18/11/2025
It took a reality check from an HR interviewer to adjust my résumé. There were mistakes about dates on it, which is a weakness. After I finally finished the latest version, I decided to write this essay about procrastination.
When my clients talk about procrastination, I always say it’s because, internally, you’re not ready for something. You’re resisting change because you haven’t yet processed something lodged deep in your unconscious. Until you articulate it, you won’t move an inch forward.
This is the story of how I resolved my own roadblock. I’m sharing it because maybe it’ll help you with whatever you’ve been dragging your heels about.
Normally, I don’t procrastinate, lifelong honor student that I am. I take pride in being a taskmaster to myself. But this time, finishing a course called Presentations: Speaking so that People Listen by Coursera, in partnership with the University of California, Irvine, took too damn long. But it turns out this deviation would serve me well.
It occurred to me that I’ve been avoiding the next step after obtaining the certificate. I took this course primarily to prepare myself to teach in higher educational institutions again. So this means that after I’m done with the course, I’d have to start the job application process. And then, maybe, redo my résumé. I observed that this is a common phenomenon with procrastination: you avoid something because it leads to another hard thing, and then, boom, you’re paralyzed.
Admittedly, I have not upped my presentation skills by using online participation enhancement methods. Because of this, I feel like I am losing out and not being an effective presenter. But the thing is, I don’t want to upgrade my methods. It is bothersome for me, and I go with the adage, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Being a Gen Xer, I like to stick with analog or less techie things as much as possible.
Coming home from my PhD class late last night, I noticed that these esteemed people, all of them teachers, still use PowerPoint presentations with simple styles. My classmates are mostly in their forties or fifties, they are my age range, with one or two outliers in their late twenties. These younger folks are the ones who use other tools. Their visuals pop too. But the young guns are the exceptions to the rule. Thinking about this, I see that it doesn’t really matter as long as the message you get across is well-researched and connects with your audience. Just like writing a book, it’s about your audience, right? And thinking big picture, your presentation goals must satisfy course objectives, right?
This reflection leads me back to why I took the Coursera presentation course: I wanted to see if my presentation skills were still up to scratch. And the why behind that? I wish to be confident enough to teach again. I wanted to allay my fear that I couldn’t do it because of my tech limitations.
Which leads us back to the topic of procrastination: what’s blocking me is internal. I’m being defensive and insecure about my abilities. Low self-esteem strikes again.
One of my clients has an oral fixation—he’s addicted to va**ng, smoking, eating, and generally just putting things inside his mouth. He doesn’t like being bored, and he’s not comfortable confronting his Big Fears. So he attends to his oral fixations for most of the hours he’s awake, thinking of what he lacks and chasing those physical hungers. That way, he doesn’t have to address the heavier demands—the ones buried inside, yearned to be forgotten. He’s stuck in his life, using his obsessions as a way not to move on.
But the way out is through. The way out is always through, never around, for him and for me.
After I took on his case, I saw what I needed to see. I thought it was the tech aspect that was blocking me, but just like Fred’s obsessions, it’s an obfuscation. I’m misleading myself.
Currently, my efforts to find a part-time teaching job are pathetic. Solidly speaking, I’m not trying hard enough. If I were my own client, I’d tell her, “Just go apply for the job already!” (Of course, I’ll skip the judgy, berating tone, because this is my client. Why am I so hyper-critical with myself?)
If cold logic prevails, I can rightly say I’m qualified to teach college kids again. Since I’ve finished my master’s and am pursuing my PhD. Also, I have my clinical experience to bank on.
What I haven’t got is recent teaching experience. The last time I taught college courses was more than a decade ago (gasp!). I wouldn’t trust me to teach my kids either. But I’ve sharpened the tools, as they say. I’m no softie. I’ve done many mental health talks in corporate settings on various topics—I don’t wilt on stage. That counts, doesn’t it?
Last October, in one of my mental health talks, I skipped all the interactive gimmicks and went straight to substance, just like I always do, and the crowd loved me. See, I really don’t have to use Mentimeter, Canva slides, or any of that confusing stuff. Hate it. Really hate it. Maybe I can live without ever using it? If I could, I would.
Another epiphany: what if I just teach in graduate school? My professor, the Dean for Graduate School, told me I’ve got enough nous for it—I just need to finish my doctorate first. Teaching in graduate school would obliterate all this tech-in-teaching business trouble. In graduate school, I don’t need to try too hard to get young people’s attention—the people there actually want to listen. And if my grand value is to impart wisdom, and theirs to receive it, then it’s in their best interest to listen. I don’t need to resort to clever antics.
Tell you what, I know what to do now after writing my reflection. I’ll just see what comes first: the undergrad or the graduate school teaching opportunity. Channeling my inner spontaneity.
For the here and now, I’ll double down on the efforts to apply to teach for school year 2026–2027. And when I do get to do face-to-face teaching, I’ll adapt as I go because of the philosophy: I’ll know what to do when I get there. Maybe my dream of having student assistants to aid me with the tech will come true. (They’re really better with it than me, these Gen Alphas.) May my resolve and confidence—no matter how shaky—prevail.
The way out is through. The way out is always through.
With procrastination, there will be superficial progress and false starts, a lot of back and forth, until you get to that moment where there’s release. You go, “Ah—that’s it, that’s what’s blocking me.” And then you launch forward with an action plan.
Reflecting on the deeper reason for my procrastination over, I breezed through the last bits of the Coursera course. An interview with an HR person picky with dates spurred me to polish my résumé. Now, it’s done. I have been released, thrust into the Unknown World of Part-time Teaching Job Application. No matter what happens, I’ll probably survive with my faith in myself intact.
Full blog here: https://melanyheger.com/why-we-procrastinate-self-doubt/
A personal reflection on procrastination and self-doubt, sparked by a résumé revision and a renewed desire for a Gen X person to teach again.
