Kirsty Fernandes - Honouring Māmā

Kirsty Fernandes - Honouring Māmā All about honouring and supporting Māmā and their wider whānau (family) in pregnancy & parenthood Online and in Tākaka, Aotearoa, New Zealand

*Aware Parenting Attachment Play Series* post 2/10Non-directive child centered play!The secret sauce in parenting! Get a...
20/11/2025

*Aware Parenting Attachment Play Series* post 2/10

Non-directive child centered play!

The secret sauce in parenting! Get an insight into how your child/ren is doing, how they want to connect with you and what they might currently be processing/moving through.




11/11/2025

On Matariki I called in more creative expression.

I'd written down specifically that I wanted to regularly attend a Writer's Club and learn pottery.

Writer's Club has been soul replenishing to attend once a month on a Saturday morning. It's the most wholesome, safe and nourishing space and allows me to do a lot of emotional processing - something I still find really challenging to make time for with having two young children and choosing to homeschool.

And when the opportunity came up for a weekend pottery workshop rather than regular night classes, this is also seemed accessible. There's something so amazing about creating with your hands. I remember reading something from Kimberly Ann Johnson about how our hands are searching to create because in the past we needed to create plates, bowls and cups so that we had something to eat and drink from. It was functional and necessary.

And now we can just walk into a shop and buy these things so easily.

But it's like our muscle memory is still there, and our hands are always searching to create. This is also, why I think, I love gardening. It's how it's supposed to be.

06/11/2025

I sat with my fear today.

She’d been fluttering in my chest on and off for the last few days. I sat on the bed, held my hand to my chest and acknowledged her presence.

“Hello fear. What do you need to tell me darling?”

She blurted out all the things she was afraid of. One after the other. I reflected it all back to her. Didn’t question it. Didn’t invalidate it. Just sat with her in it.

I felt into my body, where she was residing. In my chest. In my heart. In my throat. I coughed, I swallowed, I took deep, deep breaths. Suddenly, my scar tissue pinged around where my gall bladder used to be. I held my hand to it, lay down, stretched out my body and gave her some space. Still holding a hand to it in comfort. Perhaps that’s where she’d resided in the past. And although the organ was gone, she was not.

I asked if I could just sit with her. She softened in relief. My resistance to her had been deeply painful. I told her that I understood she was there to keep me safe. I told her what a good job she’d been doing my whole life. I thanked her. She softened further. I asked her what else she had to tell me. I repeated it all back to her – without judgement, without distraction, without interjection.

I asked her if she would like a hug. And she softened into tears in my embrace. After some time in silence, I asked if I could hold her hand. I told her we could move forward together – yes, together. I am not leaving her behind. She is deeply important to me. She is not wrong. She cares deeply for me. I need her. And we can move forward, side by side, together. It is not her or I, it is all parts of us, together.

I opened my eyes, my chest felt expansive again, my breath had deepened, my throat is clearing.

Have you made friends with your feelings?

Kirsty's Weekly Insights...I'm excited to revitalise this series I did some time ago with new ideas and insights. Aware ...
30/10/2025

Kirsty's Weekly Insights...

I'm excited to revitalise this series I did some time ago with new ideas and insights.

Aware Parenting Attachment Play Series (1/10)

What is Attachment Play?

Aware Parenting Attachment Play Series (1/10)What is Attachment Play?
30/10/2025

Aware Parenting Attachment Play Series (1/10)

What is Attachment Play?

I'm so grateful I could identify how my son's birth showed up in his life thanks to Aware Parenting 💚When I was in labou...
17/10/2025

I'm so grateful I could identify how my son's birth showed up in his life thanks to Aware Parenting 💚

When I was in labour, my labour stalled for around 5 hours. After my midwife supported me through a big release of feelings, my body and my baby were ready for birth.

What happened next fascinated me. After a few sessions of cranial sacral therapy and getting to know each other, I watched the way he moved his body. Often, the back of his head would rest against the arm of the couch. He'd bring his head forward, then back again, letting out big cries.

