15/10/2025
I wasnβt planning to write anything, but reading my old posts reminded me of who I was and who I still am beneath it all β€οΈπβ€οΈ
Iβve been going through my older posts and my K Peters Art page (the jewellery! Beautiful π), and Iβve realized how cynical Iβve become about many aspects of life. Even though I was already living with ME, it wasnβt as painful, as isolating, or as limiting as it is now. I was able to stay centred, to connect with others more, to share, heal, laugh, and grow. Though it was still took an immense effort, I could.
Over the last four or five years, Iβve been swamped with too much heartbreak. My dad died after a very difficult journey with dementia. I couldnβt get pregnant and have a family. I had to move, and it didnβt go so well. While my new home is lovely in many ways, it's cold, wet and not what I needed. My health deteriorated significantly from all these stressors and a virus. Plus, having a degenerative disorder for over 30 years is going to leave its mark!
Now, I find myself in a wheelchair, looking down the barrel of what may be a very quiet, mostly bedridden life. Itβs obviously hard for anyone to remain upbeat! Iβve never been one to lie, though Iβve twisted that βhow are youβ question into a pretzel many times. But I've never mentioned my ME to my clients.
βHow can you heal if you canβt heal yourself?β
Well, it turns out you can β because there are different reasons for illness and hardship. Not all are meant to be fought as if your life depends on it. Some are about acceptance, and helping others see that you are still whole, even when you can't be βfixed.β You don't ask an amputee to hurry up and grow their leg back. You accept and help.
Most people, even healers, struggle with that. Not intentionally, but because itβs uncomfortable to stand beside someone who continues to be unwell, especially invisibly. They think the person must not be letting go of their past, being punished for a past life, not willing to change, or not thinking positively enough β and many, many other things. Often, that does more harm than good.
Yes, many people have overcome illnesses, found incredible healing and strength through healing, and thatβs wonderful. Beautiful! Amazing! I've seen people overcome cancer, depression, change their careers, their whole lives. But healing has so many roles β it can also help a soul pass peacefully, or give someone strength and courage to endure. Itβs not just one thing. Healing is layered, multi-faceted, and here to help us grow, evolve, and accept.
I want to go forward and (a) find better pain relief, because no one can give from an empty cup and (b) let everyone know that my life is full of challenges, like everyoneβs. And while Iβm not bitter, I think I can do betterβ¦ even if itβs just for today β€οΈπβ€οΈ
So, I wanted to reach out to whomever this finds and say yes, hope may leave you at times, and life can be seriously difficult. But today, I can feel that still moment, when I connect with the earth, spirit, the universe (whatever it maybe for you), and I suddenly feel whole, blessed, at peace. Raw but here. And this is what matters, that truth of just living life the best way you can.
So, blessings to you. I hope you find your own still moments soon β¨οΈπβ€οΈ And if these words meet you in a hard place, may they remind you, youβre not alone in it πΏβ€οΈ
