Melany Heger Author and Psychologist

Melany Heger Author and Psychologist I am a nonfiction author and a licensed psychologist in the Philippines. I offer counseling services for individuals and corporate clients.

I am a nonfiction author and licensed psychologist, dedicated to helping individuals navigate their personal journeys holistically with insight and compassion. My expertise blends yoga, acupressure, and psychotherapy. I offer individual and group counseling sessions. We can work together one-on-one, or you can contact me for corporate engagements. I also offer home visits.

Among the ethical principles in yoga, the hardest one for me to understand is brahmacharya.Decades ago, as a young and e...
23/01/2026

Among the ethical principles in yoga, the hardest one for me to understand is brahmacharya.

Decades ago, as a young and enthusiastic yoga practitioner, I first came across the term, and my knee-jerk reaction was, How odd! In yoga philosophy, brahmacharya is often translated as restraint or the right use of energy. But in Western contexts, brahmacharya is most often associated with celibacy. Something important got lost in translation.

For me, brahmacharya means orienting my life toward my Highest Self (Self in the Jungian sense). Jordan B. Peterson explains this idea well when he talks about the Noble Aim in Rule Number 7 of his book 12 Rules for Life. He defines it as: “Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient.”

My Highest Self—your best self, if that feels more accessible—is who I am when I am actively trying to leave a legacy for the community and for the people who matter dearly to me.

Aside from brahmacharya, I’ve also been thinking a lot about another yogic value: aparigraha, or non-hoarding. The holidays gave me a chance to practice intentional shopping versus bargain shopping or impulse shopping.

Yesterday, I saw a client in her forties like me, except she is battling a chronic illness and I am not. We shook our heads together in sad unison at an ugly truth: we’ve likely already lived half our lives. Time is short. Whatever we need to say or pass on to the next generation, we should probably start now. I’m grateful not to be in her medical predicament, but as a middle-aged person, I have friends dying or living on maintenance medications left and right. Time is running out.

I used to love shopping, but not intentionally. I don’t judge myself too harshly now, about this. Human beings are goal-oriented. When we shop, there is a goal—it’s like hunting. But when we spend too much time chasing shallow attainments—video games, accumulating stuff—we harm ourselves.

In moderation and with intentionality, shopping and gaming can be fine. But chasing superficial goals is not what life is about. Which brings me back to brahmacharya, the path towards the Noble Aim.

As Jordan B. Peterson writes, we all need this Nobel Aim. It’s something worth working toward, something that leaves a positive mark on the world. Will my shopping habits leave the world a better place for my children and the generations after me?

In Hindu philosophy, there is a life stage called the householder phase, where the focus is on family. After this stage, one gradually detaches from family roles and devotes more time to spiritual life—or in my case, since I am an atheist, to philosophical practice.

Coming from an Asian, family-oriented background, this framework makes sense to me. As a Chinoy, I was raised—conditioned, if you will—to finish my education, get married, then start a family, in that order. At this point in my life, the householder stage is nearing its final phase. The next stage prescribed in Hindu thought involves less focus on family obligations and a turning inward.

What has s*x (or the lack of) got to do with this?

In my clinical practice, I encounter clients who struggle with po*******hy use and ma********on to manage s*xual urges. They are fulfilling natural urges—some might call them trivial—but I don’t nix that. On the contrary.

These cases stay with me because I am uncomfortable with my own s*xuality. Truthfully, I don’t think I ever liked s*x in the first place. I’m still trying to understand my s*xuality in its totality. I know I have s*xual desires. I may even like s*x in theory, but not in lived reality.

These days, all the talk about as*xuality is invigorating. It has made me bolder in pursuing brahmacharya—where one accepted expression, or requirement if you’re law-centric, is s*xual abstinence.

I don’t think I’m as*xual in the Gen Z sense.

But You say poh-ta-to, I say poh-tay-to.

I’m more comfortable expreessing I’m am a yogi practicing brahmacharya. That makes more sense to me than labeling myself as*xual or demis*xual romantic. (Sorry na! Makunat na Gen Xer here.)

S*x is a physical drive, like hunger or thirst. But the thought of release through “doing it solo” makes me uneasy and queasy. It feels wrong to me, so I don’t do it. When s*xual urges arise, I let them pass—like a hot flash.

For my clients who struggle with ma********on, I often advise their partners to accept it if they don’t want to meet their partner’s s*xual needs—and not let that become a reason for infidelity. I’d rather encourage ma********on and moderate p**n use as a way of releasing s*xual tension.

