10/08/2025
The Scenario: You finally opened up to a close friend about something weighing on you. You’re feeling the weight of stress at work, a fight with your partner, or a creeping sense of burnout.
Instead of just listening, they immediately offered a solution: “You should really try waking up earlier,” or “Well, just talk to your boss about it.” It came from a good place, but it didn’t land right. You felt dismissed, not heard. Still, you smiled, nodded, and changed the subject.
The Insight: We all have different “support languages”. Some people offer comfort through action, others through presence. But when those styles don’t match in the moment, it can create a disconnect that feels like rejection.
Instead of leaving the conversation feeling lighter, you walk away more alone. The fix isn’t to shut down or withdraw, it’s to communicate your needs more clearly.
The Strategy: Name What You Need
Get clear on your ask before you reach out. Do you want to vent, brainstorm, cry, or be distracted? Knowing helps you guide the tone of the interaction.
Start the conversation with a cue:
“Can I just talk through something without fixing it for a sec?”
“Not looking for solutions, just someone to sit with it.”
“I know what needs to be done, I just need to get it off my chest for a bit.”
These phrases act like social setting instructions, giving your friend a better chance to meet you where you are.
Revisit the moment later if needed. If you didn’t set expectations and felt let down, it’s okay to go back and say: “Hey, when I shared that earlier, I really just needed someone to sit with me in it. Next time, can I let you know what kind of support I need?”
Why It Matters: Friendships aren’t built on mind-reading, they thrive on mutual understanding. Teaching someone how to support you is a form of emotional intimacy, not confrontation. You’re not being “too much” by naming your needs; you’re giving the relationship a chance to deepen in trust.
Try This Next Time: Before you reach out, pause and ask yourself, “What would feel most supportive right now? Does it look like advice, comfort, or just someone on the other end?” Then say it out loud. That small shift can make all the difference.
