07/11/2021
You have arrived.
A message for Insecure Overachievers.
Over the years, I have counseled a significant number of insecure overachievers. The emphasis regarding their personality traits should be on the overachieving element. Yet, these charismatic, successful and often caring individuals are tormented by tremendous insecurity. They are governed by the certainty that they are not doing well enough. They find themselves tossing and turning in the wee hours in their bed experiencing excessive anxiety about their performance and making unfounded comparisons with their peers; finding themselves consistently at the losing end.
Modern societies as well as our family environments have conditioned us to perpetually strive for more. We are indoctrinated to equate ourselves with well oiled machines, programmed to produce perfect results. We are advised to rest enough in order to go back to the “boxing ring” and fight for greater, bigger outcomes. Pleasure, entertainment and relaxation are placed on the bottom of priority list by parents, teachers, and societal guidelines.
The product of the aforementioned process are emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted people. Although, they are achieving significantly more than the majority of their peers, the training they received as individuals doesn’t allow them to celebrate themselves and their successes. Their contribution on a familial, professional and societal level is minimised and downplayed primarily by themselves. Feelings of guilt and emotional unrest arise when they need to take a break or create space in their lives for sheer enjoyment. Insecure overachievers often start worrying about work projects whilst lying on a beach in Bali or when hiking at Grand Canyon National Park. There is no space for pleasure in the life of an insecure overachiever.
When the cycle of overworking, over-worrying and over-exerting their physical bodies takes a lot on them, then they might resort to substances such as alcohol, elicit substances, and food in order to numb their overactive mind. However, such activities will only offer momentary relief and escape from their painful reality. The next day, they will have to get back in the “boxing ring” but their body and brain will have less energy due to the unhealthy consumption of substances. The lower energy will lead to feelings of depression, anxiety and more self- doubt. By now, they feel trapped on the hamster wheel unable to get off.
There is a solution. You need to realise that you have arrived! At any given moment in your life’s journey you have arrived. You have made it. There can be more if you want. Yet, take time and take stock of everything you are and all you have accomplished. Cherish all the times you failed as the lessons from the failures have become the building blocks for your successes. There is no success without failure. There is no life without rejection. Believe that life is happening for you not to you. All your experiences good and bad are preparing you for the next chapter. You are waiving the fabric of your magnificent life.
Imagine you are climbing Mount Everest. You are waking up before the crack of dawn every day and you hike for hours with the permission of harsh weather conditions. After a hard day’s work, you camp, eat and rest. Camping has many meanings and functions. You need to restore your energy for the next day’s climb but you should also take stock of your accomplishments thus far. At the camp you should be able to enjoy the view and absorb the fact that you have made it to that altitude. You have arrived. Create a benchmark of your accomplishment and allow it to inform your life experience. Connect with the fact that no one can take this away from you; no one apart from you. If you allow fear and self doubt to take over, your achievements will once more be diminished and you will project yourself back at square one without an anchor informing who you are and all you are capable of.
Life should feel effortless and ever-flowing. Create the life you desire not the life you have been taught to have. You will be more effective and happier once you realise how well you are doing already. That’s the ideal place to create your dream life.
