14/06/2023
This one’s a sneaky one. I was having a conversation with someone recently where she was exclaiming that her parents were around all the time. “They were there. They didn’t travel for work. They weren’t out late at night. They were….present.” But there’s a difference between physical presence and emotional presence. One without the other isn’t enough. And when one or both are missing, a part of you, at the minimum, is being neglected. There’s no contact with it — your emotional experience. There is no contact made with your internal world. There is no contact made with how you’re feeling, what you’re experiencing, what you’re thinking, and wishing for, and caring about, and celebrating, and needing support around. Take that in for a moment. Big breath.
Contact with Self is vital. You may have learned how to connect with yourself in the absence of getting it from others, but if you didn’t, it’s never too late.
Part of restoring this is about learning how to make contact with yourSelf. Learning how to connect, and listen, and be present. It’s about getting to know how you feel, and what your preferences are. It’s about being attended and making space for you to care about what shows up, even when others didn’t or couldn’t. To learn how to care about what you’re experiencing isn’t always easy — for some it’s confusing, new, or even a strange, peculiar feeling and inquiry.
If you’re taking baby steps with this, might you notice whether you like a particular fabric on your skin. If so, why? If not, why not? Might you take a moment to ask yourself if you’re actually enjoying the coffee you’re drinking - if so, why? If not, why not? Might you check in with yourself after a meeting or a hang out, and connect with what felt nourishing, connected, valuable, safe, kind…or not. If so, why? If not, why not?
Begin in places where there is little resistance and see what you start to learn and notice about yourself.
