31/08/2024
Mode spotlight: Detached Protector
In Schema Therapy, modes are the moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses that we experience. Today, we are focusing on the Detached Protector mode.
The Detached Protector mode is a flight mode. This mode often develops in response to overwhelming experiences during childhood where feeling vulnerable or expressing emotions led to distress or rejection. When we are in this mode, we can feel disconnected, numb, detached, and on autopilot. We can feel unaware of our internal experiences and find it difficult to name or identify feelings. While this can temporarily shield us from immediate pain, it also prevents genuine connections and emotional healing, reinforcing feelings of loneliness and isolation. Sometimes, the detached protector is so automated that it feels like we have no control over it.
So what can we do instead? This coping response is often triggered by a fear of distress or vulnerability. This means our healthy adult mode needs to practice self-validation and acceptance. We need to provide ourselves with safe spaces to begin to reconnect with our feelings. This can feel scary at first so we need to be ready to soothe ourselves and be self-compassionate. Overtime we need to learn to trust ourselves and others with our vulnerability. Eventually, we will realise we can tolerate and regulate our feelings, even difficult ones. This can be a difficult mode to shift, particularly if we have been detached for a long time. This is where Schema Therapy is helpful in supporting us to reconnect with our body and the people around us.
