CLARiE Psychotherapy

13/11/2025

Most people think resilience means bouncing back. I've learned it actually means something completely different. 🧠

For years, I thought resilience meant being hardy and bracing for impact. Never showing weakness. Always pressing on.

On good days, it felt like a character strength. When I was struggling, it felt like another exhausting facade to maintain.

Then my ex-director shared a video that changed everything.

Dr. Becky called it 'The Learning Space', that messy middle between not knowing and knowing.

"Resilience and success come from the length of time you can tolerate being in this space."

Resilience isn't about bouncing back.

It's about learning to be comfortable in the uncomfortable middle. The space of healing, growing, and grieving.

The breakthrough wasn't learning to be tougher. It was learning to love the process, even when it's painful.

Now when I'm in that messy middle, I don't rush to get out. I sit with it. I trust it.

What's one "messy middle" moment that taught you the most about yourself?

🌻 Watch Dr Becky sharing on The Learning Space
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zpR6AEKAZuc

07/11/2025

When did you stop giving yourself permission to ?

Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, you learned that joy was frivolous. That play was unproductive. That being "too much" wasn't safe.

Your inner child is still there, waiting.

Waiting for you to dance in the living room. To get messy with paint. To laugh until your stomach hurts. To feel fully alive in your own skin.

This isn't just about fun - it's about healing.

When you reconnect with your inner child, you're not just playing. You're:
✅ Healing old wounds around safety and worthiness
✅ Releasing stored trauma through movement and joy
✅ Teaching your nervous system that it's safe to feel good
✅ Breaking generational patterns of rigidity and control
✅ Modeling authentic self-expression for those around you

🎨 What You Get:

160 Permission Slips to Play - organized by what your soul needs most:

🔥 WILD & PHYSICAL (17 ways) - Dance, jump, move your body without apology
🌊 WATER & NATURE PLAY (11 ways) - Ground yourself in the sensory world
🎨 MESS & CREATION (19 ways) - Permission to be beautifully imperfect
🎭 IMAGINATION & PRETEND (11 ways) - Where your magic still lives
🎢 ADVENTURES & NEW EXPERIENCES (13 ways) - Break out of familiar patterns
🍦 FOOD & TASTE PLAY (25 ways) - Make nourishment joyful again
🤲 SENSE & BE STILL (13 ways) - Let your nervous system reset
💛 BE CONNECTED & ATTUNED (21 ways) - Heart-to-heart connection
🇸🇬 -SPECIFIC ADVENTURES (30 ways) - Rediscover your home through wonder

🎁 BONUS: "YES DAY" Challenge - Monthly practice to prioritize joy

This guide is for you if:
You feel disconnected from joy and spontaneity
You struggle to "turn off" and just be present
You want to heal childhood wounds through play
You're ready to give yourself permission to be "too much"
You want practical ways to reconnect with your authentic self

Your inner child has been waiting patiently. Isn't it time you came home to yourself?

Download now and start playing today.

https://clariepsy.gumroad.com/l/ConnectwithInnerChild

06/11/2025

"I understand the patterns, but change feels impossible."

"I know exactly what needs to change, but I can't seem to do it alone."

I kept hearing this from working mothers in my practice. They had all the insights, read all the books, understood their triggers perfectly.

But they were exhausted. Because they were doing all the emotional work.

Alone.

As an engineering-trained therapist, I could relate. I'm naturally analytical and a problem-solver, systematic in my approach. But I often felt like I was "trained to empathize" rather than naturally connecting emotionally.

My sessions were helpful and insightful - clients have told me so. But something was missing.

Insight alone isn't enough when the problem is relational.

That's when I discovered Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFCT).

EFCT became the bridge I needed, both personally and professionally. It fits my left-brain need for structure (it's systematic, research-backed) while teaching me to access deeper emotional connection (attachment-based)

Here's what's shifting in my practice:

Before: Mothers working on themselves alone (exhausting, unsustainable).
Now: Both parents showing up to heal together.

Before: Individual change that doesn't stick.
Now: Relational patterns that serve the whole family.

Before: Insight without lasting transformation.
Now: Experiential healing that happens in the session.

We look at the process between partners, not just individual pain.

