29/03/2026
In the last few weeks I’ve been caught in the gravity of something heavy inside me. I've felt the allure of avoidance. Wanting to do everything else (there's so much to do!) but sit with myself and all the unpleasant feelings shaking my core.
For years I've been wanting to commit to a daily yoga practice, ans I have succeeded for weeks and months at a time. It's easier when life is going well. There are also days and weeks that go by where i don't step foot on my yoga mat. Ive noticed that these are usually the harder days and weeks of my life.
I know that I have, for most of my life, been a pro at avoiding and suppressing difficult feelings, experiences and emotions cos it felt easier than feeling them, the places where you feel like you've been torn , where the wound is the deepest. But in thr words of Leonard Cohen, “There is a crack in everything,
that’s how the light gets in.”
Bones grow stronger when they fracture, resilience and capacity grows when you stop running from suffering.
In and effort to integrate my pain and to choose honoring over avoiding, I've been showing up for myself, really meeting myself in the dark spaces of my experience, on my yoga mat. When there's nothing else to do an nowhere else to be but with it all. In all it's messy-ness (not fun the virgo in me). Twice ive only got 15 minutes in & had to stop because I just couldn't. But the other days where I've stuck it out I've moved WITH the pain, the confusion, the doubt. and it doesn’t disappear, but i can be with it
I know Im not the first to say this but I think it's such an important message and part of the yoga conversation. Yoga isn't a band-aid. It's not an inherently peaceful experience. When you're really getting present, you're getting present with all of the fractured parts of yourself and your experience. All the things you've been running from catch up with you when you give the space for it to, when it's quiet enough for your hearts voice to be heard.
I guess the moral of the story here is that "The work" isn’t to escape the pain.
It’s to become someone who can sit inside it without leaving, without abandoning the parts of yourself that aren't fun or easy to be with