hamam as planned—and yes, we washed our troubles away (though, to be fair, the hamam ladies did most of the hard work for us). Still, the experience reminded me once again how quickly “friend or foe” can shift depending on circumstances—sometimes in one direction, sometimes in the other.

And so, if you’re currently stuck in the labyrinth of insecurity, unable to find your way forward after a breakup or divorce, maybe it’s time to walk that path together.

Book a FREE consultation via the website in my bio. We’ll figure it out!

14/08/2025

I’m not an artist – not even close – but that’s not the point.

After a breakup or divorce, it’s easy to feel stuck… like life has frozen. That’s why I get my clients to try simple, playful exercises – like painting with flowers, leaves, and stems instead of brushes.

It’s not about creating something perfect. It’s about creating anything. Because even the “silliest” art can shift your focus, soften the pain, and open the door to new possibilities.

So here’s your reminder: you don’t have to be an artist to create. You just need to start.

💬 When was the last time you created something just for fun?

13/08/2025

I work with women after breakups and divorces – women who’ve entered a stage in life where their self-esteem and self-worth feel shaken, and they struggle to identify themselves outside of a relationship.

When you’re going through a breakup or divorce, it’s natural to be completely consumed by the pain. But here’s the thing: when our focus is entirely on our hurt, we often miss what’s happening around us. We overlook small joys, new possibilities, and opportunities waiting quietly in the background.

One of the exercises I give my clients is to describe something – anything – they come across, from the perspective of that object.

For example, the story of a pair of glasses I spotted while walking in the forest could begin like this:

“One fine morning, while walking with their owner, the glasses jumped off their owner’s nose and landed right on the branch of a bush. Since then, a completely new life began for the glasses. Once used to seeing everything their owner saw – a computer screen, a phone, and let alone what they witnessed before bed (honestly, some things you can’t unsee) – they now had a fresh perspective. Oh, if only they could talk…”

Now, I can already hear some of you saying: “I’m not a writer. This isn’t for me.”

I get it. But guess what? Neither am I. And you don’t have to be a writer to do this. We’re not entering a literary competition here – the purpose is completely different.

This simple exercise allows you to:

1. Shift your focus away from pain ✅

2. Use your imagination in a playful way ✅

3. Open your eyes to small shifts – noticing new people, new opportunities, fresh solutions… and perhaps, much more ✅

If you’re ready to start seeing the world with fresh eyes after heartbreak, give this a try today. You never know what stories are waiting for you.

💬 Let me know in the comments if you want to read the continuation of the glasses story.

25/07/2025

I didn’t plan to create. I’m not a jewellery maker. Honestly, I’ve never even thought about making jewellery.

But in the middle of a heatwave, I started fiddling with old pieces I’d been ignoring for years. No reason. Just something pulled me toward them.

What came out wasn’t perfect, but it was mine, and strangely healing.

Sometimes creativity sneaks in when we’re not trying to fix or produce anything.

It just shows up.

This is how healing often begins—not with effort, but with permission.
When we let ourselves wander, we sometimes land in the exact place we need to be.

Sometimes a version of you appears, unannounced, and you realize they were always there.

When we let ourselves follow our unexpected creativity, we often meet someone new inside ourselves.

Who might you meet, if you let your hands lead the way?

30/06/2025

Do you ever catch your reflection mid-thought and wonder what your face is saying to the world?

Tina did.

Well, others did first, as she was convinced.

She told me, “There’s something in my face that scares men away.”
42, divorced, two kids, ready to date again, but she kept hitting a wall.

“I see the look in their eyes, like they’re afraid. And then they’re gone.”

“Have you ever asked what they saw?” I asked.

“No need,” she said. “It’s written all over them.”

But here's the thing—when we don’t ask, we’re not observing. We’re assuming.
And assumptions come from old wounds, not present facts.

So I asked, “What does that look feel like, to you?”

She paused. “Like I’m protecting myself.”