Years ago, when I was a relatively new wife, I felt rejected when my spouse commented that he was very picky about physical appearance and implied—without saying it outright—that my thinness turned him off. Perhaps I was conditioned by my environment to believe that indulging s*xual urges was necessary to be an acceptable spouse. I no longer buy into that. I’m done with the messages telling me I must enjoy s*x. I’ve given birth to two children with my spouse. S*xual function fulfilled—tapos na ko.

Now I’m in perimenopause, and if I’m lucky, I’ll be done with the Red Curse in about five years. (Good riddance!) Along with the pads, I will chuck out s*xual obligations.
S*x is tied to life force—Freud coined the term libido from it. I’ve had many experiences in my life, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s not to deal in absolutes about what I can or cannot do. So there’s no hard line of never having s*x ever, ever, ever.

In that vein, I’ve been hitting on my husband these past weeks—not s*xually, but by expressing gratitude that he is not like my s*xually problematic clients. He shrugs me off. I try different variations of affection; he segues into his values instead. Sometimes I feel unheard, and sometimes rejected.

I confess that in this long-term relationship, I’m often starved of reassurance, affection, and soft words. But I can live with it. If this is the price, then I open my wallet and willingly pay. Distress tolerance, I tell myself, is part of marital maturity.

The yogic ethos of brahmacharya emphasizes self-restraint and faithfulness in romantic relationships. Aparigraha emphasizes moderation. Taking on both brahmacharya and aparigraha at this stage of my life feels right.

All I want is to feel safe within my family and my marriage. In midlife, we assess what is a waste of time and what we would rather give our precious energy to.
How about you—are you recognizing your holistic needs? Your body and psyche’s clamor are central to your well-being.

Blog link: https://melanyheger.com/practicing-brahmacharya-in-my-40s/

📚 Books and Being 📚✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author📖 The Other Woman by Amanda Brookfield 🌟Fran is a dome...
21/01/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 The Other Woman by Amanda Brookfield 🌟

Fran is a domestic abuse survivor of Pete, her husband of many years. At first, she seeks escape through a clandestine affair with Jack. But just as they are about to run away for good, Jack ditches her at the airport. The book’s blurb hints that Jack’s estranged wife, Amanda, had something to do with the dumping. Going into the story, I realized this wasn’t true in a direct sense.

There are women like Amanda and Fran in my therapy room. Amanda is vocal and assertive. Actually, I lean more toward being an Amanda. This side of me can balance out the version of Fran before she was ghosted (extreme version). Good for Fran though that after she was abandoned, she still found the strength to leave her abusive husband. She started a new life, reestablished her connection with her teenage gay son, Jack, and discovered what bravery can actually do. 💬

Balance lang. 📝 I’m learning this attitude now as a wife. I’ve noticed that when I stay too much in my Amanda mode, I can shut my husband down. Letting him take the lead sometimes (so he knows he’s respected) is one of my aims this year. After the testing year we had last year, especially during his job crisis (thank goodness that’s over), this feels important. 💖

My daughter just turned 13 a few weeks ago. That makes it official: I have no more babies, only teenagers. My son’s been...
19/01/2026

My daughter just turned 13 a few weeks ago. That makes it official: I have no more babies, only teenagers. My son’s been a teenager for years already. He’s taller than me and past that boy-voice-has-changed stage. Both kids are home for school break, while I myself am also on grad school break. There’s a letup in client demands, so I have a bit more time to write.

Truth is, I have lots of writing works in progress—unfinished because I am still living what I am writing. Lag time is good because—balance lang. Too much time writing is too much time navel-gazing, and that can lead a woman to go a bit nuts. Intentionally, I am pursuing a meaningful life: half of my day I see clients, attend to kids and spouse, and then I apply a light touch to essay writing.

Yesterday, what I said about normal entitlement resonated with a client. We ultimately came upon the question: Why is it so hard for me to outright say what I want to say and pursue what I want? My client nodded in full agreement. She talked about having such low self-esteem that she over-apologizes, over-justifies, and over-explains even the things she wants.

Bottom line, it’s low self-esteem, isn’t it? I could value myself more. That takes practice, patience with myself, and self-observation. But patience—waiting for my organic process to develop—takes time. In graduate school, when you observe a phenomenon without yet having a theory, you use the Grounded Theory approach: you observe first and make the rules later.

What I have observed so far about writing my next book is that I am still trying to become the person who can write it.

