02/12/2025
When someone we love dies, whether we saw it coming or not, there is a moment when the world tilts. Something inside of us goes still, almost hollow, and it takes our breath in a way we are never quite prepared for.
In the early weeks we move through a blur, sorting not only the aching tangle of our own emotions, but also the endless practical tasks that come with loss. There are papers to sign, decisions to make, arrangements to follow through on. It’s hectic and heavy and tender all at once, life demanding things from us at a time when we can barely feel our feet on the ground.
Then, almost suddenly, the noise fades. The calls that once felt constant grow quiet, and in that quiet the echoes begin, echoes of the life we shared, the memories that find us in still moments, the reality we weren’t ready to face.
More time passes, and the world keeps moving as if nothing has changed, while we try to keep up even though everything inside of us has changed. We learn how to pretend a little, how to soften our edges so others feel more comfortable with our discomfort. Most people never see how hard it really is. We don’t often show them.
Just because you can’t see our grief doesn’t mean it isn’t there. What’s invisible to others is often the heaviest part of grief.
And when the anniversary of a death comes, whether it’s the first, the fifth, or the thirtieth, we remember. We always remember. We understand that others won’t, but we still wish they did. We carry a quiet longing for someone who understands this particular ache, but grief becomes a kind of secret we rarely speak aloud.
For what it’s worth, most of us don’t mind being asked about the person we lost. Please say their name. Give us permission to tell their story. Yes, we might cry, but the tears aren’t a burden, they are a form of remembering, and remembering is a gift.
Time can blur the details, and we work harder than people know to keep those memories clear. Sometimes the smallest invitation is all we need to feel a little less alone.
xo
Gabby (griever)
www.thehospiceheart.net
