11/18/2025
"So, I had to tell a stranger that our daughter was stillborn yesterday. She was performing an investigative scan where it was relevant information, so I told her. She then said, "you know, sometimes these things are for the best”.
I stared forward… swallowed behind my mask and said “yeah…”
For... The... Best... What?
I can’t shake the feeling that other people who don’t know what happened to Billie might think this, so here goes...
Firstly, I presume that this woman thinks any baby who dies before birth has something “wrong with it” and the “for the best” is referring to a child being saved from a difficult life. I understand where it’s coming from but firstly that’s a wildly untrue assumption and even if something was wrong with Billie….. NEVER say that to a parent who has lost a child. It’s just not that simple and is a horrible thing to say no matter what.
Billie –
Billie was perfect. The whole pregnancy. Perfect.
We had an autopsy after she was born and she was p.e.r.f.e.c.t.
Post mortem studies of her placenta found that Billie’s placenta had a blood clot which haemorrhaged and her blood supply from me was interrupted. Her death was sudden, unexpected and the best doctors in the state still aren’t entirely sure why she died. Her death was not for the best. In fact, it’s ripped our world apart and removed a little human from this earth who would have been a bloody legend.
It was a tragedy where a little girl who was likely to be a perfectly healthy baby and grow up to live a healthy, happy, meaningful life, died unexpectedly before she got a chance to take her first breath.
Placental problems are among the most common causes of stillbirth - alongside infection, problems with Mum’s health and INTERESTING FACT, in up to 1/3 of stillbirths the quality of care provided is a contributing factor.
NEVER say that it's for the best...
And when it comes to babies who may have passed away due to having some problems - saying those words - “maybe it was for the best” puts them in a position of being forced to agree with you that their baby dying was a good thing. Just don’t.
Don’t tell, ASK. The parent you’re speaking to is the expert on their circumstances, not you. Ask them about their baby. Say you can’t imagine what they are going through. If they want to tell you what happened - listen. Don’t assume anything.
Young women have stillborn babies.
Healthy women have stillborn babies.
Stillborn babies are often perfectly healthy babies who tragically died due to external factors.
“I’m so sorry, this is so unfair”.
“What’s their name?”
“I really hope you get some answers”
Try that instead...
This story comes from Mel, Mumma to beautiful Billie, who was born so perfect but still. Thank you Mel for your support as not only a Still Aware volunteer, but for having the courage to share your story with Billie with our community. We will remember Billie alongside you always. ❤🦋
