Hand to Heart Project

Hand to Heart Project Exploring the neuroscientific underpinnings of a child's physical, psychological and emotional development.

I am a clinical psychologist and paediatric neuropsychologist who has a passion for psychology and neuroscience. I have specialised in working with children, adolescents, young adults and parents for 25 years, in the areas of mental health, child development and rehabilitation.

28/03/2026

Parenting becomes easier when we understand children from a developmental perspective.
Not all challenging behaviour means something is wrong.

Often, it simply reflects what is normal for that stage of development.

From a brain perspective, children’s abilities to regulate emotions, manage impulses, and think ahead develop gradually over time.

The thinking brain is still under construction.

This means many behaviours — big emotions, impulsivity, resistance, testing limits —
are part of development, not defiance.

It also helps to look beneath the behaviour. Behaviour is often a signal of underlying drivers such as fatigue, stress, frustration, or unmet needs.

When we understand what is developmentally normal and what might be driving the behaviour, we can respond with guidance instead of frustration.

Understanding the brain changes how we see behaviour.

💬 Save this for the next challenging parenting moment.
💛 Share with a parent who feels confused by their child’s behaviour.

28/03/2026

Parenting becomes easier when we understand children from a developmental perspective.
Not all challenging behaviour means something is wrong.
Often, it simply reflects what is normal for that stage of development.
From a brain perspective, children’s abilities to regulate emotions, manage impulses, and think ahead develop gradually over time.
The thinking brain is still under construction.
This means many behaviours —
big emotions, impulsivity, resistance, testing limits —
are part of development, not defiance.
It also helps to look beneath the behaviour.
Behaviour is often a signal of underlying drivers such as fatigue, stress, frustration, or unmet needs.
When we understand what is developmentally normal and what might be driving the behaviour,
we can respond with guidance instead of frustration.
Understanding the brain changes how we see behaviour.
💬 Save this for the next challenging parenting moment.
💛 Share with a parent who feels confused by their child’s behaviour.

28/03/2026

Parenting becomes easier when we understand children from a developmental perspective.

Not all challenging behaviour means something is wrong.
Often, it simply reflects what is normal for that stage of development.

From a brain perspective, children’s abilities to regulate emotions, manage impulses, and think ahead develop gradually over time.

The thinking brain is still under construction.
This means many behaviours — big emotions, impulsivity, resistance, testing limits —
are part of development, not defiance.

It also helps to look beneath the behaviour.
Behaviour is often a signal of underlying drivers such as fatigue, stress, frustration, or unmet needs.

When we understand what is developmentally normal and what might be driving the behaviour, we can respond with guidance instead of frustration.

Understanding the brain changes how we see behaviour.

💬 Save this for the next challenging parenting moment.
💛 Share with a parent who feels confused by their child’s behaviour.

24/03/2026

Parenting is not easy.

It can bring up powerful feelings —
including shame, self-doubt, and a sense that you’re not doing it well enough.

But healthy development does not require perfect parenting.
Research on “good enough parenting” shows that children thrive when relationships include connection, repair, and emotional safety.

From a brain perspective, what matters most is not getting everything right.
It’s what happens after things go wrong.

When parents acknowledge mistakes, reconnect, and help their child make sense of what happened, the child’s nervous system learns that relationships are safe and repairable.

Repair builds trust.
Repair strengthens attachment.
Repair is how children learn that conflict does not mean disconnection.

💬 Save this for the days you feel like you’ve failed.
💛 Share with a parent who needs this reminder today.

20/03/2026

You cannot reason with a dysregulated brain.
When a child becomes overwhelmed, the brain shifts into survival mode.
The emotional brain takes over and the thinking brain goes offline.

In that moment, logic, lessons and consequences are unlikely to be effective.

What helps first is connection and regulation.
When a child’s nervous system is supported and begins to settle,
the thinking brain can come back online.

Only then can children listen, reflect and learn.

Connection before correction.
Regulation before reasoning.

A child whose nervous system feels safe is a child who can learn.

💬 Save this for the next challenging moment.
💛 Share with a parent who feels stuck repeating the same lessons.

