30/10/2025
The Need to Be Seen: Why We Announce Our Absence.. A Performative Presence and the Fear of Invisibility
In a world where silence feels like erasure, even our absence becomes a statement of existence.
In an age where visibility is mistaken for vitality, people have developed a curious compulsion — the need to announce their absence.
A simple coffee invitation illustrates the point. The host asks, “Who’s coming?”and half the replies read, Sorry, can’t make it. These responses add nothing practical, yet they satisfy something deeply psychological: the assurance of continued existence within the social field.
At its core, this is not about politeness; it’s about presence maintenance.
To remain unseen feels perilously close to being forgotten, and the human brain — still wired for tribal survival — interprets invisibility as exclusion.
A quick “sorry, can’t join” becomes a digital echo that says, I’m still part of the circle.
This same reflex manifests everywhere online. People post inspirational quotes, moral declarations, or fragments of borrowed wisdom — not always to inspire others, but to attach themselves to the identity implied by the post. Sharing a quote about resilience becomes a way of saying, I, too, am resilient. A post about kindness implies, I am kind. Through words and imagery, they attempt to own the philosophy rather than pursuing the necessary skill of developing the inner authenticity required to embody it.
What drives this behaviour is the quiet fear of perceptual invisibility—the sense that if one is not continually represented in the public narrative, one ceases to exist within it.
The self becomes a brand whose market value depends on constant exposure… to go unseen is to risk psychological erasure.
From a therapeutic perspective, this is not vanity; it is insecurity masquerading as engagement. The mind—an integral but separate aspect of who we think we are—seeks reassurance that it still matters… that it still registers in the eyes of others. Each declaration, each public gesture, becomes a small dose of existential confirmation.
Perhaps the healthier counter-movement is toward silent authenticity:
allowing our actions, not our announcements, to reveal who we are.
In doing so, presence becomes organic rather than performative and belonging arises not from being seen, but from being real.
At the heart of every performative act lies the quiet hope of being noticed.
© 2025 Thom Bush | Hypno-Psychotherapist, Trans4mational Therapy—All rights reserved.
