http://www.kayatoastforthesoul.com/

Kaya Toast for the Soul, Singapore (2025)

09/11/2025

To anyone out there thinking you're behind.

You're not alone.

That was me for a long while too.

Failing out of my first year in junior college.

Doing horribly for my university entrance exams too.

Then when I got to uni, I failed three consecutive semesters before I finally found what I wanted to do.

Finally stumbling into psychology - a subject I could finally really resonate with.

But by the time I was done with my masters?

I was OLD.

Moreover, taking into consideration having to do compulsory national military in Singapore too.

And the fact that I studied and worked overseas in Australia?

By the time I got out to work..

I was so much older than my peers.

--

To tell you the truth, the inferiority complex hit me real hard.

It's never a nice feeling to feel so behind eveyrone else.

"It's okay you can go at your pace."

"You don't need to compare yourself to others."

As much as I like it how that sounds, I just couldn't internalize it back then.

You see, the truth is I was a failure.

While everyone around me seemed to be edging forward.

There I was, floundering.

Falling behind.

--

You see, the big lesson I've learned is all those quotes and all those anecdotes don't mean a single thing.

Not at least if you don't believe it yourself.

And for a long time now, I've carried this part of me.

The part that languishing in failure and shame of falling behind.

And I don't dismiss it, because to dismiss would be to neglect it.

Instead I go to it, and recognise it's pain.

And I say:

"Thank you for carrying this burden all this time. Heck it wasn't easy at all hey?"

"I don't know how you did it, it you kept going. Well done."

"Now look at where we are, not rich, not successful, but we're happy being ourselves."

"Not running any kinda race that we never would've wanted to run."

"Instead we've been doing our own thing now - and boy has it been so much fun."

And this part of me tapped into the present joy that I feel too.

Knowing it had survived.

It had done so much.

And that "behind" was a concept.

That was never meant for us.

Take care,
Hernping

:)

💙

06/11/2025

There's a funny thing that goes on when we view our day as a "bad day".

Somehow that sits uncomfortably with us.

That today is "bad".

Perhaps because it's accompanied by so called "bad" feelings too.

And in all that discomfort, we want it to change.

But sometimes try as we might.

Nothing makes it any better.

And the more we try, and the more we fail.

It feels even more and more NOT OKAY.

That today is a bad day.

And that's not okay.

--

You see, there is a saying that I like a lot

And it goes like this.

"The solution is often the problem."

What does that even mean?

--

Well, take a bad day for example

We think the bad day is the "problem".

That it is something to be solved.

But what does it mean to solve it then?

It means to somehow change whatever we are feeling into something else.

To somehow change a bad day into a good one too.

--

But here's the thing, don't you realize?

That the more you struggle with this so called problem, the worser your day becomes.

"Why can't I make today into a better one?!"

"Why don't I feel better about right now?"

And in trying solve what we think is the problem, we make the problem into an EVEN BIGGER one.

--

Because you see, feelings are meant to be something to be solved in the first place at all.

Feelings are meant for us to FEEL.

To sit with.

Yes, even the feelings you feel right now.

So, if you're having a bad day today, I hope you try this instead.

First to know that to force yourself to feel any different from what you are feeling now is to make the problem worse.

And second to know that whatever it is you're feeling right now, acknowledge that they are there right now.

You can still have a day.

And in this day, go do what you need for yourself.

Be kind to yourself.

Rest.

Eat well.

Do your favourite thing.

Or even do nothing at all.

All are okay.

Just don't do all those things to try and "make" yourself feel better.

It's okay to just have a day.

All while knowing that in you accepting today just as such.

You're giving yourself the rest you need.

And the capacity to tackle tomorrow as it comes.

Take care,
Hernping

02/11/2025

This is a post for everyone out there on your healing journey.

It's really not an easy one to have undertaken at all.

As someone myself who has been in therapy for so MANY years.

I know how hard it is to keep going and keep your head down.

--

To have to keep believing that this'll somehow work out.

Even when there are times when all your hopes are knocked down.

To somehow then have to pick yourself up again.

