Debra Morrill - Shamanic Healing

10/26/2025

Many roads lead to the divine.
Beware of anyone who says
their path is the only way.

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10/02/2025

We are affected far more by our ancestors than we realize. Their pain and unresolved wounds live in our body, passed down in the genetic code. We feel their suffering and it influences us, often subconsciously.

One of the most effective ways to work with ancestral issues is to track patterns. Some of these patterns may be very specific, such as oldest sons experiencing bankruptcy and losing their businesses in mid-life. Some examples are more of an emotional nature, such as an inherited thread of grief or fear. The patterns repeat themselves in the hope of getting attention and ultimately healing for the original wound.

The heavy energy continues in the family lineage until one or more members of the family decide to shift it. I often hear clients say, “I am NOT passing this on to my kids.” By breaking the cycle, they leave a healthier legacy for their children and grandchildren.

Healing dysfunctional family energy patterns is a process. Here are some things you can do on your own to begin:

* Notice patterns. What situations, illnesses, or personality traits are repeated? You might interview older family members to learn what they know about their parents and grandparents.

* Look at old family photographs and notice the energy of your ancestors. Pay attention to how they are positioned, how they are standing, and any gaps in the photos.

* Bring the issue out into the light of awareness. Talk about it with trusted friends and family members. Ask the divine compassionate ones to shine light into this pattern and ask for clarity.

* Talk to the ancestors and ask them to step back out of your energy field so you can live your life, free to have a different experience than they did.

* Meditate on what positive energy (such as love, support, safety, balance, etc.) would have helped the lineage and ask your helping spirits, power animals or angels to bring that energy through to the family line.

In my shamanic healing practice, the most complex situations I work with are often ancestral in nature. In more intense cases, the energy can be extremely dark and heavy and include the need for compassionate depossession, curse unraveling, and retrieval of soul pieces taken through soul theft. For these, I recommend working with an experienced shamanic practitioner over time to help shift the family energy system to a greater place of balance and harmony.

This work is real, and it matters.

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If you would like to explore ancestral healing for your lineage, the next Red Thread series begins the weekend of November 7-9, 2025 at Crow Moon Healing in rural Mazomanie, WI. For more information, visit https://debramorrill.com/.../healing-the-red-thread-year-1/

09/18/2025

A couple years ago my cousin sent me a treasure trove of genealogical information he researched about my maternal grandmother’s family. Her lineage held a lot of pain and grief. My grandmother’s parents died when she was 13, and she lost an infant son born with a serious congenital disease.

Grandma never talked about her childhood, and at the time it never dawned on me to ask. She had thick walls up regarding her past.

There was much pain in her family. In a shamanic journey from ten years ago, I was shown the image of my great-great grandmother Wilhelmina grieving the loss of her infant.

Grandma’s eldest sister was born out of wedlock, which would have been especially shameful then. The second oldest sister was born just five months after her parents married. Only once did I ever heard my mom and aunts talk about this. It was mentioned only obliquely in hushed tones, and when I asked what they meant, no more information was forthcoming. They all tightened up.

One of the documents my cousin forwarded to me was a response to a letter that my grandmother’s eldest sister had written to one of her cousins inquiring about her own paternity.

The cousin shared what she knew, including the name of my great-aunt’s probable father. In the same correspondence (dated April 1977), she also shared that my great-grandmother too had been born before her parents were married. This was new information to me.

Here’s the opening paragraph of that distant relative’s response:

“We received your letter and I will answer it although I would almost rather not. Mother said to forget that stuff and live in the present.”

Sadness came upon me, as I realized that my great-aunt had lived in the pain and shame of this secret for most of her life. Only in her old age did she inquire about her paternity. I paused and honored her experience.

In reading that family correspondence, a tribal belief clearly identified itself: “We don’t talk about our pain.”

This is a long-standing unhealthy agreement held in many lineages. But this agreement only causes more pain. It’s impossible to live in the present until we’ve healed the pain of the past. Avoiding it is the equivalent of putting a bandaid on a gaping wound and calling it healed.

