Life Changes Counselling, Psychotherapy and Hypnotherapy.

24/08/2024

It takes two to have a securely attached relationship, but it only takes one to change YOU. You also have a relationship with yourself.⁠
Instead of asking “what is my partner doing for me?” ask “who do I want to be in the world?” Do I want to be my best self in order to grow as person and shift the relationship environment without expecting immediate results? Or do I want to stay focused on what my partner is doing wrong and use mantras like “it takes two” to justify staying stuck?⁠
Yes, it takes two to have a great relationship, but it only takes one get the ball rolling and to start making consistent, positive shifts. Who should this be? The healthier partner has to take the lead because if they don’t, nobody else will. But even if your partner is fully on board to change along with you, your focus still need to first be on your own actions and responses because ultimately that’s all you can control. The rest is all about what you can influence, which is not the same control. Influence is more about modeling the very behaviors you want in return.⁠
The work I’m describing is about creating a secure attachment with yourself and it’s impossible to have a secure attachment with your partner if you don’t have one with yourself. At the same time, a secure relationship with your partner will enhance your own secure attachment within. It’s a feedback loop.⁠
If you’re saying “I’ve done the work and I’ve given it time and I’m still not happy with the relationship, what do I do?” I can’t really answer that because I don’t know your situation. But I can say that I don’t want anyone to be in a miserable, unfulfilling relationship and you might have tough decisions to make if you’re miserable and have little to no hope things will get better.⁠
And, what I do know is that many of you reading this probably need to spend some time looking inward instead of outward, and start there. For what it’s worth, I hold myself to the same standard. 🪴⁠
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24/08/2024

How do you treat your anger?

04/08/2024

Once you fully accept a painful feeling and have compassion for yourself for having it, you turn the tables on that feeling. You start…

23/06/2023

Not Responding To Your Baby’s Cries Can Harm Brain Development‼️

Babies cannot communicate with words like we do since their brains are still developing.
So, the only way for babies to communicate is to cry. 😢

Mums are often advised by friends and even family to relax and let the baby cry until s/he is tired and fall asleep. 😞

It is not an opinion but a fact that it’s potentially damaging to leave babies to cry 😿 ‼️

A study by neurobiologists recently says that crying for long increases the stress levels in babies.‼️
Crying for long can raise the levels of stress hormones such as cortisol, and this is toxic to the baby’s brain. 🧠 👶 ‼️

I don’t mean the regular crying that communicates baby’s needs, but the deprived attention to babies which increases the stress levels in the little ones.

⚠️scientific data – scientists have tested the babies’ saliva and saw an increased level of cortisol in distressed babies who were not given attention or responded to when they cried.

When a baby cries at times and their expectations are not paid heed to, the baby learns to give up and let it go. So, when parents do not respond to their baby’s incessant cries, parents feel they’ve trained their child well. However, these children grow up to be anxious adults. 😞

Paying attention to a baby’s needs and comforting him/her during times of distress is the basis of healthy early parenting.

Responding to your baby’s cries and needs gives them a secure and safe feeling. ❤️

Babies feel loved and assured when they receive the attention and comfort that they crave for. 🤗

Babies who are comfortable grow up to be more active, responsive, and happy on the whole. 😊

Giving your child all the attention and love is the best way to raise a smart, happy, and intellectual child. 🙌

Loving your child and giving them the attention they need is a maternal instinct and is usually ingrained in each mother.

It is only a matter to know when to listen to your intuition.

So while people around you advise you to let your baby cry and ask you to relax and wait for your baby to calm down on their own, do what your heart tells you. ❤️

Pick up your baby, comfort him/her and make sure you assure your baby of being loved and how important they are to you.
And then, you can relax with your baby knowing s/he is happy and in no distress. ❤️❤️❤️

20/02/2023

3 steps to take your own needs more seriously.

20/02/2023

14/02/2023

“Part of helping to prevent child sexual abuse is being able to identify other people’s unsafe behaviour around children.

Unfortunately, it is not always easy to identify people who sexually abuse children. This is because people who harm children do not look any different than other people, and are most often people known and trusted by the family. Often, they are also members of the family and may be a child or young person themselves.

People who sexually abuse children typically ‘groom’ or prepare the family and child so they can carry out the abuse. They first usually gain the trust of the family, and then move on to create a special bond with the child, and make opportunities to be alone with the child. This process is called ‘grooming’.

Sometimes children are threatened to keep quiet about the abuse, and other times the child is encouraged to see the behaviour as a special or positive thing.

The first thing adults can do to identify possible ‘grooming’ is to look beyond WHO the people are around our kids, and focus on WHAT they are doing. While it is often difficult to see, there are some behaviours that might indicate that someone is ‘grooming’ you or your child for sexual abuse.

Look out for people who:
• give gifts to children for no reason
• have a ‘favourite’ child
• like to be alone with a child
• have sleepovers with children
• don’t respect personal privacy and boundaries of children (e.g. walking in on children in the bathroom or getting dressed, tickling or holding children when they are uncomfortable with what is going on)
• offer to babysit alone with children
• comment on children’s bodies and sexual development
• seem annoyed or impatient if their time alone with kids is interrupted or observed.

Activity:
• Let your child know that you want to know if ANYONE breaks the three touching rules for private parts.
o Let them know that you will believe and listen to them even if it is someone you know and love.
• Read ‘What’s Wrong with Bottoms’ with your child and talk about how good it is that the boy told his mum about the uncle touching his bottom. “ from HELP

• For extra information check out the booklet ‘Ending Offending Together’ (linkhttp://rpe.co.nz/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/Ending_Offending_Together1.pdf )

28/01/2023

WHAT IS “CHILDHOOD TRAUMA” ❓
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

Traumatic events witnessed or experienced in childhood such as poverty, exposure to domestic violence, or divorce or separation of a parent or guardian aren’t just painful in the moment; they can cause serious mental and physical health challenges over a lifetime. 😔

27/01/2023

Via Teens & Tweens ❤️

24/01/2023

Telling that conversation in my head, that constant inner critic that I have no time for it today.

Let’s throw that all away and create a new conversation!

23/01/2023

One of the toughest things for most of us to do is to stop ourselves in our tracks before we react to our teens' sassiness, snarkiness or attitude.

But we have to remember that teenagers are notorious for displacing their frustration and anger. And, because we're their "safe zone" and they know we'll love them no matter what, we'll always get the brunt of their most "unlovable" emotions. (Take it as a compliment...)

Before we snap, react, jump in and discipline them (which, let's be honest, is certainly necessary at times when our kids cross the line), we have to ask ourselves a few questions.

Quite often, there's a reason our kids are acting out. Sure, sometimes, it's just plain hormones that are getting the best of them, but quite often, there is an underlying reason that might require a little "digging" on our part.

A mom () shared this amazing advice with me and I asked her if I could share it. It's some of the best advice I've heard.

Before you react, H.A.L.T. ❤

22/01/2023

See Fingerpainting in Psych Class for more...