We can work on ourselves endlessly, but if the relational pattern doesn't shift, we'll hit the same wall.

EFCT doesn't replace analysis. It deepens it. We identify the cycle (the systematic pattern keeping you stuck) AND create new emotional experiences right in the session.

As I deepen my EFCT training, I'm excited to be expanding my practice to work with more couples - specifically working parents navigating the exhaustion of carrying it all alone.

Parents who are stuck in:
🪢 Endless parenting disagreements
🪢 Misaligned values that create distance
🪢 Disconnection under stress
🪢 One person doing all the emotional labour work

My engineering background helps couples who wants to gain beyond insights and analysing. EFCT helps them feel their way to change together.

(Deeply grateful to Dr. Liu Ting for her passion and extensive examples during my EFCT training.)

To working parents feeling like you're carrying it all alone: What if the answer isn't trying harder by yourself, but inviting your partner into the healing process with you?

05/11/2025

🏆 What happens when the goals run out?

I spent my life chasing: Exams. Promotions. Milestones. Mastery.

Each one gave me purpose and that rush of aliveness.

But the moment I reached them? The emptiness returned.

So I set another goal. And another.

Stopping felt like failure.

As a therapist, I see this pattern in so many high-performing clients.

They don't come to sessions because they can't reach their goals. They come because they reached every goal and still feel hollow.

We're not addicted to success. We're addicted to the chase.

It's the dopamine surge, the conditioned fight response. Our nervous system wired for external validation as a proxy for safety and worth.

→ Goal achievement = success = validation
→ Worth tied directly to productivity and accolades
→ The belief: "I am not enough unless I am doing enough"

So "enough" feels like stagnation. Rest feels like failure.

A client and I started exploring what made her feel alive without any completion cycle:

💎 An afternoon to herself with no plans
💎 An unplanned moment with her child
💎 A spontaneous hug where she was receiving, not giving

We realized the most profound moments are the simplest.

Small, ordinary, unplanned, non-productive moments where nothing needed to be earned or completed. Where she felt present for the first time in years.

This shifted our focus to exploring what unstructured play actually looks like.

👧🏻 Our children are watching. This isn't just about us but the legacy we create, the cycles we break.

Are we teaching them that worth is earned through endless doing?

Or that it's inherent in simply existing?

🤔 If all your goals disappeared tomorrow, who would you be?

Not what you'd do. Who you'd BE.

Rest is radical self-trust. Play is how we reconnect with our inherent worth.

Want to put play into practice? I compiled "160 Ways to Be with Your (Inner) Child", a resource to help you connect with presence in simple, non-productive ways.

Check out the '160 Ways To Be With Your (Inner) Child' list with Singapore-specific activities here https://preview.mailerlite.io/forms/393668/169240699517010984/share

03/11/2025

🧠 "Am I just born this way, or did I learn this to survive?"

For the longest time, I thought the person I was, was just... me.

My hyper independence seemed like my biggest strength.

My inability to slow down? Just my personality.

That voice in my head saying I'm "too much" or "not enough"? They felt like character flaws I needed to fix.

Then an early client I had shared something that stopped me in my tracks:

"How much of who I am is actually me? And how much is because I learned early that being 'good' kept me safe?"

Their question made me reflect because I recognised myself in it, "Do we even have a choice in who we are?"

When I started learning about how our nervous systems adapt to keep us safe, everything shifted.

Those behaviours I'd been judging myself on, I realized, weren't flaws. They were amazing survival strategies, that our Little Professors as our young child self figured out; without any adult guidance.

My hypervigilance wasn't anxiety but my system saying "I'll keep you safe."

My independence wasn't a weakness - it was "I'll make sure you belong."

What if the very things we've been trying to "fix" about ourselves were actually proof of how incredibly adaptive and resilient we are?

Here's what I've come to understand: We're not broken. We adapted.

And the beautiful thing about our brains 🧠? They can learn new ways of being when we feel safe enough to try.

You get to ask yourself gently: "What did little me learn to do to feel safe and loved? And does grown-up me still need to do that?"

Sometimes the answer is yes, and that's okay.
Sometimes it's "maybe not so much anymore", and that's okay too.