“And how does that feel?”

Her eyes welled up.
“Like I’m ready to fight.”

It traced back to her divorce—a messy, painful process that left a scar not only in her mind, but on her face.

Tina didn’t realize she was still wearing it.

Our body follows our thoughts. The tension, the micro expressions, the guarded stare we carry it, even if we don’t know it.

But here’s the key insight:

Unless someone tells you what they see or feel, everything else is mind reading—our brain filling in blanks based on old pain, not current reality.

Yes, Tina may have looked ready to defend herself, and perhaps some men were put off.
But maybe others weren’t.
Maybe they saw her, but she was already halfway out the door emotionally.

Healing begins when we notice not just what we think, but what our thoughts do to our face, our body, our energy—and how others may unknowingly respond.

Here’s something to think about:

What we think and feel shows up before we speak. There is this thought - muscle connection that is reflected on our face and in our body. We think about our past fights, conversations, struggles - our faces reflect that, often without our permission.

So next time you pass a mirror, or someone’s gaze ask yourself:

What am I carrying on my face today? Do I want to continue carrying that?

14/06/2025

When you feel unsafe, where do you turn first?
Most of us reach for someone, something…anything. But rarely we pause and check in with ourselves.
You are your own anchor — not the world outside you. Start there.

06/06/2025

There's nothing wrong with you.

04/06/2025

A STORY BEHIND EMOTIONAL CLUTTER

Sandra looked flawless — polished, poised, like she belonged on the cover of a magazine. But the woman who appeared on my screen wasn’t at peace. She was restless, her hands fidgeting, her eyes scanning, her breath shallow.

When I asked what brought her in, she exhaled and began to speak — not a clear answer, but a flood.

She bounced between moments from her past relationship: how it started, the highs, the betrayals, the on-again-off-again confusion. Her voice raced. Her emotions shifted from nostalgia to rage to guilt. But there was no centre to the story.
She wasn’t telling it. She was stuck inside it.

What Sandra was experiencing is something I see very often — emotional clutter.

WHAT IS EMOTIONAL CLUTTER?

Imagine your brain as a desk piled with loose papers — old memories, unresolved feelings, unspoken fears. There’s no room to think clearly. You can’t find your calm, your clarity, your confidence.
And for women healing after a painful relationship, this emotional clutter becomes a constant mental noise — draining, distracting, and deeply exhausting.

With Sandra, we didn’t analyse her breakup right away. That would’ve just added more paper to the pile.

Instead, I guided her through a visualization — inviting her to see her thoughts as scattered papers. I asked her to choose just one. That’s when something clicked.

She landed on a memory — not about her ex, but about being overlooked by someone very dear and close to her, years ago. The emotion behind that memory mirrored what she felt in her relationship.

IT WAS NEVER ABOUT HIM.

It was about old wounds resurfacing in familiar disguises. That’s what emotional clutter does — it layers new pain over unresolved pasts, making it hard to separate what’s current from what’s buried.

The 3-minute focus practice

WANT TO START UNTANGLING YOR EMOTIONAL CLUTTER?

Here’s a quick daily exercise I give my clients:

1. Set a timer for 3 minutes.
2. Ask: What emotion am I feeling most strongly right now?
3. Write down just that. No fixing. No backstory. Just name it.
This simple act helps you take an emotional “screenshot” of your mind. When done consistently, it builds self-awareness — the very thing emotional clutter tries to drown out.

WHY CLUTTER STEALS YOUR CONFIDENCE?

Emotional clutter doesn’t just overwhelm your mind — it undercuts your self-esteem. You can’t trust your instincts when you're buried under old stories. You second-guess yourself. You replay decisions. You struggle to hear your own voice.

But once you start clearing space, that inner voice gets louder. And you begin to trust it again.

Sandra didn’t leave our sessions “fixed.” Healing doesn’t work like that.

