Abby Sheneman, PsyD, LCSW

02/21/2026

02/21/2026

02/21/2026

Defensiveness kills productive conversation because it turns conflict into a battle where both people are trying to protect themselves instead of understand each other. Here's what defensive versus open thinking looks like during disagreements.

Defensive thinks I need to prove I'm right so they know I'm not the bad guy. Open thinks we can both be right about our own experiences.

Defensive believes if I admit fault, they'll use it against me later. Open knows admitting fault shows strength, not weakness.

Defensive interprets their criticism as they don't love me anymore. Open understands feedback is about behavior, not my worth as a person. Defensive thinks I have to explain every detail so they understand my side. Open recognizes they already heard me, explaining more won't help right now.

Defensive believes apologizing means I lose and they win. Open knows apologizing is about repair, not winning or losing.

When you can shift from defensive to open thinking, conflict stops being a threat and starts being information about what needs to change.

02/21/2026

♥️💜🖤

02/21/2026

Validation is not saying “you’re correct.” Validation is saying “your inner experience makes sense.”

02/21/2026

02/21/2026

Not all boundaries are healthy. Some protect you while allowing connection. Others either let everyone in or keep everyone out. Here's how to tell the difference.

Loose boundaries make it hard to say no even when you want to. You overshare personal information early on. You chronically fix, help, or rescue others. You depend on others' opinions to feel okay. You're easily manipulated or taken advantage of. You struggle to express your own needs and wants. You say yes out of guilt or fear of disappointing people. You feel responsible for other people's emotions.

Rigid boundaries create radical rules with little room for flexibility. You're fiercely private and protective of personal information. You have difficulty asking for help or showing vulnerability. You keep others at a distance to avoid rejection. You avoid intimacy and close relationships. You struggle to trust even safe, consistent people. You use walls instead of boundaries to feel protected. You disguise emotional unavailability as independence.

Healthy boundaries give you a clear sense of what's yours to carry and what isn't. You can say no without excessive guilt or explanation. You're assertive in a balanced and considerate way. You're flexible without losing your sense of self. You share personal information appropriately. You're comfortable asking for help when needed. You respect others' limits and expect the same in return. Your boundaries come from values, not fear or anger.

02/21/2026

🫀 It's !

Your heart health and mental health are connected. Stress, anxiety, and depression impact cardiovascular risk. Know your numbers. Move your body. Manage stress and seek support.

02/18/2026

Reacting and responding might look similar on the surface, but they create completely different outcomes in your relationship. One escalates conflict, the other creates space for resolution.

Reacting is saying the first thing that comes to mind. Responding is pausing before you speak. Reacting is letting your emotions take over. Responding is feeling your emotions without being controlled by them.

Reacting is trying to win. Responding is trying to understand. Reacting is raising your voice to be heard. Responding is lowering your voice to be listened to.

Reacting is shutting down and walking away. Responding is saying I need a minute but I'll come back. Reacting is defending yourself. Responding is hearing your partner out first.

Reacting pushes your partner away. Responding pulls them closer. Reacting protects your ego. Responding protects your relationship.

Learning to respond instead of react is one of the most powerful relationship skills you can develop.

02/15/2026

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. They're the ones who know how to repair after things get heated. Real repair requires specific actions, not just time passing and pretending everything's fine.

Both people take ownership for their part without keeping score of who was worse. You acknowledge the harm caused even if the intention wasn't to hurt. You discuss what triggered the escalation and how to handle it differently next time.

You validate each other's feelings without dismissing or minimizing the experience. You reconnect physically and emotionally instead of just moving on and pretending it's fine. You follow through on commitments made during repair instead of just saying what sounds good in the moment.

You rebuild safety through consistent actions over time, not just one conversation. And you use the conflict as information about patterns to change, not proof the relationship is doomed.

Repair isn't about never messing up. It's about having a process for coming back together stronger after you inevitably do.