That Clay Couple

11/10/2025

I sat with a couple in counseling who believed they were thorough about learning each other before marriage. Each had a checklist.
Each checked every box.
They thought that meant love would be easy. They thought it meant they’d agree on parenting, get along with each other’s families, and listen when a boundary was set.

They were wrong. They married the list, not the person.

A checklist can’t teach you how to be emotionally safe with someone. It can’t show you how they act when they’re wrong.

Before you marry someone, find out what they do when they’re wrong. Not what would you do, but what have you done.
This answer will tell you more than any checklist ever could. -Auntie Ny

11/03/2025

Which one sits with you the most? List three ways you show care when you feel safe.
Then, list three ways you act when you feel triggered. Your next step in growth is closing the gap between the two.

11/01/2025

When you feel left out or hurt because someone hasn’t reached out, pause before you react.

Use these three grounding questions:
1. What story am I telling myself right now?
2. What else could be true?
3. What do I actually need in this moment? Connection? Reassurance? Rest?

Your pause gives you room to settle before resentment takes root. It keeps you from building a whole narrative, full of assumptions, off of an unanswered call. -Auntie Ny

10/28/2025

Jealousy doesn’t always speak loud, but you can feel it before it’s named. It’s a quiet tension that tells you somebody’s spirit ain’t clapping for you like their mouth is.
When you sense that shift in a room, you don’t owe it fear or reaction.
You owe yourself grounding.
You owe your peace protection. You owe your spirit stillness. Drop “Truth” in the comments if you relate.- Auntie Ny

10/26/2025

Your thoughts are loud because no one taught you how to quiet them. I take insurance in NC. Book your session and learn how. Send a message.

10/24/2025

10/23/2025

What “turning toward” looks like in real life:

When your partner:
• sighs
• shares a small story
• mentions something random
• looks at you for reaction
• touches your arm
• laughs at something

Those are micro-moments you should not miss. So often folks do. Each time is a moment of missed connection. Your person is reaching for closeness, reassurance, attention, or acknowledgment. Turning toward can sound like:

• “Tell me more.”
• “I hear you.”
• “You okay?”
• “I want to understand.”
• “Come sit by me.”

Are you missing this? Have you been feeling alone while IN a relationship? Couples counseling is an option. Send a message.
It’s the little things that keep relationships alive. Ignoring them slowly dries the relationship out. -Auntie Ny

10/22/2025

Looking for rationality in a high-conflict personality is like looking for water in a desert. You’ll be wasting precious time.

10/17/2025

Y’all saw the woman in the wedding dress. Crying. Drinking. Broken after finding out he cheated. Folks have had much to say.
I know crashing out can look like this when the body can’t hold the assault or betrayal anymore.

Don’t get it spiritually twisted. Muslims break. Christians break. Agnostics break. Some do it 2 or 3 times. Over the same thing. The difference is, most do it behind closed doors.

Then, there’s the other side.
The quiet peace that comes when you stop caring, stop performing, and stop trying to be okay. You show up as who you are as best you can.
That’s freedom right there -Auntie Ny