Learning from our history, unraveling tribal beliefs, and healing dysfunctional family patterns are the best ways to honor our ancestors.

“I am Debra Ann Morrill. I hold my pain gently and allow it to transform.”

This work is real, and it matters.

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If you would like to explore ancestral healing for your lineage, the next Red Thread series begins the weekend of November 7-9, 2025 at Crow Moon Healing in rural Mazomanie, WI. For more information, visit https://debramorrill.com/workshops/healing-the-red-thread-year-1/.

09/16/2025

There are numerous names for it. The label currently used most frequently is “empath.” It’s also called being a “sensitive.” The term “highly sensitive person” originated with Dr. Elaine Aron, one of the first authors to write on the topic.

If you’re reading this and you identify with being an empath, you’ve probably been referred to as “the sensitive one” in your family. Those around you might have said, “You’re just too sensitive. You need to get over it.”

If it was just as easy as “getting over it,” we wouldn’t be in discomfort.

Indeed, empaths are sensitive. Our senses are more highly tuned than the average. We pick up on emotions around us. We take on energy that is not ours, sometimes to our great detriment. One of my friends who was highly sensitive describes it as “walking around in the world with a raw nerve exposed.”

If you are empathic and sensitive, there are tools to be more comfortable. You don’t have to suffer. You can feel better.

Grounding, centering, and healthy methods of protection are a big part of it. Learning to discern what is yours versus what is not yours is key, as is learning techniques for healthy boundaries.

This work is real, and it matters.

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If you’re interested, you’re very welcome to join us. Even if you’re not sure you’re an empath, you are still welcome. These are very helpful tools for life! Module 1 of the “Energy Essentials for Empaths” fall series happens on Zoom on Sunday, September 28 from 9 am-4:30 pm. Visit debramorrill.com/workshops for more information and registration.

09/04/2025

A client once said, “The heavy energy in my family has been kicked down the road for too long. It’s time to say enough!”

We can look around the world and see the result of unhealed family lineages. Many of these patterns have been carried for generations.

The realization that we don’t want to pass on this legacy any longer is powerful. When we heal our family, we heal ourselves and make the world a better place for our children and grandchildren.

Here’s an example of how ancestral healing works.

Quite a few years ago, I flew to Arizona to visit my parents where they wintered as snowbirds. The trip was emotionally unsatisfying, and I was especially frustrated that my mother was unable to be present with me. It brought up old familiar feelings, and I cried all the way back to Wisconsin.

This experience continued to affect me profoundly. I journeyed about it several days later and asked my helping spirits for insight and healing.

In that healing journey, the divine compassionate ones brought through one of my ancestor grandmothers. She identified herself as Wilhelmina. She appeared grief-stricken, cradling a dead baby in her arms. Her husband had been away from home when her infant child died, and so the responsibility for digging the grave fell to her.

It was winter, and the act of laying her beloved baby in the cold ground stripped her raw. She was unable to share the depth of this pain and grief with anyone, so it entered the family genetic stream and carried through the women in the lineage, finally down to me, her great-great-granddaughter, many years later.

Was my great-great-grandfather really away from home when the baby died? Did my ancestor grandmother literally dig a grave in the frozen ground herself? I don’t know. What I do know is this. She felt emotionally abandoned and alone in her grief. It was a frigid isolating feeling to her - so cold that the energy of grief became frozen in my maternal lineage until it was witnessed in this journey. By holding space for Wilhelmina, the sadness and sense of loss was allowed to flow and release.

And through this journey, I recognized the pattern of loss and grief in my maternal lineage. Before my mother was born, my grandmother gave birth to a child, Arlo, who was born with a congenital condition. He only lived to age three.
I compassionately witnessed my grandmother’s and Wilhelmina’s pain, then asked my spirit guides to do an ancestral healing. They drained the heavy energy of grief from them, the lineage, and me. There was a feeling of deep peace when the journey was complete.

