Melany Heger Author and Psychologist

05/11/2025

Classes for junior and senior high kids have been suspended a few weeks ago because of the onslaught of flu-like symptoms and earthquake paranoia. Because I am a mom of teens, this means more kids at home for me, and yes, less me time. So instead of doomscrolling my stress away, I’ve been going to bed early with books to read.
I approximate about two hours or so? But I wake up in the middle of the night and read more. That time is unaccounted for. Don’t you miss it, fellow 80s kid? There was a time when your heart didn’t pound because of a notification from a scammer faking your bank’s identity. But too late—your heart’s pounding, and you can’t undo it. That’s why I love being from this generation: I have the muscle memory of how it feels to ignore all the noise and tune in to myself.

The reading is serving me well because it’s incubation. It’s helping me beat my food/grocery shopping obsession. What’s more, it’s also sparked a slew of writing—and when I think and write, I feel most alive. This is where magic resides.
I’ve come to realize that I want to write another book—something like Bessel van der Kolk’s The Body Keeps the Score or Yuval Noah Harari’s Homo Deus. This is the kind of nonfiction writing I want to dedicate my life to. My first book, Stories of Pinoy Atheists, was just a start, a virgin foray into unknown territory. I got my haters and then honest feedback. Now I know a bit better: I have to steadfastly follow both my heart and my brain. Be true to myself, but also be smart about it.

I guess the classic tenet applies: know thyself. But know thy audience too.
No, I’m not a Young Adult genre writer. The people who enjoy those books aren’t my main audience either. But I’ve started an anorexia memoir—another project I’m willing to learn from and even hire a writing coach to help me along. Writing this side project shouldn’t deter me from working on my purpose-for-existing book. I can do both simultaneously. (Aren’t I a Gemini?)

For my upcoming dissertation, I’m working on Jungian archetypes and how narratives using them can help people heal. Inspired by my mentor, Dr. Imelda Villar, I’ve decided to pursue my own therapeutic method and then write about it. (Of course it’s, grounded in existing studies, theories, and working practices.)

This research, this intellectual pursuit, is—apart from my anorexia memoir—my other work in progress (WIP). From it, I envision two outcomes: a dissertation for the academic crowd, and a creative praxis book—a layman’s version I want to write in such a way that even my teenage kids will understand. What’s the use of a piece of writing if no one gets what you’re saying?

Initially, I imagined using archetype cards like tarot cards, similar to how projective tests are administered. But I realized, through these longer reading and writing periods, that I’ve already been using archetypes as an inner framework for structuring my therapy sessions. I’ll have to consult the experts at CEU Graduate School, but I’m fairly sure I’ll end up doing a Design and Development Research. Who knows? It might even be a blockbuster with the panel.

As for the creative praxis book that will grow out of it—perhaps it will make my name. Who knows? I’ll hitch my wagon to a star. Traditional publishers, here I come!
Success or not (in both counts, in both measures), I’ll be at peace with myself. No more pleasing the algorithm or letting it dictate my tides. A strong-willed woman like me deserves to have her words out there for the world to see—popular, bestselling, or not. She dares.



Blog link:

An author and therapist reflects on creative praxis, research, and healing. Finding purpose and growth in dissertation and writing life.

04/11/2025

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 “The Midnight House” by Amanda Geard

✨ Why I picked it up
The cover was enticing, and the mystery of the missing Lady (with a capital L) even more so. I’ve accidentally stumbled on several meaningful Irish channels on YouTube, so when I saw this book—set in Ireland—I saw my opportunity. Reading helps me imagine places I’ve never been to, and doing so makes me feel good. Not that I love traveling… on the contrary. ✨📚

✨ My insights
One striking thing is that the title “The Midnight House” is never actually mentioned in the book. The decaying estate is called Blackwater Hall or Ink House. When your book is being published, editors often suggest changing the title so it sells well. Noted! 💬✍️

The story centers on a Lady (an aristocrat) who fakes her death to hide her pregnancy in Dublin. Many women still face this when trying to preserve their dignity in a judgmental society. Just this week, I counseled two women in similar emotional battles: one just starting her journey, the other more seasoned. Both feel the heavy pressure to conform, both feel “less than” other women because of their situations.

