08/21/2021
Words matter.
Have you heard that a baby is “just lazy” if they aren’t feeding well?
Babies are born to feed. It is crucial to their survival and barring any physical causes, they are going to feed well.
Often I hear from parents that they were told their baby is just a “lazy feeder” and that’s why they have a poor latch or aren’t gaining well. We’re talking just a few days or weeks old and this baby already has a character flaw. While there are some babies that really are just very laid back, even the baby with the most laid back temperament is going to want to be fed as their very life depends on it. Unless feeding interferes with another vital function, such as breathing (a baby will always prioritize breathing over feeding) or requires them to expend more energy than they can take in (as may be the case with a heart condition) or causes them pain and fatigue (such as can happen with a tongue tie), a baby is going to feed. Suckling is comforting, feeding is essential for growth and survival, hydration is essential, skin-to-skin is crucial for brain development… no baby is going to just not feed because of their temperament or character trait. https://bit.ly/300FPrL
Besides, they’re a baby, have they even had time to develop a character flaw?
Behavior is communication from day one. A baby that won’t feed is communicating something with that behavior that they lack the ability to communicate in any other way. It could be a number of things from oral tethers such as tongue tie leading to pain and exhaustion, small mouth and large ni**le relationship making them tired, latch difficulties causing fatigue, acid reflux causing them pain and difficulty breathing, high palate making it difficult to maintain suction, low muscle tone causing them to choke, muscle tension limiting mobility, respiratory issues that require them to conserve energy, sensory struggles overwhelming their system, metabolic disorder so they don’t even have the energy to fed well, and others.
Babies aren’t lazy. They’re efficient. A baby that isn’t feeding well is communicating that something else is interfering with feeding. Something that may need to be addressed.
My “lazy nurser” actually had two holes in her heart. Thankfully we caught it early but it was only after I had already been told she was just lazy at the breast, she had pretty serious jaundice, her weight loss was significant, and she was clearly unwell. She wasn’t lazy, she was prioritizing conserving her energy as it took more energy to feed than to sleep. My next “lazy nurser” had muscle tension and tongue and lip tie that required a revision and some body work. She couldn’t get the calories in she needed so she too opted to conserve her energy and sleep. With both of these babies, addressing the underlying issue took time and the support of an experienced professional (or several) for breastfeeding to improve. Neither of them are lazy- as I write this the now 10 year old who was born with 2 holes in her heart is making not one, but two pies, is an excellent student, a dynamic soccer player, and an active big sister. Definitely not lazy. Now that we've addressed the issues that were making feeding difficult for her, the baby is an active participant in her feeding without any indication of being lazy.
Assigning character traits to our babies early on can shape how we see them as they get older. If we believe our babies are “just lazy” or impatient or difficult or angry will we carry that negative impression of their character when they are 4 years old? Ten? Fourteen?
Behavior is communication. Let’s stop calling infants lazy or any other unpleasant trait as though they have a character flaw and instead work to understand what their behavior may be communicating.
Not sure what your nursling’s behavior may be communicating? We’re happy to help troubleshoot! Let us know what is going on if you’d like feedback.
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Image description:
Simple drawing style of five people featuring different baby feeding options including direct breastfeeding, breastfeeding with an at the breast supplemental system, tube feeding, bottle feeding, and breastmilk pumping.
Around them is the text:
Behavior is Communication
Babies aren’t lazy, they are efficient
Babies that seem to be "lazy feeders" don’t have a character flaw but may have feeding challenges that require them to conserve
their energy or avoid pain. This isn’t lazy, it is efficient.
Low muscle tone
Respiratory difficulties
Tongue tie
Tension
High palate
Sensory
Overload
Cardio issues
Metabolic
Disorder
If a baby doesn’t want to feed, look for a cause, not a character flaw.
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