I always realized that my motherline carried a heavy energy of grief. The grief was tangible - it showed up in old family photographs, etched on their faces and in their posture. I never knew its origin until this journey.

After this healing, I noticed shifts in my mother and in myself. For me, it included a willingness to open my heart wider, to allow more joy, and to be more present with my emotions.

This work is real, and it matters.

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If you would like to learn to explore ancestral healing for your lineage, the next Red Thread series begins the weekend of November 7-9, 2025. It is a four-part series meeting every three months at Crow Moon Healing, a B&B in rural Mazomanie, WI. For more information, visit https://debramorrill.com/workshops/healing-the-red-thread-year-1/

08/25/2025

Hi, my name is Debra, and I’m an empath. I struggled with my empathic gifts for the first 35 years of my life. I was the sensitive child in a stoic Midwestern family. My parents didn’t know what to do with me and they found emotions uncomfortable, so I kept everything bottled up inside. When there was chaotic, loud energy around me, I would leave my body and experience the sensation of floating above my head. Years later, I realized how ungrounded I was – like a leaf blowing in the wind.

As an empath, I was also affected by the heavy energy of people around me. If a friend was struggling, I would take on their pain as though it were my own. This led to physical illness and exhaustion. When something happened in the larger world, like 9/11 or the death of Princess Diana, I carried the pain and suffering of the country in my energy field.

Later I began to participate in spiritual circles. Many of these gatherings opened with a talking circle where each participant shared their personal struggles. Because I had no boundaries, these stories caused me great pain. As each person went, I felt heavier and heavier, sometimes even crying openly at their pain. Eventually I would collapse into a puddle on the floor.

Finally, a spiritual mentor asked me if I was an empath. Every cell in my being said, “Yes!” And then I asked what that term meant. She explained that an empath is someone with a porous energy field who easily takes on the energy of others around them. That described me perfectly! I didn’t feel so alone when I learned that there were other people like me.

As I continued to explore my spiritual path, I learned to breathe and ground. Long walks in nature helped me open my own personal connection to Mother Earth and the stability available through her grounded energy.

With time I began to develop tools and techniques to help me better manage my empathic abilities. The attention to learning about my gifts worked. I am now grounded and aligned with healthy boundaries that allow me to stay centered in my own energy. I am stronger and more able to speak my truth with greater clarity. Learning to manage my empathy also allows me to do healing sessions for clients without taking on their pain.

I teach these tools and techniques in the “Energy Essentials for Empaths” classes. A handful of simple techniques can help us be grounded and centered within our own being and have healthy energetic boundaries. It’s empowering to be able to stand in our center and share our light and our compassion without it taking a toll on us.

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If you are interested, you would be very welcome to join us. Even if you’re not sure you’re an empath, you are still welcome. These are very helpful tools for life! Module 1 of the “Energy Essentials for Empaths” fall series happens on Zoom on Sunday, September 28 from 9 am-4:30 pm. Visit debramorrill.com/workshops for more information and registration.

08/22/2025

I was raised in a conservative farm family in Minnesota. The traditional Christian faith of my childhood didn’t satisfy the questions I had.

In my mid-30s, I was introduced to shamanism as a spiritual practice, and it resonated. It explained many of the concepts I felt intuitively and gave me language to use in exploring those ideas.

I believe there’s a divine animating power in the Universe. I see Spirit in everything - no one religion has a special connection to God at the exclusion of others. I believe that Great Spirit, God, Allah, the Goddess, the Buddha, and Yahweh are all names for the same divine life force.

I follow my spiritual practice in order to feel a deeper connection to the natural world and to others – to acknowledge my place in the web of life and feel a connection to all living beings.

I consider myself spiritual but not religious.

Shamanism has played a large role in my personal healing journey. Shamanic practices have helped me grow and evolve and live in more direct connection with my soul (which I define as the individual expression of the divine).