We get to change.
We're not a prisoner of our past.
We're the author of what comes next.

✨

What would feel different in your life if you knew you were already enough, exactly as you are?

10/10/2025

🚨 Are you tired of holding back?

Imagine a life where the fear of judgment, embarrassment, or not being "good enough" no longer dictates your choices. You have important work to do, healing to complete, and a powerful self to express but the invisible chains of fear keep you playing small.

It's time to cut those chains.

The Fear-Less Mindset Challenge 💪🏻 is a highly intentional, action-oriented program designed to help you gently and effectively rewire your mindset from the ground up. Overcome the paralyzing grip of self-doubt and step into a more grounded, courageous, and authentically confident presence.

What You Will Gain:
This isn't about ignoring fear; it's about transforming your relationship with it. Through small, practical, daily tasks and breakthroughs, you will:

✔ Face Fears of Judgment and Rejection: Learn to treat social discomfort as a signal for growth, not a reason to retreat.

✔ Expand Your Confidence Through Action: Move from passive wishing to courageous, intentional daily action that proves your own capability.

✔ Strengthen Emotional Resilience: Develop the internal resources to navigate moments of self-consciousness and setbacks with grace.

✔ Cultivate Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Anchor yourself in the present and foster a supportive, non-judgmental inner dialogue.

The Power of Small, Consistent Steps

Each day, you will receive a simple, practical task accompanied by a short explanation. These tasks are easy to integrate into your busy life and are specifically designed to create discomfort, leading to lasting transformation when practiced consistently.

Expect moments of challenge, but anticipate profound breakthroughs in how you perceive yourself and your potential.

Ready to stop shrinking and start shining?

🔗 Join the Fear-Less Mindset Challenge and take the small, courageous steps that will fundamentally transform how you show up in the world.

Challenge by CLARIE Psychotherapy

07/10/2025

Release Money Shame: Somatic Meditation for Financial Healing | Clear Money Blocks

https://youtube.com/watch?v=UQWqmHgzXEA&si=mDqUPCCr-wHEKP4_

Do you feel anxious when checking your bank account? Guilty when spending money on yourself? Shame about not earning enough - or earning "too much"? Freeze w...

05/06/2025

This week, one word kept surfacing everywhere:

Choices.

To stay or to leave.
To say yes or to say no.
To lean into parenting or career, for now.

These are the quiet wrestles so many of us carry.

As a therapist and mother, I want to say this:

It's okay that you love your children AND love your work more some days.

It's okay that you feel more like yourself in flow at work than during long stretches of caregiving.

It's okay that you're not wired like other parents.

You're allowed to have a different rhythm. You're in a different season.

Here's what I wish more working parents knew:

Sometimes choosing yourself IS choosing your child.

Because the version of you that's resourced, honest, and whole? That's who your child really needs to see.

Let them watch you choose with awareness, not obligation.
Let them see you honoring your own becoming, too.

Before your next big decision, ask yourself:
"If I wasn't afraid of disappointing anyone, what would I choose?"

"Will I regret not doing this now?"

This season won't last forever. But the clarity you gain from asking what matters most to you right now, stays with you.

💭 What have you been quietly circling? Sometimes naming it out loud is the first step toward clarity.

28/05/2025

We Can’t Pour from a Cup that’s Cracked

Self-care isn’t just about bubble baths or talking a walk.

It's about sustainability: emotionally, mentally, physically.

If your cup is cracked with guilt and perfectionism, rest won’t refill it.

Repair begins by letting go of “shoulds” and listening to what actually brings you back to yourself.

Join the Waitlist for The Quiet Space - co-curated for those who are quietly overwhelmed.

Link: https://clariepsychotherapy.com/thequietspace/

21/05/2025

Mum guilt doesn’t mean that you're doing something wrong.

It’s often proof that you’re trying to be a full person in a world that expects you to disappear behind a role.

You can be a loving mother and still long for your hobbies, solo time, silence, chess, haircuts, and crochet, or anything you love.

Join the Waitlist for The Quiet Space - co-curated for those who are quietly overwhelmed.

Link: https://clariepsychotherapy.com/thequietspace/