In this story, the Lady is saved by the compassion of a supportive relative. 💖 If you’re a woman reading this, be that kind of friend. Judging another woman for her so-called downfall might feel delicious at first—but remember, we all fall. We fall short of others’ expectations, and sometimes, our own. 🌟

03/11/2025

📚 Books and Being 📚
✨ Book reflections from a psychologist & author
📖 Let Me Lie by Clare Mackintosh

✨ Why I picked it up
I’ve read another book by Clare Mackintosh before and loved it, so when I saw this one at my usual Biblio outlet, I bought it. Let Me Lie is a mystery about an apparent double su***de. Anna’s parents supposedly couldn’t live without each other and jumped to their deaths at Beachy Head in East Sussex. With su***de prevention being a highlighted topic this month, and my ongoing curiosity about couples with shared psychological realities, I found myself finishing this book quickly. Sarap amgbasa!

✨ My insights
Yesterday, I was counseling a woman maltreated by her spouse. It was so bad that he got into her head, and she began asking if she was the one with the wrongdoing. I do not judge the offender because some times I counsel them too. I do not judge the offender, because sometimes I counsel them too. Human beings are deeply flawed, and even in the middle of doing something abhorrent, we often believe we’re on the right path.

The mystery of the apparent double su***de in the story rested on the toxic relationship between the protagonist’s mother and father. Anna is a cycle breaker like me — and if you’re going to live up to that role, be ready to have your heart broken. The idealized versions of our parents are hard to let go of. I fully believe in the psychodynamic and humanistic therapy tradition that psychotherapy is reparenting. May I always be an adequate parental figure for the clients who need it most.

31/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
Did you know that growing up, all Stephen King books were banned in our household? No wonder — if you’re living in a house where religiosity is a top value, King’s world of evil deliciousness is definitely horrifying. 😅

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
I almost gave up reading this book because of all the gore! I persisted long enough to see some hope, especially with Clay’s son. Once you are a parent, you’d understand the ways you can cling on to hope no matter how dim. Clay hoped his son would be okay, spared from the zombie curse, but not his wife (semi-ex-wife, actually). It just shows that when push comes to shove, we can and do know where our priorities lie.

I got into the plot and followed it all the way to the end. Thank you, Stephen King, for your talent! You inspire me to keep on servicing the story, one paragraph at a time, one hour of writing at a time. 💬✨

24/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
I was impressed by Colleen’s writing in It Ends with Us. When I found Verity for sale and read the blurb at the back, I just had to see if she could pull off something completely different. Some authors, after their biggest hit, tend to sound the same. Seen one, seen them all. I wanted to test that theory. I’m not becoming a CoHo fan just yet! Though admittedly, I do become a serial reader of writers I love, like Dean Koontz, Philippa Gregory, and Tracy Chevalier.

✨ My insights
Dark and twisty! Just how I like it. I still can’t believe Colleen didn’t study literature to pull this off. It’s so psychologically layered and unnerving. Her triumph with craft and tension gives me hope that someday, I too can break through and find an acceptable level of success as a writer. But that means doing the hard work: learning more, practicing more, and getting clear about which path to take. There are many ways to write, and I’m still choosing mine.

23/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
This is another movie I missed, so I read the book instead. They say that to widen your knowledge, explore genres you don’t usually dip in—so I took the opportunity and got immersed in the world of fashion. 💄👠

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
Do you know your Myers-Briggs type? As an ENTJ–INTJ (I’m an ambivert), I don’t like art for art’s sake. I used to find fashion frivolous. But this book made me see how dressing up can be an expression of power. Miranda was so demanding with Andy—and Andy opted for the nuclear option only when her core values were already being compromised. That turning point came when she was pushed to the brink.

