22/04/2024
Who and what is responsible?
What is 'Responsibility'?
Responsibility is something that is morally (conforms to standards you believe are right) your job or duty to perform, it describes having the ability to respond while taking accountability for your actions.
As human beings we have a 'responsibility' to behave in a way that causes no harm or offence to ourselves or others. It can sometimes be difficult to get our thoughts, actions and behaviours right all the time, especially as what we believe is right does not always match what society tells us is right and that can cause confusion.
You are responsible for;
Your words, your behaviour, your actions, your efforts, your mistakes, your ideas, consequences of your actions.
If you have a child or vulnerable adult in your care, you are responsible for that person until they are old enough and mature enough to take responsibility for themselves.
You are not responsible for;
Other people, their words, their behaviour, their actions, their mistakes, their ideas and the consequences of their actions.
Example story;
I was having a great day, then accidentally bumped into a stranger with a shopping cart in the supermarket. I instantly took responsibility for my action and I apologised immediately.
The person I ran into took it personally and verbally vomited abuse. They walked off still shouting, announcing to anyone who would listen, “ that silly bitch rammed me with her cart and hurt my ankle.” They did not seem to accept my apology, and left the supermarket still causing a scene. They were behaving irresponsibly as their behaviour created an atmosphere, even after they left the store stayed silent.
Duty of care;
When you take on a role or circumstances happen which means you have responsibility with family, work, community it does not mean that you are responsible for their actions or behaviour. It means you have a duty to keep them safe from harm and do what you can to provide support and a safe space.
In a relationship;
Roles do not mean you become responsible for another or take on their responsibilities. Being responsible means leading by example, taking full responsibility for yourself and being accountable to each other. You have a duty of care to one another. Communication is vital for a healthy dynamic to exist. It is your duty to get informed and stay informed on all aspects of each person.
Being responsible
Always beginning with ourselves, to stay within our integrity we have to understand what matters to us. To know, regardless of the opinions of others, that we set the intention to make choices, that are responsible ones. Integrity means turning to that integral part of us, our inner guide, and paying attention to how we feel in our body.
Working out what is right.
It is not always possible to look to actions and choices of society to keep us right all the time. There has been so many things society turns away from that need space and time and discussion. Look at the sacred subject of 'death', most modern lifestyles do not talk about death or take time to truly honour the dying. S*x is something else that is sacred and rarely spoken about, yet it is something people do and a huge part of life, including how new life is created.
General knowledge is not a reliable guide nor are the opinions of others because it is all biased to what society has said is right. Society contains so much false morality. So to establish right we need to ensure we can drop our outside guides and turn to our ever present physical guide, our loyal body consort. Our head, throat, heart, stomach and ge****ls will contain sensations of unease and discomfort when something is not right.
When you feel confused
Your mind can go against what your body is telling you. This is because we are programmed by what we see, hear and experience first or second hand. There is a thing called a “human negativity bias” which reminds us of the memories which were sad, bad and dangerous. We are hard wired to want to avoid situations which may be uncomfortable. It is the minds way of keeping the body safe.
It is possible that the situation, has something about it, which activates your memory bank and you automatically try to steer clear. It is very clever because all of this is subconscious behaviour, in other words you are unaware you are doing it. It is not a conscious choice. In fact over 90% of a persons behaviour is carried out in this way.
Becoming aware
By raising awareness of yourself you can then learn to notice when you are reacting. Look at the situation responsibly and decide where the responsibility lies and take responsible for your part and let go of responsibility that is not yours. This behaviour empowers you to make conscious choices and respond in a responsible way instead of reacting irresponsibly.
Get a therapist who can support you to raise self awareness and improve your understanding of yourself and your responsibilities. Therapists are really beneficial for people who have experienced dis-functional families where boundaries were not understood or acknowledged. They can help you rewire your old patterns which prevent you from living your best life.
