Blue Star Counseling

06/05/2022

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📷 = Kristin Wiens () Grab this at northstarpaths.com 😊

04/15/2022

Many of us believe that if we can remain calm no matter what and teach our children to do the same then we have successfully mastered self-regulation. But true regulation has nothing to do with achieving a certain state. It's in noticing and responding to whatever emotion you are feeling.

04/09/2022

02/08/2022

February’s made-up holiday approaches. Whether or not you celebrate , all that gushy pink love imagery is pretty inescapable. Grief is hard any time of year, but these minor holidays can feel particularly cruel.⁣
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If you're trying to cheer someone up this Valentine's Day, this comic is for you. And if you'd like to let folks know how *not* to help (and what to do instead), this comic is for you, too.⁣⁣
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Remember, Valentine's Day isn't just for couples (though do remember your widowed peeps!) - it's also for parents and siblings and friends. Have a grieving person in your life? Send them a text today. ⁣⁣

12/26/2021

12/18/2021

I have not much,
But, may I rest peacefully,
In the silence,
That I find from within.

Poem written by Athey Thompson
Art by Lennart Helji

11/05/2021

Reminder: Good things do not fix bad things.

If every time I say, "I hurt," you tell me that I brought it on myself, or other people have it worse than me, or that I just need to look on the bright side, it's not going to make my grief go away. It's going to make me stop talking about it.

"Look at all the good you have around you."
Gratitude does not work like that.

This idea that appreciating what you've got is the antidote for the pain of what you're missing, that is a central fallacy. Gratitude and grief don't cancel each other out. They exist side by side.

I can be thankful that the air quality is such that I can breathe without having to think about it. I can be thankful that the sun is exactly enough million, trillion miles away that I am warm but not incinerated. That doesn't mean that my pain goes away.

One of the challenges here is that we think that if you're sad, you can't also be happy. They don't cancel each other out.

We are complex beings. You can have a big deep sadness and be having the best day ever, at the same time. The coolness of being human is that we don't have to choose just one thing at any time.

Don't encourage someone to have gratitude for the good things that still exist. Good things and horrible things occupy the same space. Instead, mirror their reality back to them.

One of the really cool things about this is that we can practice it in our everyday lives - which helps us build the skills we need to help each other in our worst and hardest moments.

The next time you hear someone make a statement of pain, I want you to notice your impulse to jump in and make it better for them.

Learn to notice your impulse to fix it or make it better and then don’t do that. Instead, mirror their reality back to them. When they say, "This entirely sucks," say, "Yes, it does."
It's amazing how much that helps.