This month is somewhat challenging. Yeah, kind of pushing me to the brink too. It’s because I have a family issue going on, the kind that impacts your sense of security. But I trudge on and hope things will get better soon.

🌟 Like Andy, I know my rock: that inner confidence I didn’t yet have in my 20s. My unshaking sense of self and belief in my abilities will see me through this dark patch. 💖

22/10/2025

In class yesterday, I presented on Grounded Theory on behalf of my groupmates. I was thankful for the opportunity to talk about it because it’s an approach I’m considering for my PhD dissertation. I’ve been interested in doing a grounded theory study since I first encountered Charmaz’s work way back in 2019, when I was still an academic writer.

Grounded Theory is very suitable for PhD endeavors because it starts with no theory. Let’s say you observe a phenomenon—you want to know if a theory can explain what’s happening and how it works. So you study the phenomenon and build a theory from the ground up.

Charmaz’s style comes from a constructivist orientation—which means truth is understood as something built, made, and shared by people within a society. So when you’re doing a constructivist grounded theory study, you have to immerse yourself in the lives of the people whose phenomenon you want to understand.

I want to understand Chinoys more—specifically, I want to explore Chinese-Filipinos’ understanding of their psyche. As a psychologist, I’m naturally drawn to archetypes. I want to know: in Chinoys’ meaning-making of their lives, how do archetypes matter? How do they manifest? What attributes do they attach to the Hero, the Shadow, the Persona, and others?

Would a grounded theory approach help me figure this out, or is there another research design that fits better? I’ve also been considering ethnography—studying Chinoys as an ethnic group, but as a fellow Chinoy embedded in the culture myself.

Suffice it to say, I have many questions for my professors in my PhD classes. Two weeks ago, I brought up my dissertation ideas with one of them, and he asked if I was creating a framework. Framework, hmmm. That tiny word launched a search—and after some digging, I stumbled upon the phrase Design and Development Research. Fascinating!

Tonight, I’ll be meeting with the dean of the graduate school at CEU and my professor in Philosophical Perspectives in Organization. Boy, am I eager to hear his thoughts.

21/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
It’s a book by Tracy Chevalier, so why not? I read this one when I was just another stay-at-home mom, finding time to read in between breastfeeding sessions and potty training. It was such a slower time back then, before all this smartphone nonsense. 🍼📖

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
A rich dude commissions an artist to do tapestries—woven art pieces as displays in his home. What opulence! The novel is about how Nicolas, the artist, uses his muses (supposedly the daughter of a master weaver) to finish the job. Well, artists like me and him need to make a living, and because art needs inspiration, we take it where we can.

I met a musician at school last week, and he told me that creatives must master marketing, handling customers, and sales. I agree. I’m also tapping into the Chinoy part of me who wants to be economically strong and healthy. 💪 I’ve also been doing some Shadow work concerning this aspect. Recently, I’ve run into some challenges in and around this area. It has not reached catastrophic levels, but the fears can be so loud in my head.

Anyway, if you’re into slow-reveal plots and medieval European history, I recommend this book. I loved its gentle pacing. 🌸

20/10/2025

Last week I gave another talk for Mental Health Month (October). This time, I was with Global Power Corporation—a company connected with Meralco’s renewables. The office was impressive, the people were warm, and I had a blast telling my stories and sharing insights on how to reduce stress by managing our goals in life. Being an extraverted introvert (an ambivert!) really has its advantages!

I was asked one poignant question during the session: how do you differentiate between genuine self-care and fake self-care? My answer: if it serves your best self then it is deep, true care. We all have many selves. But there’s this best version of ourselves—burrowed somewhere under the psyche. If you’re familiar with your values and your personal mission vision, you’ll be friends with this aspect of yourself.

Today, I’m looking at a full schedule of clients, and I’ll be helping people practice Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT) on themselves. I’ll also be doing some essential reading to stay grounded. After that, it’s time to finish a presentation for yet another talk on Monday—this one for my PhD class.

Not exactly WIP writing material, I know, but I’m a different kind of writer—I don’t write fiction. These current activities are the living-it moments of my writing, shaping the other book I’m developing alongside my dissertation.

