08/16/2025
A note on shame:
Unaddressed shame can be lethal and I don’t mean by su***de although of course that is a real concern for some. I’m referring to the behaviors someone has to engage in and the stories one has to tell to keep shame at bay. Whether you find yourself avoiding friends, your doctors, time without screens or substances, or the truth, shame will trigger behaviors that unravel the central thread of your life. Shame associated behaviors will sometimes kill your body, but they almost always kill the parts of you that make you feel like yourself. What I find particularly sad is that if you’re really good at masking, you will go on about your daily life and no one will realize you died. It’s never useful to obey shame or believe the harsh criticisms that creep up in your moments of solitude, but it is useful to listen to what shame is telling you about what you need to face in order to love yourself again. Even if you don’t remember self love, you definitely didn’t enter this world with self loathing. For those who have done the deep dark shadow work and released attachments and bared your soul, you are not exempt. You will be called to confront yourself again and you probably won’t want to because you did the hard work and you thought you were done and my god you are so so tired. It’s okay to be tired. It’s okay to feel done even when you have more to do. Although it might feel like you’re being punished, you’re not being called to the principal’s office, you’re being called home to yourself. In this home, the house of the true self, there is endless love, compassion, and forgiveness and it’s a good thing because you’ll need all of it. From one soul to another from the light days to the dark nights, hear me when I say I know shame is scary, but please don’t turn away for too long. I’ll keep the light on for you.