I also believe that there is an unseen spirit world. Many divine compassionate beings from these realms are eager to help us on our path. Once we learn to journey, we have another channel to connect with their wisdom, healing, and support.

This work is real, and it matters.

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If you would like to learn to journey, meet a power animal, participate in a fire ceremony, and do an outdoor form of divination, the next two-day basic shamanism workshop is September 24-25 at Crow Moon Healing in rural Mazomanie, WI. Exploring these tools techniques can change your life. For more information about the class, please visit https://debramorrill.com/workshops/connecting-with-divine-spirit-through-shamanism/

05/08/2025

Lately many people mention that they are way more anxious and easily triggered than usual. The chaos of our current environment has had deep impacts.

Our reserves have been depleted so when something upsetting happens, we have no energy stores to fall back on.

If you fall into a place of negative self-talk, please opt for kindness and gently redirect yourself away from any messages of blame or self-judgment. You’re doing the best you can right now. There is no need to judge yourself.

It might also help to realize the things you’re experiencing are also happening to many others. You are not alone.

* If you find yourself crankier than usual, you’re not alone.
* If you find yourself more tired than usual, you’re not alone.
* If you find yourself having a foggy mind and difficulty retaining information, you’re not alone.
* If you find yourself easily triggered, you’re not alone.
* If you find yourself more emotional than usual, you’re not alone.
* If you find yourself more anxious or fearful than usual, you’re not alone.
* If you find yourself easily distracted, you’re not alone.
* If you find yourself overwhelmed by the suffering in the world, you’re not alone.

And please know that there is no need to compare yourself to others. If someone seems to have everything together, that may just be an outward appearance. Inside they may be struggling with their own moments of doubt.

Everyone is undone right now to some degree, so please be kind to yourself and each other.

Self-care, time in nature, meditation, grounding and centering practices are more important than ever.

If you need comfort or support, please reach out to loved ones and to your care team.

This work is real, and it matters.

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This is Alfred, the 5-year-old, 2,000-pound oxen who lives at Crow Moon Healing where many of my workshops and private healing sessions are held. Looking into Alfred's eyes reminds me and many of my students and clients that we are not alone. He is almost always ready to give attention and love to those who need it. Photo credit: Chicken or the Egg Photography.

04/01/2025

Benevolent spirit helpers walk by our side and lend their support and assistance on our spiritual journey. These compassionate beings guide us toward our inner wisdom and the larger spiritual truth when we open our intuition and connect with their wisdom and healing energy.

Having this support from the spirit world is incredibly helpful during times of chaos, stress, and challenges. They help us navigate the complexities of life in the Middle World.

Spirit guides take many different forms. They may be power animals, angels, ascended masters, nature spirits, or embodiments of the divine such as Kwan Yin or Jesus Christ. We have more than one spirit guide – often a whole team. Some of our guides are with us from birth and some follow us throughout multiple lifetimes.

At times we may sense their presence as a loving energy. We may feel a gentle touch on our shoulder or a warm energy around our heart. We may smell a certain aroma or see twinkling lights. In times of great stress or challenge, we may be aware of them holding and comforting us.

Spirit guides interact with us for many reasons:

* to comfort us when we’re in pain
* for our growth, evolution and healing on our spiritual journey
* in response to a request or query
* to help us connect to the divine and remind us who we are
* for our safety and protection
* to relieve anxiety
* to help our everyday lives flow more smoothly (e.g. nudging us to take a different route to work to avoid heavy traffic)
* to help us read the energy of our immediate environment

Because of the spiritual law of non-interference, spirit beings are limited in the aid they can give us without being asked. We can help our guides by setting a clear intention to develop a relationship and letting them know how we welcome their involvement in our life. For example, making a statement such as “I invite my guides to communicate with me in dreamtime” or “I welcome assistance from my guides in healing the relationship with my sister” gives them permission to work on our behalf.