My writing time usually happens in the morning, when I am least busy with family needs. It includes reflecting through journaling, morning-pages style. It also includes researching and editing, which I now relish, especially with AI tools helping me through pesky grammar conundrums (Do I use past perfect tense? Future perfect? What is the correct punctuation to use here?)

I like to think of this writing process of mine as deep creative labor, as apt for a book on creative praxis as it could be. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, creative praxis means the integration of theory with lived experience. Not sure yet, but I think I’m writing a kind of manual for my therapy clients, something like a guidebook. One thing crucial here is letting the material lead, by observing where it wants to go. What a joy ride this could be!

At the core of it, I am integrating personal healing, because I am writing psychoeducation material after all—writing to heal myself and possibly helping other people while I am at it. A win-win!

My writing workflow is not linear because of the grounded theory approach mentioned earlier. You could even say it’s a bit all over the place! Life is messy and that’s the truth.

Still, there are main elements, and these are morning-pages-style journaling, where I unload thoughts freely and let associations surface, and then repeated editing. However, a big chunk is reflection—meaning-making—which spontaneously occurs throughout the day. Aside from typing on the computer, I also handwrite my thoughts in a pen-and-paper journal.

(I’m an advocate for handwriting because it engages visual and motor areas of the brain, memory and language centers, and parts of the frontal and temporal lobes. Try it to zhush up your brain connectivity. I do it too for its anti-aging properties as a woman in my 40s.)

When I take time to do what I want as a writer, it is an expression of normal entitlement. Creative work is where I stake my claim to ultimately live. When I edit, journal, research, and reflect, I communicate to the world-at-large that I respect my life and that I am worth it.

As a therapist, every day I see people with impaired emotional maturity, and one component shows up again and again: low self-esteem.

I’d like to think that, at the end of the day, by ethically taking my space and enacting normal entitlement, I teach my children priceless lessons. I want them to grow up with good EQ. This is me, Melany Heger—mom and therapist—changing the world, one household and two teenagers at a time.

Full blog here: https://melanyheger.com/working-on-my-wip-helps-my-self-esteem/

📚 Books and Being 📚✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author📖 Tidelands by Philippa GregoryThe author writes about...
16/01/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 Tidelands by Philippa Gregory

The author writes about England’s witch hunts in this book. When I checked my TBR (to-be-read) pile, I realized I already own the next book that continues this story. But for now, I’m not feeling very enthused to read the sequel.

I’ve read almost all of Philippa Gregory’s work, and while Tidelands is okay, something about it feels a bit off. The way medicine women and female healers were historically castigated is narrated in the usual Philippa manner—but the pace here is faster. There’s also a lot more preaching about women’s empowerment and socialism. Philippa used to be more subtle about her stance.

I’m hoping Dark Tides, which continues the story of Alinor Reekie and her children, is an improvement compared to Tidelands. 💬

As always, I’m happy about the progress feminism has made in women’s lives. Periodt. 💖

I used to collect objects like these to make me feel secure. Now, I have (mostly) kicked the habit, thanks to my husband...
13/01/2026

I used to collect objects like these to make me feel secure. Now, I have (mostly) kicked the habit, thanks to my husband’s job crisis. The whole rock-and-roll episode brought a boatload of lessons. It forced me to face my neediness. Hesitantly, I am becoming more comfortable with it. The experience made me see how our decades-long marriage has evolved, and how I have evolved along with it. Most of all, it revealed the psychological safety of the home I’ve built with my spouse and our kids.

This essay is also about how the experience helped me become better at emotional regulation. If you grew up with dysfunctional parenting (who doesn’t?), maybe you can relate.

The job crisis meant I had to be far more conscious about spending. A few years back, I admitted how wasteful I had been. Three years ago, I threw out a Balikbayan box of unconsumed goodies. Grocery shopping to the point of hoarding was my drug. That moment catapulted me into an intentional shopping journey, and nothing crystallizes that shift more than a real cash-flow problem we have just now surpassed.

A continuous thread running through the experience was gratitude. I noticed more of what we already have and actually use. Frugality became important because of the acute awareness that I am a non-breadwinning spouse, a hausfrau. I take accountability for not overspending.

The crisis put a hard stop on my grocery-shopping vice. So what did I do instead? I folded inward. I became more of a self-soother. This time, soothing didn’t involve material objects or the thrill of chasing them. It’s true: we don’t actually feel that good once we attain the sought-for reward. It’s the hunt that hooks us. The old me—the grocery-sale-item, Buy One Take One, imported-item hoarder—is mostly gone. In her place is Melany the Intentional Shopper. I still get hypnotized eyes at a BOGO sign, but I now ask myself one question before putting anything in the cart: Would I buy this at full price anyway?