17/03/2026

When your child is distressed,
your nervous system becomes incredibly important.
Neuroscience shows that humans have mirror neuron systems —
brain networks that help us read and reflect the emotional states of others.

Children’s brains are especially sensitive to this.
They look to the adults around them to understand whether a situation is safe or threatening.

When you slow your breathing, soften your voice, and stay regulated,
your child’s brain can begin to mirror that calm.

This is how co-regulation works.
Your regulated nervous system becomes the signal of safety that helps your child’s body settle.

Before children can regulate themselves,
they first learn regulation through us.

💬 Save this for the next big feeling moment.
💛 Share with a parent who wants to help their child calm down.

13/03/2026

Parenting a child who is not biologically yours can feel different —
but it can also be deeply freeing.
Without the expectations that sometimes come with biological ties,
there can be more space to be curious about who this child truly is.

From a brain and attachment perspective,
what shapes a child’s development is not biology alone,
but the experience of consistent safety, connection, and care.

Children’s brains grow through relationships.
Through everyday experiences of attunement, understanding, and emotional support.

When a child feels seen, accepted and safe in a relationship,
their nervous system begins to trust —
and attachment can grow.

Connection, not biology, is what builds security in the brain.

💬 Save this if you are parenting through adoption, fostering, or step-parenting.
💛 Share with someone building connection with a child in their life.

10/03/2026

If we want to change behaviour, we need to work with the brain, not against it.
Behaviour is the final step in a much bigger process.
Underneath behaviour is the child’s nervous system state.
From a neuroscience perspective, when a child becomes overwhelmed, the brain shifts into survival mode.
The emotional brain takes over and the thinking brain goes offline.
In this state, reasoning, listening and learning are much harder.
What helps first is calming the body and nervous system.
When the nervous system settles, the thinking brain comes back online — and behaviour can improve.
Regulation comes before reasoning.
Calm the body, and behaviour will follow.
💬 Save this for the next challenging behaviour moment.
💛 Share with a parent who feels stuck trying to “fix” behaviour.

03/03/2026

Secure attachment is not created by perfect parenting or special moments.
It is built through everyday experiences of connection.
From a brain perspective, children develop emotional security through repeated patterns of:
• connection
• emotional regulation
• repair after difficult moments
When a child experiences comfort, understanding, and reconnection,
their nervous system learns that relationships are safe and reliable.
These repeated experiences build trust, resilience, and emotional security over time.
Attachment grows in the ordinary moments —
coming back together after conflict,
helping your child calm big feelings,
and showing them that connection lasts even when things are hard.
These are the foundations I teach in my online courses,
helping parents understand how everyday interactions shape their child’s developing brain.
💬 Save this as a reminder that small moments matter.
💛 Share with a parent wanting to strengthen connection with their child.

28/02/2026

In the busyness of everyday life, it’s easy to believe children need more activities, more opportunities, more doing.
But what children need most is your presence.
From a brain perspective, a parent’s attentive presence regulates a child’s nervous system.
When children experience consistent emotional availability, their brain learns safety, connection, and belonging.
It’s not about constant attention or perfect parenting.
It’s about small moments of being truly with your child —
listening, noticing, sharing space together.
These moments shape how children see themselves,
how they manage emotions,
and how secure they feel in relationships.
Presence is what builds attachment.
And attachment is the foundation for healthy development.
💬 Save this reminder for busy days.
💛 Share with a parent who needs permission to slow down.

26/02/2026

Consequences alone do not teach children emotional regulation.
Rules can stop behaviour in the moment,
but they don’t teach a child what to do with big feelings.
From a brain perspective, emotional regulation is a skill that develops over time.
When children are overwhelmed, the emotional brain takes over and the thinking brain goes offline.
What children need is not just correction —
they need coaching.
They need help to:
• recognise their emotions
• understand what their feelings mean
• calm their body and nervous system
• learn safe ways to respond
Skills build regulation.
Regulation leads to better behaviour.
When we teach children how to manage emotions,
we are building lifelong self-regulation — not just short-term compliance.
💬 Save this for the next big feeling moment.
💛 Share with a parent who feels stuck repeating consequences.

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Auckland
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