Nathanael Dei Gratia Counselling

09/11/2025

One of the biggest challenges as a parent is to remain centred and connected. Parenting is a tough gig, particularly as we manage our own energy and selves through life.

We’re often quick to correct, but real change starts when a child feels seen, heard, and safe. Behaviour shifts when there's connection. Lead with empathy, not just discipline.
"Connection changes behaviour more than correction ever will."

More information in my book
Guidance from The Therapist Parent
Available on my website www.thetherapistparent.com and Amazon

26/09/2025

Yep, as parents, we are doing to get dysregulated. It is part of who we are.

22/09/2025

I've been thinking a lot about grief lately. Seeing people put rules around how "we should" grief, and how "we should" relate to those who have passed is always one of the most frustrating things for me. Grief is a deeply personal experience - there are ways to help work through the experience, but, as I grow older, the more and more I realise it is different from each time - it brings up things about ourself in relation to us, and also to those we are in relationship too.

I was thinking a couple of days ago about grief, and how often it can be a reminder to embrace the good things we have. Grief also can be a mix, for me, sometimes it can remind of those relationships I have and to honour them, and celebrate the memories and the joys of life.

For others, grief can be intensely difficult. Sometimes the person/ thing we lose we may not have a great relationship with, for example, a abusive parent, or a community / or a belief system that may have aspects of meaning, but have been deeply toxic and hurtful. Grief may remind us of trauma. This is ok.

The emotions we deal with with grief may so depend on the person, place, experience. Sometimes we have relief, sometimes we are deeply angry, sometimes we are sad, sometimes we may have joy. All are ok

The process of grief is not one to be boxed in, I personally get angry when I see people subscribe a one size fits all approach.

Personally the way for me is to be empathetic with myself when grieving, allowing the emotions, following the needs that are called up, been kind, been open, and been curious with myself.

If you are grieving at the moment, I hope you have a place you feel safe to process and to be.

08/09/2025

Great little tips

29/08/2025

This looks great for our disabled tane!

I.Lead is excited to announce its newest programme: Te Ara Tāne: The Path of Men

We’re creating a space where disabled men (18-30) can come together, be real, and have honest kōrero about the ups and downs of life — the stuff people don’t always talk about. Whether it’s about identity, relationships, mental health, or just everyday challenges, this is a space where you’ll be heard and understood.

This group was designed by disabled men, for disabled men — no pressure, no judgement, just a chance to connect, listen, and be yourself.

Come along. Your story matters. Your voice belongs here.

Our meeting dates for 2025 are:
September 17th
October 15th
November 19th
December 17th

Click here to register for ‘Te Ara Tāne – The Path of Men': https://www.ilead.org.nz/te-ara-tane/

23/08/2025

I'm dyslexic, luckily I havn't let it stop me, dyslexia comes with characteristics including creativity, empathy and persistence which I use to make the world a better place. I didn't need to be cured, I needed acceptance and for people to see the potential.

10/08/2025

What tips and tricks do you have to deal with the challenges of neurdiversity at work?

Here are 5 ways to overcome your dyslexic challenges and empower your Dyslexic Thinking.

For more ways to Empower Your Dyslexic Thinking at work, take FREE LinkedIn Learning course: https://www.linkedin.com/.../empowering-dyslexic-thinking...

28/07/2025

Do you know what one of my pet peeve words is?

It's the term resilience

You want to know why? Well the term can often be weaponised against those with hidden disabilities.

Last night I watch a clip, it was talking about how often those working with people who can be come disregulated focus on the wrong thing at at the height of disregulation. The disregulated kid, who is pushed to the edge wants a chocolate bar, and instead of providing for the need, we push for the strategy that we have been taught will work. This ends up frustrating the kid and pushing the kid / or adult further towards the ends of disregulation.

When we go for the strategy and not for supportive regulation we are doing harm.

At times I have just had to just sit with the client, and just be, listen and guide and say its going to be ok, get them a drink of water, or a weighted blanket, or some food.

This may seem like top level stuff, but the need at that moment, at that very moment, where the person is is the most important - it is "the intervention"

Yesterday I was having a hard day, stuff in my internal world, and my external world were not going well. I was disregulated and it was on show. In the way I responded to those closest, and in small aspects of forgetting things. I was not been resilient.

I had to do the small things to keep my head screwed on so I could turn up for people - it was tough.

And that is the thing, those of us with hidden disabilities - we are managing a whole lot of internal stuff. If I'm tired, and there is a loud noise, it may lead to me been frozen for 10 to 15 minutes - it may be made worse if there is no where to go for me to calm myself and nervous system down.

Whenever I think of people who are disregulated, one of the most helpful things is having the things that will help them back down from the tough spot, for them it may be splashing their face, it maybe a coffee, it maybe calming music, it maybe a smell. Everyone if different.

The best thing we can do is go - hey I see this is hard, what do you need in this moment. IF they can't respond - just keep space and wait, be patient, take time. Likely hood is they are overstimulated, and need some time to get to what's causing the issue. Listen and help where you can

Picture below of me at my office, feeling ok. Happy and ready for the day

14/07/2025

We must continue to change the system - to be neuroaffirming is not a slogan, its changing our mindset and shifting how we work to be more aligned with those we cross paths with

I use this line a lot when I deliver teacher training. Having been a teacher myself, I understand the temptation to resist difficult changes in environments that are already stressful, but the best schools I worked at always made a serious effort to be authentically child-centred.

Of course, it's not just students that this applies to. It's also easier to accuse adults of bad parenting than to acknowledge that a child has an atypical, invisible, and (above all) inconvenient set of needs. It's even true in the workplace: it's easier to write bad things in an autistic employee's performance review than to change your workplace's working environment to accommodate everyone (instead of just those who it would have accommodated anyway).

So how do we change this? Well at the decision-making levels, it involves being bold enough and flexible enough to look at your school/workplace with a critical eye and honestly ask "who is this serving?"
And what can people outside those systems do? Pretty much what we've been doing for quite some years now- refuse to shut up. Keep talking about autism, neurodivergence, disability and the benefits of accessibility, and continue to do so to the point where refusing to accommodate is seen as unacceptable.

Because the moment we stop talking about these topics, the easiest route with the lowest amount of change will be the default option again.
Chris Bonnello - Autistic Author