I’m genuinely pleased with the progress. I count it as a big win, especially since I’ve been trying to fix this behavior since 2021 (kickstarted with AussieDebtFreeGirl’s Shelftember challenge). It means I’m better at not using shopping to manage my anxiety or create a sense of security.

I’ve also become more aware of my internalized voices—the guilt, the urgency, the reflex to put others first. I’m practicing kindness toward myself: patience, generosity, gentleness. As a therapist, I preach emotional attunement. This is me putting my money where my mouth is.

In psychology, externalization means using objects—or the chase for them—to soothe oneself. Internalization is the opposite: learning to soothe from the inside as a path to emotional regulation. If you struggle with mood swings, impulsiveness, or ADHD-like patterns, this is an essential skill to master. I call it functionally becoming an adult.

During the crisis, my husband was in my space all the time. I missed the private hours that used to be mine, when the kids were at school and he was at work and I was just me. More people in the house meant more unpredictability. It’s natural that when a familiar schedule disappears, anxiety levels ratchet up.

I often tell clients that self-care doesn’t always feel good—like eating vegetables or cleaning your room—but it serves your higher self. I’ve said the same about inner strengthening and tapping into the inner nurturer. For me, self-soothing meant facing anxiety directly instead of shooing it away. I now speak to myself with a kind, maternal voice, asking, “What do you need, honey?” This kind of self-mothering is something I deeply need.

One thing I’m especially grateful for is the added bonding time with my spouse. Our money-free dates turned into long walks to the nearby mall—a kilometer away—where we mostly just walked and talked. If we went inside, we bought only necessities. We liked it enough that we’ve kept it as a regular mini-date. Sayang yung steps!

I still sometimes feel put off, shut down, and rejected whenever he shrugs off my overtures for words of affection or reassurance. Any kind of syrupy sentiment, he pushes away. But when I make my overtures, my main goal is not s*xual; I want love, affection, and fuzzy words. He has rarely reassured me with words of love since we married. I am starved for it—still am.

Despite this, I’ve never looked elsewhere, never strayed. I still want the sweetness, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that this need may not be met. Even so, I am safe and secure in this marriage. Because I am bounded, I am free. (That’s an irony!)

This trial and tribulation has made me more attuned to his moods—when he’s overwhelmed or on edge—and, consequently, compassion comes more easily. The crisis clarified how big an ask our arrangement is, and for this, we take accountability and responsibility. I am the non-breadwinning spouse. He is the breadwinner. His earning role doesn’t mean I contribute less, and contribution doesn’t need to be equal. We agree that in marriage, emotional labor and time matter just as much as finances.

I think often about how statistically, husbands die before their wives. It sobers me. I see clients leaving abusive marriages and others who have left and are now deeply lonely. I’ve met women who would give anything for a steady companion. I have that. I can enjoy it while it lasts. I take till-death-do-us-part seriously.

All signs point to us staying together. When he talks about the future—retirement, investments, plans—I’m always there.

I’m editing my vision board to match the person I’m becoming: more at ease with less, with waiting, with herself. I’m still wrestling with doubts—about marriage, about being a hausfrau, about motherhood—but I feel more secure now. Seeing myself reflected clearly in my spouse’s eyes helped.

Sometimes we need another person to help us see what’s so obviously true.
In hindsight, this period of being somewhat starved was a palate cleanser.
It brings to mind the Buddhist parable of the man in the well, also called The Honey on the Branch. A man falls into a well. Below him, a tiger waits. He clings to a branch while two mice, one black and one white, gnaw at it as day and night pass.
Near his hand, honey drips from a hive. He tastes it. In savoring that sweetness, he stops panicking. His mind clears. He notices a foothold he hadn’t seen before and climbs out.

Savoring the moment while trapped is a skill. In my case, I found my foothold, and more importantly the process to find the foothold. The honey tasted sweet as well.

🌱✨

📚 Books and Being 📚✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author📖 Pantomime by Laura Lam 🌟I only bought this fantasy n...
11/01/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 Pantomime by Laura Lam 🌟

I only bought this fantasy novel because I thought the fabrications wouldn’t involve magical creatures and would be mostly grounded in the real world. The heroine of the story is an inters*x person who, in the fantasy world of Ellada, are called Kedi.
My major disappointment was the magical elements, as I really don’t like anything that isn’t planted on the ground—anything too mystical or juju.