Even when at that point all you really want to do is give up and lie down.

--

But remember this always, that it's totally okay to take a pause.

That it's okay too when it gets to hard and you have to give up for now.

Because that just means that you're catching your breath again.

And on this long journey, it's perfectly okay to feel tired and down.

But to your out there who is still going on despite all of this.

Be it that life has been relentless in terms of setbacks.

Or even if the people who are meant to be on this journey with you have you let down.

I honour you.

You, the person who keeps going on.

Putting on those metaphorical shoes again and again, and still not giving up.

And I hope that you be rewarded for all this that you do.

Tired, fearful, but yet you kept going.

You deserve for things to get better.

For all these steps that you've took.

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. I went out tonight for a run to unwind, but quickly realized I was too tired from what has been a long week. So I stopped running, and just started walking. And while I know I'm not getting the exercise I initially wanted, I'm glad I slowed down - just to make time for myself, so I can keep going.

26/10/2025

I used to think that I was broken.

That there was this broken part of me that could never be fixed.

What did it feel like? It felt like an empty hole.

Just that this empty hole was so much bigger than me.

--

For a long time in my life now.

This emptiness was such a big part of me.

So much so that I reckon I resonated so much with it.

That this brokenness just became my sense of identity.

And along with my brokenness I would do broken things.

Like chase away people who wanted to get close to me.

Because I wouldn't want them to spread this brokenness to them.

Nor do I want them to see this broken side of me.

--

But being an empty broken human being.

Is something that I think no one should be.

Endeavoring sadness, pain and anguish all our own.

Isolated in an inescapable world was just to much for me.

--

So to tell you the truth, I did many stupid things.

Though at that time I wouldn't call it at stupid at all.

Cause the suffering was too much, in a world that was so dark.

The only escape felt like to flee, to flee.

--

Somehow I survived.

Somehow I'm still here.

This pain still very much a part of me.

But I do I experience this dark empty pain still you ask?

No longer, you see it has transformed inside of me.

--

Once broken, now whole again.

You see, I've found so many other parts of me.

And perhaps the biggest change was that what was once broken.

Has now become the proudest part of me :)

Take care,
Hernping

P. S. Some people ask if I still identify with having borderline pd and my answer now is probably not so much anymore. But know this again, that it's not that it's gone or that I've forgotten.

It's more so that it's not playing a different role inside of me.

💙

Transforming pain into purpose.

Let's keep going.

19/10/2025

And if you're still stuck in a dark place right now, know that that's okay too.

Don't punish yourself for what's already a hard enough time for you.

Instead, I hope you sit with it.

Stay with it.

Whatever it is that you're feeling right now inside of you.

Noticing what this part of you wants you to feel right now too.

Because that's what feelings are.

They are all messages coming from deep inside of you.

Feelings aren't meant to punish us.

But show us the way forward.

In terms of what we need.

And what matters to us.

So we can move into the life that we've always wanted to.

--

Don't give up okay?

Stay.

You got this.

Go slow, go easy on yourself.

Don't rush yourself to feel better because that simply doesn't work too.

Go slow, go deep if you can.

But only if you can.

Feel.

Don't just try to chase those feelings away.

Feel, so you get to know all these parts of you too.

Take care,
Hernping

🌳🌳🌳

P. S. I'm grateful for a day of deep inner rest and peace. Spending some time amongst the trees and slowing down so I can regain my energy too. Grateful for all the people around me as well. That keeps me going, so from deep in my heart. Thank you :)

P. S. 2. Soba is so cute too.

Okay bye!

25/09/2025

You know what's really rewarding for me personally as a therapist?

It's seeing couples go from being in a state of perpetual conflict and fighting.

To learning to listen and trust in each other again.

--

What an underrated thing it is - the ability to listen in to another person's heart.

Yet this small little thing can be so powerful yet.

Because when someone is hurt, the last thing they need is a lecture.

Nor an excuse for why the hurt was caused.

Nor a reason or rationale why they shouldn't be feeling hurt in the first place.

They need their hurt to be heard.

And seen and acknowledged.

