14/11/2022
13.11.2022
Sitting down to meditate was, last night, a difficult task. I was tired, and as I often feel when I am tired, I was also restless and distractible. In spite of this, once I had determined to meditate, I found myself settling quickly. The breath was easy and sweet, and for a short period attention was effortless. Adequately settled, I decided to play with the seat of perception.
(The seat of perception: the point where one feels oneself is situated within the body-mind.)
I began with the position where my perception already was; a little distance away from the breath, somewhere around the region of the head and neck. From this place, I allowed the breath to come to ‘me’. The breath became subtle and delicate. It took great care to conduct my attention with likewise delicacy. This was today too difficult a task. Consciousness began to shrink, inertia was lost and I started to fall into a dull and sleepy void. I decided to swap the place of perception.
Next, I placed the seat of perception where I could feel the breath began - where there would be as little distance as possible between the breath and where I was situated. Here the breath was lively and energetic and spread quickly across consciousness, enlivening my dull sleepy-like state, like a firework light’s the dark sky. But it was unstable, and so too were my mind’s capacities. Tired and sleepy, yet never losing the breath completely, I found myself shifting back and forth between dream and reality, focus and distraction.
By the time the meditation timer bleeped, I was very ready for sleep.