That said, the story line itself was clean. As I suspected, the imaginary world of Ellada is based on England of yore. (Pero bakit may helicopters? 😅) The protagonists are even Lords and Ladies of yore. There are no openly LGBTQ people in Ellada either, so while reading, I strongly sensed a Pride-themed struggle running underneath the surface. 💬

As far as gender-struggle–based books go, this was perfectly executed. Anyone who has ever been misunderstood as a “freak” (in a circus freak sense) for not conforming will get it. In therapy, I meet many people who carry that same feeling of alienation. But just like Micah-Gene in this book, you will find your crowd. 💖 You may need to be brave and step out of your comfort zone first. 👉

📚 Books and Being 📚✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author ✨📖 The Dry by Jane HarperDetective Aaron Falk goes ba...
09/01/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author ✨
📖 The Dry by Jane Harper

Detective Aaron Falk goes back to his hometown in rural Australia to investigate the death of his childhood friend. A grisly murder scene unfolds: his friend, the father, allegedly killed his entire family before shooting himself. As the investigation proceeds, it uncovers Aaron’s mangled history in the town—and why he left. 💬

This was a fascinating read because crimes, and the people who commit them, always have psychological explanations. 📚 As a therapist reading this, the root cause revealed is gambling addiction—not the addict himself, who appears on the surface to be a respectable person. No less than the school principal where Luke’s (Aaron’s best friend) children, Billy and Charlotte, studied.

Gambling addiction can be treated, hopefully before it leads to things like this. ✨ Addiction warps the brain; it makes you think what is right is not right, and you end up doing immoral things just to keep getting the hit. I try not to judge. I used to be addicted to grocery-item shopping. It took effort to heal, and I am still not 100% “perfect.” 💖

So if you are rehabilitating, just like me, take it one day at a time. 👉 One day at a time. 🌟

📚 Books and Being 📚✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author ✨📖 The Lost Girls by Kate HamerAll-or-nothing thinkin...
07/01/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author ✨
📖 The Lost Girls by Kate Hamer

All-or-nothing thinking has led me to self-harm in the past, so I am scraping most of this cognitive habit off the table. 💬 Frankly, this book helped me realize how much I guilt-trip myself for reading purely for pleasure.

I thoroughly enjoyed the fast pacing of the tale, yet at the same time I observed myself holding back—my brain adamantly saying I don’t deserve the simple goodness of devouring words. 📚 All-or-nothing thinking tells me I should read only sparingly, only if I’m out of options for entertainment. All-or-nothing thinking makes me not decide to read, even when all I want is to read so I can feel good.

This year, I will not deny myself as much as I did before. 🌟 In service of that, for last Christmas 🎁 I asked my husband to let me buy the buy-1-take-1 books at my favorite bookshop, Biblio Circuit (Makati branch). 👉 To claim what I do deserve, because now I’m starting to believe I’m worth it.

After reading this book, I went back to the bookstore and found the book that preceded it by the same author, The Girl in the Red Coat. But under the banner of intentional shopping 📝, I did not buy it. It already feels moot and academic—I’ve read the concluding event in The Lost Girls, so why waste money on collecting?

Time to let go of insecurity and fear. ✨

A few days ago, a reader of my essays lambasted me for casting somebody in a bad light. Let’s call the reader Ms. Reader...
05/01/2026

A few days ago, a reader of my essays lambasted me for casting somebody in a bad light. Let’s call the reader Ms. Reader and this somebody-I-wrote-about Mr. A. I am thankful for Ms. Reader for granting me a mighty few lessons. I’m going to share my insights about this incident today.

Number one lesson learned: people skim-read. I surmise that Ms. Reader only absorbed the first two paragraphs of my thousands-of-words-long, nuanced essay and formed a TikTok summary in her head. She concluded, “She is casting Mr. A in a bad light!” And since Mr. A is her friend, she took it upon herself to inform him of my supposed sins. Good thing Mr. A is perceptive and mature enough to confront me in person. I cleared it up with him, of course, and made some edits as necessary.

Number two lesson learned: people bring into what they read aspects of themselves. Ms. Reader saw an unacceptable part of herself reflected in what she interpreted as the negative depiction of Mr. A, when all the while I was not writing about Mr. A per se. I was writing about how I experienced what Mr. A and I went through together in our close relationship.