Through an Aware Parenting lens, I recognised something: his body was processing and healing his feelings around feeling 'stuck' in the birth canal. He'd take up this posture when releasing feelings, then suddenly stopped. Those feelings had been resolved.

Here's what surprised me most: this birth experience plays out in who he is now. He's an "in his own time" kind of soul. You can't tell him he's safe. He has to feel it in his own body. It helps me go gently with him, to be patient, to be compassionate when he takes his time.

Does your baby's pregnancy, labour and birth show up in the way they are in the world? I'd love to explore this with you through birth debriefing and Aware Parenting support. Book a free 15-min session to see if we're a fit, or explore packages that work for your family.

Link in comments 💚

Photo credit:

Who am I?I'm the sort of Mama that will let her children facepaint her and then go to homeschool sports (no it was not a...
09/10/2025

Who am I?

I'm the sort of Mama that will let her children facepaint her and then go to homeschool sports (no it was not a special or themed sports day, it happens every week...)

I'm the sort of Mama who will play weird and wonderful games spontaneously to help my kiddos move through things that feel tricky.

I'm the sort of Mama who will sing my frustrations and overshare with my listening partner.

I'm also the sort of Mama who doesn't have it together all the time, sometimes yells or says things I don't want to, let's my inner child take the wheel occasionally and sometimes feels like I'm not good enough (ok probably more often than sometimes...)

And...

I'm the sort of Mama who repairs constantly with my kiddos, goes to therapy, looks inwards, and wonders, "what is this bringing up for me? What needs to be heard and held for me right now?"

As an Aware Parenting Coach, I'm not here to tell you how to parent (spoiler alert). I'm here to help you feel seen in the hard, celebrated and honoured in your wins, support you to get more of your needs met and make sense of the chaos and beauty of parenting - ourselves and our little ones all at the very same time.

I see you, because I am you.

How can a humble pair of socks transform your afternoon?I noticed today that my son was saying some unkind things and se...
03/10/2025

How can a humble pair of socks transform your afternoon?

I noticed today that my son was saying some unkind things and seemed to be having big reactions to small things. He was occasionally aggressive. His sister and him were sort of rough and tumbling with each other but I could foresee that someone was going to get hurt. I was feeling very low on capacity and unsure how to help him move through his feelings.

Then I saw a pair of socks.

“Why don’t you play sock wars?” I said. They ran to each put a sock on and then tackled each other to get the other’s sock off, all while trying to keep their own sock on. Suddenly, there was uncontrollable eruptions of laughter. They could barely stop laughing before they had put their sock back on and started another round. Then my daughter ran upstairs and fetched more socks – a complete pair for each of them and one for me too. They like to use our socks for this, so they are oversized and we leave them hanging off the end of our toes a little so they’re easy to grab. (Our kids are 4 and 6).

What followed was several rounds of sock wars, where I lost terribly and also got carpet burn on my knees (I took it very seriously!). Then I whispered to the kids to invite Dad to play and conspired that we would all try get his socks off instead of each other. I pinned Dad down and they attacked. More uncontrollable laughter. And as their feelings were released through laughter, connection, cooperation, power reversal, body contact and play, the mood of the afternoon shifted.

Sometimes, all we need to do is look at our feet for inspiration.

If you’d like to learn more little tricks and tools – join me next year in my Aware Parenting Support Circle. You can learn more about it here: https://www.honouringmama.com/aware-parenting-support-circle

**What connecting rituals do you have as a family?**Over the last three years, I've started to get even clearer on what ...
26/09/2025

**What connecting rituals do you have as a family?**

Over the last three years, I've started to get even clearer on what rituals, ceremonies and traditions I want for our family.

This has meant welcoming in, acknowledging and celebrating the Spring and Autumn Equinox and Summer and Winter Solstice. I really wanted to bring these particular ceremonies in because I had come to dread the colder, rainier months, feeling like I was just surviving until Spring returned - and I didn't want to. All of the seasons have purpose and all of them are needed for death, composting, the planting of seeds, rebirth, growth and harvest.

