05/12/2025
Harmonic Wellbeing has always been a space for healing, and as my work deepens into trauma, behaviour change, lifestyle medicine, and science-backed health coaching, the way I share is evolving too.
You’ll see more informative, grounded, honest and sometimes raw posts like this — the real patterns that shape how we cope and how we heal our mind, body and soul.
There’s a reason some of us struggle to accept support. It’s not personality, confidence, or “being strong.” It’s a trauma response that formed because relying on people wasn’t safe.
That “I’ll just do it myself” mindset didn’t appear out of thin air. It was a way to manage growing up with people who weren’t there—whether they chose not to be, or simply couldn’t be. It came from partners who could give intimacy but not emotional safety. From friendships or family systems where you carried far more than anyone ever carried for you.
When enough people say, “I’m here,” and then disappear the moment things get difficult, your nervous system learns:
Don’t rely on anyone.
Handle everything yourself.
It’s safer that way.
Extreme independence is basically a trust injury.
A logical adaptation to repeated disappointment.
You tell yourself:
“If I don’t depend on anyone, they can’t let me down. They can’t drop the ball. They can’t leave me to clean up the mess—again.”
It’s self-protection. And honestly, it was probably necessary at the time.
But it also turns into a wall that blocks more than hurt. It blocks connection. Support. Love. It keeps everything out, good and bad.
Recognizing this for what it is doesn’t mean you failed. It just means you’ve named the pattern honestly.
And once it’s named, it can be healed.
You deserve support.
You deserve steady partnership.
You deserve to be cared for, not just the one who cares.
You deserve someone who says, “I’ve got it—rest,” and actually follows through.
You don’t have to prove your worth.
You don’t have to earn it.
You don’t have to fight for it.
You’re worthy simply because you’re here.
That’s the truth.
