Dr. Mandy Menzer

06/25/2025

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2019/10/28/can-brain-science-help-us-break-bad-habits

Studies suggest that relying on will power is hopeless. Instead, we must find strategies that don’t require us to be strong.

06/06/2025

Looking at the basic ingredients from Dr. Sara Nasserzadeh's work (https://www.sara-nasserzadeh.com), how do you think your relationship recipe is coming along?

💚Attraction: Why do you want to be around one another?

It's not just about their appearance. Attraction cultivation, maintenance, and re-cultivation is a rich topic on its own and a whole other post for another time.

💚Respect: How do you keep each other's needs, priorities and boundaries in mind?

How do you navigate disagreements? Curiosity, compassion, accountability? Defensiveness, blame, avoidance? I swear curiosity is a superpower, and listening to understand rather than debate or even agree is a beautiful avenue toward connection. Listening, period, is frequently the missing piece in relational communication. If you could explain your partner's point, from their perspective (not yours), to a third party without inserting your own perspectives (often in the form of "but"), you're on your way to productive communication. Now, instead of explaining it to a third party, reflect it back to your partner and ask if you got it right. Keep going until they say yes. You don't have to agree. Your only task is to understand. Take turns and see what happens.

💚Trust: Do you know that you will show up for each other consistently and reliably?

This does not mean on command and without exception. Are you honest with each other? Are you in agreement about the differences between secrecy and privacy? Do you respect each other's privacy? Do you respect each other's autonomy and individuality? Are you responsive to one another and do you make repairs when you miss the mark?

💚Shared vision: Where are you committed to going together?

What do you see when you dream of your future? There will be differences in your Needs, Wants, and Wishes for your life. How do you hold space for those differences, compromise without resentment, and create agreements with joy and authenticity? Nobody is going to get everything they've ever wanted at all times. In the healthiest relationships, all parties decide with full hearts that what they are getting is well worth what they're not getting.

💚Compassion: Can you each honor the other's experiences without making it about you?

Reread respect. If my breath stinks so my partner doesn't want to kiss me, I could get mad at them for not wanting to kiss me. Or, I could could practice tolerating my embarrassment, thank them for telling me nicely (if they didn't tell me nicely, that's a different conversation), and then trouble shoot the barrier to our connection. Of course, this is a small example of something that can be even more challenging to practice in some incredibly charged and sensitive domains.

💚Loving Behaviors: What are the ways you show your love through actions?

Do you communicate love in a way your partner receives it? Are you practicing noticing, receiving, and turning toward the love your partner is communicating? Are you making it easy for your partner to give you the love you want? Do you complain about what you're not getting, or are you communicating to your partner how and when you feel most loved? Are you demanding, or are you inviting and available? Do you show love with resentment and expectation, or do you give it freely as a gift? There's nuance in this domain too, because... of course there is.
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🫂We might simply fall in love, but having a chance to keep that proverbial flame alive requires loving intention, action, authenticity, and accountability. Love isn't a thing that you get. It's an action that you take and an experience you create. It's as much a verb as it is a noun.

06/06/2025

06/05/2025

05/16/2025

DBT : Distress Tolerance Skills Guide by Therahive.

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03/29/2025

CAPA monthly meetings are held the second Friday of each month in January, February, March, April, May, September, October, and November.  The monthly membership meeting occurs from 12:00 PM to 1:30 PM. 

03/20/2025

S&x positive psychotherapy for people ready to thrive. Intersectionally allied. AASECT Certified. LGBTQIA+, ENM, and k!nk informed and affirming. Neuroscience enthusiast and aspiring nerd.

03/20/2025

People often try to help others feel better, but how do they do it? The Regulation of Others’ Emotions Scale (ROES) is the first to assess eight distinct strategies. Read a summary of the research from Carolyn MacCann via Kudos https://bit.ly/43ONMlc

The idea for this research "grew over the years into a large team spanning three countries and five institutions--a worldwide research team full of people and social interactions! It is clear that the people around us change the emotions we feel and when we feel them. This paper provides a language and framework for talking about the different things that people do to regulate others' emotions."

02/04/2025

How to survive Valentine's Day in your Couples Work

For all the couples counselors out there who are looking for some CEU’s, I highly recommend this one coming up on Valentine’s Day. The presenter is certified in both s*x therapy AND EFT. It’s only $30 for 1.5 CEU’s AND it comes with a free (and tasty) lunch at the Carillon restaurant at UT. You can also do it virtually if you want.