There are various ways to meet spirit guides, some on purpose and others in the moment. We may meet guides:

* during a shamanic journey, such as a power animal retrieval or a journey to the upper world to meet a spirit guide
* in meditation or dreamtime
* through being in nature – we may feel the loving presence of a nature spirit or have an encounter with a bird or animal
* in a moment of relaxation, such as while taking a bath or falling asleep
* in a moment of extreme stress or danger in response to a critical need
* during a healing session – they might introduce themselves through a healer or intuitive

Sometimes meeting a guide happens more gradually. We might have a building awareness that someone wants to communicate. When that happens, tune in. Begin talking to the being either silently or out loud. Let them know you sense them, you’re glad for their appearance, and you want to hear their wisdom. Ask them to communicate with you in ways you can perceive. Then wait. Sit and be spacious. The process of attuning takes time. Be patient. Remain aware and open, and allow the interchange to unfold.

Spirit guides often communicate with us via our usual intuitive channels. If we have the gift of sight, we may see a guide in a vision. If we have the gift of hearing, our spirit guides may whisper a message in our ear. But we won’t always receive messages in predictable ways. Guides show their inventive, creative nature by communicating with us in whatever manner gets our attention and allows us to receive the message. A sudden impulse might be a nudge from a guide. We may be pondering a question while out driving and feel the urge to look up. In that second, we see an answer written on a billboard.

Particularly with new guides, we want to use discernment around the messages they share. We test the information they bring by running it through the filter of our inner knowing. Does the message feel right? Does it point us in the direction of universal spiritual truth such as love, compassion and freedom, or does it point us toward ego motivations such as fear, guilt or separation?

If we notice red flags or if their energy seems in any way not quite right, they may not be a spirit guide. Then we exercise healthy boundaries by walking away. Even in the spirit realms, we have the freedom to choose whom we interact with.

Much like with a new human friend, it takes time to develop a meaningful relationship with a guide. In each exchange, we learn a little more about them. We begin to recognize their energy. Trust builds, and over time we communicate more easily. We give gratitude for their presence in our lives as they enrich our spiritual journey.

This work is real, and it matters.

01/31/2025

Today is the ten-year anniversary of my father's passing. This remains one of the most beautiful, loving, heart-wrenching experiences of my life. We gave my dad the freedom to have a peaceful death. My shamanic training prepared me for this.

(I don't need sympathy, thank you. I'm sharing this as a teaching story.)

This is one of my favorite pics of my father taken at least 20 years before his passing. This is him and my cousin Kent cleaning out a grain bin. Based on the smile on his face, it must have been a good year of crops.

This work is real, and it matters.

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January 24, 2015

The call came while in class. I normally keep my phone powered off when teaching, and this particular Saturday, I almost didn’t check it during our lunch break. But Spirit nudged me. There were numerous messages from my sister-in-law and mother, telling me that Dad was in the hospital in Phoenix where my parents wintered as snowbirds. My heart started pounding, and I took several deep breaths to ground and center before calling my mom.

“What’s going on?”

“Dad went to the ER this morning. He's got some kind of infection in his blood. That’s all they know yet.”

More deep breathing on my end. This sounded serious. I started doing tonglen meditation for my parents. Breathing in fear, breathing out peace and calm.

“Do you want me to come?”

“No, stay where you are. We don’t know much yet.”

“Okay, keep me posted. I love you. I’ll pray.”

I checked in with my spirit guides and felt their warm, comforting presence. They brought a clear message: “Everything is going to be okay.” I felt reassured. Some of the tension in my chest and belly began to relax.

I returned to class, and we sent prayers for my family.

Dad remained in the hospital throughout the weekend. The medical team got his blood pressure stabilized, and at times he was lucid. Because lab work indicated a systemic infection, they began massive doses of IV antibiotics. Cultures would later determine a staph infection had traveled throughout his blood. My normally strong, active father was brought to his knees by an invisible bacteria.

Sunday night about 11 pm, my mom called again. I could hear the panic in her voice: “He was struggling to breathe, so they put him on a ventilator.”

