22/04/2022
The only approach I work with as a psychologist is a rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT), in a foundation of which are principles of stoic philosophy.
I liked this approach because it is not pretending on magical dive to the soul, but “working dry” with obvious cognitive distortions. It’s very easy to explain how dose it work and what do I do. I can afford not to know all the sacred mysteries of the soul and the answers to all questions. Which is wonderful.
REBT more likely looks like a school of logic thinking, which does not promise ending of your search for your Mission or something like that. But suggesting very big relief in this way. It doesn't leave any doubts that you can and have to leave beliefs that are burdening you. And this is all in a very objective and demonstrative way, not in abstract meanings which are hard to interpret.
Structure of this process is very simple: in a form of active dialogue between therapist and client about some important for client event (A) determined feelings (C) which client is experiencing and would love to change them or reduce their intensity. And after determining thoughts (B) causes those feelings. Albert Ellis has adapted the stoic philosophy for modern western human and modified it to a simple model A-B-C.
The approach doesn't look for an answer where this “B” came from. What comes first, being or consciousness? You also have no need to change your religious beliefs or system of values. It answers strictly to the question you asked. “I want to change this, because I'm feeling uncomfortable"... And always behind the inability to do it yourself is some irrational thinking.
Unlike radical rationalism we do not insist that you must let go of that belief. But just gently show that if you want to change your feelings in this situation, you can question your thoughts, test them for strength… Usually if some thought doesn't give you to relax, you have to change it, either to accept if it’s impossible to change for some objective reasons.
So, the thoughts that are possible to change grow out of categoricalness regarding yourself, others or to reality. They are all about “I should”, “they should not…” etc… And even considering how toxic these thoughts are, not exactly them, but blind belief to them, dogmatism is causing painful experiences. “I should meet my love, if it won’t happen, life doesn't make any sense and better to die”....💔Listen, there is no reason to stop believing in love, waiting for it or even looking for it…And possibly for someone “I should meet my love” works well for getting in a romantic mood. But you blindly believe you are really SHOULD meet your love. On what basis can it be true that you absolutely must? Is there some special book of rules for human beings?
This is not true, you don't owe yourself, or the world, or anyone else to find your love. And the world doesn't owe it to you. It's just a desire that has become hypertrophied and now causes pain. Not all of the wishes are become true, and let’s be honest - sometime it’s a good thing. Please say, why do u think that all the wishes should come true?🧐 …etc
When dogmatics thoughts are determined from client’s discourse, they are being discussed. Checking on adequacy, test of strength. This is done until the person has no doubts that obligation regarding himself or others, or to the world is always too much. It is worth to use them only if they raise your morale. But when they are replaced on blind belief, on dogma which comes from nowhere, then suffering starts: “I must achieve success no matter what, and If I dont - Im a mere nobody”....🤯
Healthy and adaptive use of this “must achieve” could be “I’d like to achieve success” or “If I achieve success, more likely people will appreciate and respect me more”. Blindly following belief “If I don’t achieve - I’m a mere nobody”, we deprive ourselves of choice, forcibly boxing ourselves in. Because in the reality there is no such a rule as “either you are succeed, or you are mere nobody and don’t deserve love or respect”...
For sure, it’s only a small part of the practice, using in REBT, not the only principle. There are using many other forms of exercises and techniques and semantic methods… Until after insight “My feelings come after my thoughts”, won’t come the second insight “My negative feelings return because I use my dogmatic, irrational attitudes over and over again”...
And finally, during the regular practice on session and by yourself, third insight “I only get rid of negative feelings if I question those feelings again and again, challenge automatic thinking, and don’t give up if I fail along the way.”
