03/09/2026
Yesterday I treated myself to cervical spinal decompression. They strapped me to what looked like a medieval torture device that got a PhD in physics and a side hustle in chiropractic. It very slowly pulled my head off like I owed it money. For 15 glorious minutes I achieved perfect Zen enlightenment while simultaneously wondering if my neck was about to achieve escape velocity. When it was over, the Doctor asked how I felt.
I said, ‘Taller. And mildly divorced from my own spine.’ 10/10, would let robot pull my vertebrae again. My posture is now giving main-character energy and I feel great!