10/19/2025
Good information!
When Grief Shows Up as Anger
Grief doesn’t always look like sadness or tears. Sometimes, it comes out as frustration, irritability, or even anger. This happens because anger often feels safer than the deep vulnerability of loss. It’s the brain’s way of protecting us from pain that feels too big to handle all at once.
For adults and children alike, anger can be a mask for heartbreak, confusion, or fear. When we yell, withdraw, or feel on edge, it might actually be grief asking to be felt. Recognizing this connection helps us respond with compassion rather than guilt or shame.
Healthy coping begins with noticing—pausing to ask ourselves, “What’s underneath this anger?” Naming the emotion (“I’m angry because I miss them,” or “I’m angry because this feels unfair”) helps diffuse the intensity and brings clarity.
We can model this for our children by showing them what it looks like to process difficult emotions safely. Instead of hiding anger, we can express it in words, take deep breaths, journal, or go for a walk. We can say things like, “I’m feeling angry right now because I’m really sad. I’m going to take a minute to calm down.”
When children see us name and manage our emotions with gentleness, they learn that anger isn’t something to fear—it’s something to understand. Through this, grief becomes not just something to survive, but something we can move through together with love and empathy.
therapist