But she left with tools — and more importantly, freedom of action and choice. She learned to listen to herself. To ask deeper questions. To choose reflection over reaction.

A month later she told me:
“I don’t feel stuck in that movie anymore. I still think about him, but now it feels like watching a film — not living in it.”

That’s the power of clearing emotional clutter.

YOU CAN START TODAY

If Sandra’s story feels familiar, know this: you’re not broken. You’re just crowded.
Clearing emotional clutter isn’t about deleting your past. It’s about making space for who you’re becoming.

Start small. Write the feeling. Take the breath. Ask the question.

That’s how healing begins.

You don’t need to be perfect. Just present.

You’ve already made it this far — and that matters.

You’ve got this.

01/06/2025

“Do I look impersonal to you?” she asked, barely two minutes into our session. Vera, 38, charismatic and elegant — yet there was an ache in her voice. She had that look. You know the one — the face of a woman who’s trying to convince herself she’s not overreacting.

She’d just ended a two-week dating streak with a man who, on the surface, was lovely.

“He seemed kind. Didn’t push. We laughed. But… I felt invisible.”

I leaned in gently. “Can you tell me more about that feeling?”

She hesitated. “It hit me the other night — he never called me by my name. Not once. It felt like I was a... placeholder. A stand-in. Not me. Just someone.”

Not once. In two weeks. “It was like I was a concept, not a person,” she said. And that tiny detail hit hard.

Research shows that using someone’s first name creates a sense of validation and belonging. Dale Carnegie wrote, “A person’s name is to that person the sweetest sound in any language.” It’s not just poetic — it’s neurologically true. Brain scans show a unique response when we hear our own name. It activates areas linked to self-awareness and reward.

Not using someone’s name repeatedly, especially in early dating, can signal emotional distance or even a lack of genuine interest. It tells your subconscious, “You don’t matter enough to be named.”

It wasn’t the man’s actions that ultimately disappointed Vera — it was what they revealed. “When I asked him why he never used my name, he just shrugged. Said it wasn’t important. We are having a good time, aren't we?”

She felt like an accessory in the scene, not a person.

A name isn’t just a label. It’s recognition. It's emotional acknowledgment. It’s a basic form of respect. When someone doesn’t use it, they are — consciously or not — erasing parts of your identity.

Sometimes, the absence of your name is a sign of emotional withholding. People avoid it because naming creates intimacy — and not everyone is ready for that.

Small practices, big Impact.

Start noticing how you use your own name. Say it aloud. Sign your messages with it. Write it down when journaling. The brain responds to these cues.

What you can do if you feel invisible:

✔️ Ask gently: “Have you noticed you don’t use my name much?”
✔️ Affirm yourself: Use your own name with pride — write it, say it, feel it.
✔️ Anchor your identity: Remind yourself that you don’t need to shrink to be liked.

As we unpacked this together, Vera stopped blaming herself. She began to understand that being overlooked wasn’t her fault — but accepting it was within her control.

Now, she uses her name boldly. “Hi, I’m Vera,” she starts. With pride. With presence.

Every pain has a lesson. For Vera, it was simple but profound: I deserve to be acknowledged. That alone can change your life.

Sometimes, it’s not about massive transformation. It’s about subtle shifts — like someone finally calling you by your name, and you realizing… you needed that more than you thought.

Your name is not optional. It’s not decorative. It is your identity. And anyone who won’t use it is showing you something. Believe them.

Vera’s story is one many women can relate to — being in relationships where you feel present but invisible. By tuning into what felt “off,” she discovered a lack of emotional recognition. The use of her name became the symbolic key to understanding her deeper needs. As her therapist, I offered space, tools, and reflection — but it was Vera who stepped into the light and reclaimed her voice. And you can too.

Mindset Detective Therapy

17/09/2025

31/08/2025

29/08/2025

14/08/2025

13/08/2025

25/07/2025

30/06/2025

14/06/2025

06/06/2025

04/06/2025

01/06/2025

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