In that instant, it became very real. Dad was fighting for his life.
I did what I always do when faced with a challenge that leaves me feeling powerless. I turned to Spirit. Once again, my guides brought the message that everything was going to be okay. I trust my guides, so I breathed deep and relaxed.

I knew this message didn’t necessarily mean Dad was going to live, just that I would be okay. I would make it through this and continue on. From the perspective of the divine compassionate ones, with their higher consciousness and connection to larger meaning, it meant that dying here and now could be part of Dad’s soul purpose. Whether that would happen was still a mystery.

I flashed back to a message I had received at Christmas time. While driving to Iowa to visit friends over the holidays, I was curious about what 2015 had in store for me, so I opened and asked my guides. The message came loudly and clearly, “The next year is going to be a very good year for you personally. And it’s going to be a year of loss and a year of grief.” This message took me by surprise. I tuned in and asked who. My father’s face came into my awareness, and I immediately dismissed my intuition, comforted by the fact he was strong and in good health apart from the normal aches and pains of aging. His family has the gift of longevity – his father lived to be 83, and two of his brothers died in their early 80s. So I breathed a sigh of relief. We probably had a few more years with my 77-year-old father.
With Dad’s condition worsening, I went to bed and prayed for Spirit to hold him in the light of his highest healing, whatever that might be. I prayed for Spirit to hold all of us who loved him. I eventually fell asleep feeling the warm embrace of the divine compassionate ones.

That Monday morning, my father roused himself up out of the sedation and pulled out his vent. I joked to my mom, “If they put him back on the vent, they’re going to need to give him stubborn farmer levels of sedation.” We both laughed, “He’s a stubborn Swede and his Christeson genes are showing.” We all took this to be a positive sign that he was fighting. After twelve hours on the ventilator, he had enough of a rest that he was able to breathe on his own, so they left him off the vent with just a nose cannula for breathing support.

My brother flew down to Arizona on Monday to be with Mom. My mom continued to counsel me to stay in Wisconsin for now. My guides were in agreement. It wasn’t time for me to go yet. I was meant to hold my seat and hold space for my family from home.

For the last ten years, I’ve had an agreement with Spirit. When I receive information from Spirit – whether it be from my spirit guides or from my own higher self – I listen. This is an important part of my arrangement with the divine that allows me to be a shamanic healer and to continue moving forward on my own personal healing path. Over the years, this agreement has led to some very joyous places which initially seemed a bit frightening.
When Spirit suggested that buying a house would help me be more grounded, I did, even though I had a panic attack the day before making an offer. I love my home and have been happy here in Baraboo for nine years. When Spirit told me it was time to let go of my comfortable, secure job in the corporate world, I did, even through a monthlong meltdown of fear, doubt and anxiety. As my shamanic practice has grown, my personal healing has blossomed, and I have no regrets about leaving behind a regular paycheck. I now experience deep satisfaction from serving my purpose in the world.

Heeding this message to hold my seat and stay in Wisconsin was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It would have been far easier to fly to Phoenix and be with my family. A very large part of me wanted to sit at Dad's bedside and be there for Mom. But my agreement with Spirit isn’t around listening only when it’s easy or only when it suits me. Sometimes it’s damn hard. This was one of those times. So I comforted the part of me that wanted to be with Dad, and I held my seat.

I prayed. I called to the healing spirits. I sent love and light.

For the next few days, there were small positive signs of improvement. But for each step forward, Dad took another two back. His medical team grew to include a hospitalist (the team leader), infectious disease specialist, cardiologist, renal doctor, neurologist and many others.

My brother was relaying all the latest information from the doctors. A recovery time of 4-5 weeks was mentioned.

During a meditation, I heard the wisdom of my higher self that would guide me through the next few months. The realization came that no matter what happened – either way, if Dad lived or died – there was going to be pain. There would be no escaping it. I made the decision to stop avoiding and stop denying. Throughout whatever unfolded, I would face my pain head on. It was going to hurt, but I didn’t have to suffer with it.