We as humans - are also nature - we are cyclical beings that need to go through our own seasons (which don't always align with the weather seasons we're experiencing). Turning inward, letting go of what no longer serves, seeding something for the future, birthing something new. It is through death that something new can be born. It is through composting that harvest is possible.

Honouring the changing seasons in this way allows us to do this consciously as a family - to welcome what each season brings and to release and let go of the season that has been.

Our journey through Aware Parenting is the same. We tend to the seeds and the soil, we grow, we evolve, we bloom, we wither, we prune the parts that don't align anymore and then we do it all again.

This seasonal awareness could transform how we think about parenting challenges too - instead of fighting the tricky, we could honour them as necessary seasons in our children's growth (and ours too)... how different would that feel?

Next year I'll be holding another Aware Parenting Support Circle where we can journey through the seasons together, supporting each other through the big bits and celebrating the growth - in community. I so hope you'll join us.

I’m back in therapy. I’ve been in and out of therapy and healing modalities for a while and I’ve tried all sorts to see ...
15/09/2025

I’m back in therapy.

I’ve been in and out of therapy and healing modalities for a while and I’ve tried all sorts to see what resonates for me and my body – counselling, Hakomi, Romiromi, Energy Healing, Neurolink... At the moment it’s EMDR and I’m finding it really effective at transforming and integrating some of my experiences at a cellular level.

I’m not back in therapy because I’ve failed. I’m back in therapy because the next layers are surfacing and asking to be processed and I need support to do that. There’s stuff that I can process on my own, with the tools I’ve acquired over the years and then there’s moments where I’m like, "yeah nah, we gotta pull in something extra for this part." (Thank you insurance).

Sometimes I feel disheartened – “why is this coming up again? I’ve already been through it,” and then I remember that I’m meeting it as a different person BECAUSE I have processed a lot of it already. This is just the next little piece coming up and I remind myself that I will never be truly ‘done’ and that’s ok.

It is so hard to be witnessed if we’re not used to it. It can feel really difficult and challenging to say out loud what’s been stirring in your soul. This is how disease manifests.

Our thyroid is in our throat and I’m certain my thyroid issues are related to holding in what has been unrelenting in it’s need to meet the air. So I’m practicing the bravery to say it out loud. To let the words curl from my lips and my truth to see the daylight.

I do my inner work for me. And I know it impacts all of my relationships and the ways that I show up where it counts. I also know I can only journey as far with my clients as I have done within myself.

It’s never too late to meet the next layer. When it pops up, gather your support, get grounded and lean in. It’s a part of you just waiting to be heard.



04/09/2025

Are you keen to share the insights you hold as a member of Aotearoa's birth trauma community?

We are developing a consumer/whānau advisory group that we can gather feedback from 💙
Our Consumer Advisory Group will be a casual, "on-call" group that we can kōrero with if we need feedback on things such as a project, an idea, a research proposal, etc.
Input would likely be via email, or the odd zoom meeting.
Like others working at Birth Trauma Aotearoa, this is a voluntary position.

You could be a Mum/Birthing Parent or Dad/Non-birthing Parent and you could be impacted by physical and/or psychological birth trauma.

We would especially love to hear from you if you are Māori, from the Pacific Islands, a member of the disability community or the rainbow community.

If you're interested, or if you have any questions about the Advisory Group, please send us an email:
birthtraumaaotearoa@gmail.com

Ngā mihi 💙
The Birth Trauma Aotearoa team

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Takaka Town District

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About Me

My husband Duane and I have two little cherubs, Indie and Roman.

My own journey in Motherhood has shown me how crucial it is that we hold space for our mothers, and what a profound effect this can have on our experience. I am so passionate about listening to your story, about helping you to feel nourished, nurtured and honoured as a Māmā and about supporting you and your family in your own journey in Parenthood.

My hope is that this kind of care will help us create happier and more connected Māmās, babies, families and communities.

Photo credit: @Bloompress