Jungian psychology teaches that what we cannot tolerate about ourselves, we project onto other people. Ms. Reader saw her shadow in my depiction of Mr. A. What I wrote about how I coped with our shared ordeal did not flatter him, nor did it malign him—but it clearly ticked her off for reasons unfathomable. Bottom line: I must not take her censure personally. It has her fingerprints all over it, and her beliefs are none of my business. Why worry about something I have absolutely no control over?

The last and most unexpected lesson came in the form of an ego-expansion experience—what Jungian psychology calls a transcendent function. While I was struggling with this issue, my thoughts led me to a contradiction: my ego cannot accept that I am lovable and worthy, and at the same time it cannot accept that I am unlovable and unworthy.

Caught between these dualities, I drew something in my journal. And in that moment, I saw that I can experience many of my selves in, between, and fluctuating across these poles—like the Yin and Yang of the Taoist symbol. Think spectra, not binaries.

It was then then I perceived the following:

I move through these states.

I can be loved and unloved, worthy and unworthy, good enough and still having a few naughty bits. All at the same time. These possibilities do not cancel each other out. I can hold space for all its permutations, all my permutations, all of me.

At this moment, I was the Tao, a being in harmony with the natural flow of the reality.

This psyche-level experience, more than anything, is what I am grateful for. It’s the second time in my life I’ve had a non-duality experience, and again it was induced by an emotional event I processed through writing.

In the end, the incident was a gift I am profoundly grateful for. When I saw Mr. A again, I thanked him genuinely, and this gratitude extends to Ms. Reader as well.
In the end, the incident was a gift I am profoundly grateful for. When I saw Mr. A again, I thanked him genuinely, and this gratitude extends to Ms. Reader as well.

This difficult learning moment, as a writer posting in public spaces, turned out to be a stone transmuted into gold. As they say in business studies, you can always turn crises into (learning) opportunities. ✨📘🌀

📚 Books and Being 📚✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author ✨📖 Ghost Girl by Leslie Thomson✨ Thank goodness this ...
02/01/2026

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author ✨
📖 Ghost Girl by Leslie Thomson

✨ Thank goodness this book is over! 😅 I love that the words and the flow were organic and very British (kasi UK naman yung setting), pero the mystery was too damn long. If you read this, bookmark page 448. There’s a table there that explains who killed who in terms of the crime puzzle the two unofficial detectives were solving.

The part-time sleuths I’m referring to are the full-time cleaner and businesswoman Stella, and her sidekick, her employee and also a cleaner named Jack.

I used to read Nancy Drew mysteries when I was a young girl, and this crime novel reminded me of those books. Nahuli naman ni nila yung villain in the end, sorta.
What struck me the most was the double life of one of the suspects, Marianne. She started off as a person who hid a small mistake, but she carried this into her adult life and never healed. I get a lot of those IRL in my work as a therapist. 💬

So yes, go forth and heal your inner child. 💖 I can help you with that if you’re interested. But you have to be a client.

The five things I will start doing in 2026 #1  I will stop treating other people’s moods as emergencies I need to fix. I...
31/12/2025

The five things I will start doing in 2026
#1 I will stop treating other people’s moods as emergencies I need to fix. I will remind myself, again and again, that my husband and my chosen family equal safety, and that a frown or an ambiguous look in the face is not necessarily a threat. My needs to don’t cancel all others’ needs.

#2 I will keep on practicing gratitude and look at the positive aspects of thigs. When I see potential threats, breathing techniques to ground myself body. Then objectively assess my home and family safe. I’ll have faith in myself beleiveing I have the power to deal with the things that emerge out of uncertainties. Later, when my body is grounded and mind is grounded in reality not what ifs.

#3 I will begin to treat my needs as substantial, valid, and real. Actively working on my lifelong habit of being too inhibited. I will allow myself to be more spontaneous and to go with the flow. Receive more grace, to open myself to receive more gifts from others.

#4 I will interrupt less urgently and be more mindful of timing, especially with my children. I grew up with my (late) father’s sharp urgency now, and I don’t like it. So finish this cycle, ends with me. Don’t want kids in panic mode all the time, they are not on my beck and call.

#5 I will practice patience with myself as I work on my projects like WIPs. Thinking long-term, this is same approach as how I am learning emotional regulation or more practice intentional shopping. I have done this before—when I learned to mother myself the way I mothered my children—and that model works, and it is enough for now.

Address

Manila

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Melany Heger Author and Psychologist posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Share

Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Share on LinkedIn
Share on Pinterest Share on Reddit Share via Email
Share on WhatsApp Share on Instagram Share on Telegram