--

And while this is seemingly an easy thing to do on paper..

It really isn't.

Why?

Because our own hurt often gets in the way.

Because usually it's not just one person feeling hurt, but two people feeling hurt all at the same time.

And this can also happen even if we weren't hurt in the first place.

For the very idea that we didn't do anything wrong but somehow we "caused"them to feel this way feels hurtful to us in the first place.

And especially so if it wasn't our intention.

--

So what can we try to do then?

Let's learn to hear out each other's hurt.

Even if it wasn't our intention.

For if we truly care, let's approach hurt with Curiousity.

Simply wanting to understand instead of defend.

"Can you share with me what it was that was hurtful for you?"

If possible, sharing if our hurt without dismissing theirs.

"I hear you on this, would you be okay if I shared how I feel too?"

Asking what they need from us.

"I don't want you to feel sad anymore, what can I do to make things better?"

And sharing what we need from them too.

"Can you appreciate me for being here?"

That's as a good start as any.

Taking turns to listen.

To hear what's needs to happen to repair.

Then taking the time to appreciate this act of repair in itself.

And again and again, this builds trust in each other.

Two people, that both genuinely care.

You've got this,
Hernping

🫂

P. S. Send this to someone you care about, with the words below:

"Hey I'm here, I care."

13/09/2025

Yes this is love too.

--

You see, there's a common misperception that love needs to happy, cheerful and giving all the time.

I guess that's because we commonly associate love with being happy.

With the feeling of being connected.

The feeling of warmth and gentleness.

The feeling of being there for one another.

To take away suffering.

--

Then again, life can be such a complex thing can't it?

So filled with challenges, old ones and new.

Wins may come, but so will setbacks too.

So full of disappointments, this life can be - whether it's me or you.

--

There's this wonderful couple I've been seeing for a while now.

Going through something just like the above.

Life being difficult for a while now for them too.

--

And I tell you what I truly see in them?

Love, absolute love.

Despite the times when they are down.

Despite the challenges they face whether individually or as a team of two.

Despite the conflicts or even arguments from time to time too.

Because I see the commitment they have to each other.

True acceptance too.

Love - being to take on the responsibility for each other's hearts.

Through good times and bad, happy and sad.

To take turns to speak and listen, two people truly caring for each other.

This is what love really is :)

Dedicates to D and S - you've got this.

With love,
Hernping

P. S. Dedicated to wifey too - you the best

😬

11/09/2025

"But what if they leave me?"

Someone said to me just yesterday.

And I think that's a very valid feeling as well.

The fear of abandonment.

The fear that if I upset or disappointed them that they too wouldn't stay.

But then again if that's you, let me ask you this as well.

Is your friendship predicated on the basis of you always saying "yes" and never saying "no"?

Then is that really a genuine friendship that you have at all?

---

Don't get me wrong okay?

Because when we really love someone we try to meet their needs as best as we can.

But that doesn't mean that in the process of doing so, that we just sacrifice all our needs as well.

That just makes for really one-sided relationship.

One person taking and the other just giving instead.

But that doesn't mean that relationships should be transactional too.

Because to strive for absolute fairness and reciprocity is a recipe for hell.

--

So, what makes for a healthy love then?

Well, a healthy love is one where we first understand that it's made of two people.

Two people with sometimes similar needs from each other, but often differing needs and boundaries as well.

For what is love but taking responsibility for another person's heart?

Not just you taking care of them, but allowing them to take care of yours as well.

Where we may not always see eye to eye, but still have the space for our needs to be known.

And our boundaries to be respected by them.

Because that's how a good foundation for love gets set.

A space to ask for what you deserve - and what your heart requires as well.

Take care :)
Hernping

P. S. Dedicated to SA / elmo for the inspiration for this post

Let's keep going okay :)

Kaya Toast for the Soul

09/11/2025

06/11/2025

02/11/2025

26/10/2025

19/10/2025

25/09/2025

13/09/2025

11/09/2025

Address

Website

Alerts

Contact The Practice

Shortcuts

Featured

Share

Category