Now I’m on a roll because I know where I’m heading—serving my best self.
That best self also serves others. 💚

19/10/2025

Most people don’t snap into two in their lifetime. I have—twice. In both instances, I got too thin, refused to eat, went delusional. That’s rich coming from a legit, card-carrying psychotherapist.

This month saw October 10 commemorated as World Mental Health Day. I gave a corporate well-being talk and even posted about it, but I need to say more.

Your mental health matters—it’s something inside you, like hygiene you maintain. And like hygiene, everyone notices when things get nasty. But the upkeep? That’s your responsibility.

Looking back, the anorexia nervosa breakdowns I had were caused by a combo of genetics, wrong beliefs, and a lack of self-love. We can trace it all the way back to, in technical language, adverse childhood experiences. We can call it a symptom of Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. We can also call it falling into a hole. Delulu, lost, cray-cray, broken.

Whatever it was, I’m here. Resilient. I’ve bounced back like the devil incarnate—determined never to snap into two again.

So here’s the cheat code, from a therapist and a survivor:

First, exercise. What you do to your body tells your psyche how you care for yourself. Bonus points if this exercise incorporates a breathing technique. Yoga and slow jogging does it for me.

Second, maintain a good diet. I’m no nutrition expert—my checkered past speaks for itself—but there are solid resources out there. (I used to have a nutritionist.)

Third, confide in someone who truly listens and has a nurturing side. (Good luck finding that someone and keeping your end of the bargain.)

Finally, stay away from environments and people who amp up your stress levels.

Life’s just a few decades long. The money, the accolades—they’re not the agony.

That’s it, but of course, we could elaborate on all those points.

A caution on the last point: trauma is everywhere. And in this time and age it is easy to be gaslit, triggered, etc. Building emotional resilience is training. We need that too. Am working on it too! I’m not the most muscular person emotionally, but I go to the gym as often as I am able. When I get bruised, I take time to recover, but I don’t quit. I have an end in mind: Good EQ (emotional intelligence). I might not be born with it, but I can build it.

Just like our bodies, our minds adapt. It’s called neuroplasticity—and it doesn’t end until the day you and I die.

A woman in her forties like me still has a lot to learn. How about you? Tell me if my mental health tips helped today.

18/10/2025

✨ Why I picked it up
The protagonist’s name is Melanie—my namesake (almost)! I don’t, as a rule, read sci-fi, but I made an exception for this one because my husband watched the movie and I missed it. I wanted to enter into an intelligent discussion with him. 💬

✨ My insights and how the book helped me
Cordyceps—the fungus responsible for the zombie outbreak—somehow that word got lodged in my brain. Didn’t the world just experience a pandemic from something similarly mundane in nature? 🌍 It made me think about how much we take for granted the earth beneath our feet—the things that hold us steady, keep us alive.

In this story, Melanie and her teacher, Justineau, had a working routine in their “school.” It was a made-up one, meant to keep the peace. But when all hell broke loose, Melanie’s true, savage nature emerged. 🧠 We all have little monsters inside us. The question is: what awakens them?

17/10/2025

October 10th is World Mental Health Day, and I marked it by giving a mental health talk. What I noticed about myself, though, was that I treated it like just another workday. I didn’t even bother to document the effort—haha! I’m a true-blue Gen Xer who conveniently forgets social media exists. For most of us in this generation, taking pics is such a (necessary) pain. Nakakapagod din mag-flex, anoh?

After the talk, which was in the Mall of Asia Pasay area, I rushed home for a video call with a dear friend. We hadn’t talked properly in years, so getting to reconnect on this particular day felt like a gift. I treasure her, and I treasure my low-key celebration of Mental Health Day—so I showed up.

I was glad I did because the conversation with her reminded me of our twin journeys in self-actualization. We had different paths but we’re both writers and we’ve both made good enough progress considering the time lapse.

That’s how a Filipina psychologist like me spent 10.10.25.

How was your experience? 💚