06/03/2026
Things I learned the hard way about leaving toxic environments…
Your mind will often try to take you back.
Not because it was good for you.
But because it was familiar.
If you’ve spent years seeking validation from others to feel worthy, leaving those spaces can feel like losing the very thing that helped you value yourself.
Approval.
Recognition.
Being needed.
And suddenly you’re left with a question many people have never learned how to answer:
Who am I without their approval?
Most of the time, staying in these environments feeds a deeper belief:
“I’m not good enough.”
So without realising it, you place yourself in spaces where that belief keeps getting reinforced.
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Chasing people who are unavailable.
Seeking validation from the wrong people.
Trying to prove your worth to those who never fully give approval.
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Because if you can finally get their validation,
it feels like proof that you’re finally enough.
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But the truth is…
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No amount of approval from the wrong people will ever heal a belief that was formed inside you.
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I actually wrote about this experience in my recent book — how hard it was to walk away from an environment that was feeding my insecurities, and how every part of me wanted to go back just to prove my value.
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And sometimes another uncomfortable question arises:
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Were those environments actually toxic…
or did they simply reveal the parts of me that need my attention and healing?
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Because often both can be true.
Some environments are unhealthy.
But they can also highlight the insecurities, patterns, and wounds within us that are asking for our attention and growth.
And once you begin to heal those parts of yourself…
you stop being attracted to the same environments that once felt normal.
If you think you are stuck in a toxic environment, reach out I know personally how hard it can be to break that cycle - Jen x
