03/05/2026
Many of us have had reactions that we recognize as being much bigger than the situation calls for. Sometimes, those reactions are tied to something painful that happened years ago. Often, they are part of family conditioning that we took in without even realizing it. For couples in particular, the problem is that our partner is usually responding to the present moment, while our nervous system is reacting to the past.
This is where I like to do a quick emotional reset.
The next time you feel triggered, pause and write this down: This moment reminds me of ______.
Be honest with yourself. Maybe it reminds you of being criticized or ignored as a child. Or, maybe it reminds you of a time you felt out of control.
Then rewrite the narrative: This is not that moment. I am safe now because ______.
This reframing is a way of telling your body and your brain that the present is different from the past.
Instead of defending yourself or escalating the argument with your partner, I encourage you to invite them into your inner world. This allows them to understand the context they’re missing when you shut them out. And together, you can interrupt the cycle of reactivity instead of repeating it.
