04/15/2026
Knowing how the nervous system works is the key to understanding tantrums, whining, aggression, pouting and so many other behaviours that are labeled as “bad” or “rude.”
I know, it seems like life would be much easier if our kids could just… ya know… be happy and compliant, most of the time. We all just want a simple answer as to how to stop our child from doing these things but… usually, we don’t even understand why they are doing it. I’m not talking about the “reason” (which is also important)…. I’m talking about what’s happening inside their body that causes those reactions.
Attachment, brain development and the nervous system all play a part in the dysregulation we see in our child. Often there are other factors too but these are the aspects that impact all children. Remember that a healthy nervous system still experiences dysregulation. A mature and healthy nervous system is flexible. Our goal should be to have a flexible nervous system, not so much a regulated one.
Throughout my healing journey I have spent countless hours, days and months thinking, reading and writing about nervous system regulation. It started by trying to understand co-regulation.
What I initially believed, was that the goal was to have a nervous system that was regulated most of time. What I discovered was the goal is actually to have a flexible nervous system, because our nervous system is meant to fluctuate. Having autonomic awareness allows us to build our nervous system flexibility and emotional intelligence.
Also, co-regulation is one of the best ways to build nervous system flexibility. So if a child receives lots of opportunities for co-regulation from a young age, they are more likely to have nervous system flexibility, throughout their lives. Whereas, if we did not experience effective co-regulation, from birth, we may find we have to teach ourselves those skills later in life.
Understand your nervous system and your child’s with the Emotionally Overwhelmed Workshop Series.
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