My heart ached. I cried. I comforted myself. I comforted my mom. I talked to Dad on the phone and told him I loved him.

A well-timed midwinter warm spell brought temperatures to the high 20s and lower 30s. I bundled up and took several long walks in nature. The beauty and solace of the Merrimac Preserve brought me peace. With the loving nature spirits surrounding me, I could again feel the warm comfort of the divine compassionate ones holding me. I continued to hold my seat.

On Thursday, the call I was both dreading and welcoming came from my brother, “Debra, it’s time for you to come. You need to get here today.”

The hospitalist had been direct with Mom and Dan that morning. Dad was worsening, and he probably wouldn’t make it through. The doctor asked them to sign a DNR agreement. Three little letters that made us face reality – Do Not Resuscitate. Mom and Dan asked me how I felt about this. I agreed with them that we did not want to unnecessarily prolong Dad’s life. He wouldn’t have wanted that. But I also wanted to see him. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him and let him know I loved him before he passed.

So I told my brother: “Go ahead and sign the DNR. But I very much want to see him and be with him when he dies. We’ll leave it in God’s hands.”

I took a deep breath as the recognition of what this meant settled in. “Okay. I’m on my way. I’ll call you when I have a ticket.”
Spirit was with me in my travels. A delay at the Madison airport meant I would miss my connection in Denver. I called Delta immediately and got the last seat on the final flight of the day from Denver to Phoenix. I would make it to the hospital that evening, but well after midnight. I had been fortunate to get a ticket at all. This was Super Bowl weekend in Phoenix.

I was blessed with a smooth trip the rest of the way. My heart was heavy, and with each leg of my journey, time moved slower and slower. I found myself not wanting to arrive. I checked in with my brother at every opportunity. Dad was fading. They didn’t know how much longer he was going to last.

“When will you get here? Dad keeps asking for you.”

“Tell him I’m on my way. Tell him to wait for me. Let him know I love him."

Mom and Dan didn’t want me to arrive any more than I did, because of what it would mean. When I got there, he would be free to go. We all thought I would walk into his room, we would have our goodbye, and he would pass within an hour.

The flight from Denver to Phoenix went quickly. Now I was in a hurry to get to the hospital before he died. At the airport, my luggage was the last bag on to the carousel. I almost didn’t wait for it. But I took a deep breath and once again held my seat.
The other passenger on the shuttle from the airport was in town for the Super Bowl. When I shared with him that my family was waiting for me at the hospital, he requested that the driver drop me off first, even though it meant a delay for him. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers.

My brother met me in the parking lot at the hospital. He gave me a hug with tears in his eyes. We transferred my luggage to the car and went in. I was crying freely now. We walked very quickly up to Dad’s room. I paused outside before going in and gathered myself. I went right to Dad. He lifted his arms to hug me. I hugged him back. I sobbed and said, “I love you.” He said “I love you” back. It was a shock to see him so faded and so diminished.

Then I hugged Mom and held her, both giving and receiving comfort. Mom and I sat on each side of him for awhile, holding his hands.

I asked him, “Are you afraid?” And he said no. His eyes were clear. He had a breathing tube in his nose and his voice was raspy from being on the ventilator. Some of the things he said didn’t make sense. He wanted to get up out of bed and walk around even though his legs wouldn’t support him. He saw butterflies and lights in the room. He was angry with Mom because she wouldn’t take him home.

But the important things came out clearly. He loved us. He wasn’t afraid. He intended to die the same way he lived life – on his terms.

We sat vigil at his bedside. He made it through the night and even seemed to show small signs of improvement the next day. He was more at peace having his wife and both his children there at his side. We took turns sitting with him. Mom and I left the hospital for lunch to get some fresh air. We talked more. I shared with her, “You know that no matter what happens, we’re all going to be okay, right?” She silently nodded yes.

I reassured her that she wasn’t alone in this. No matter what happened throughout the next few weeks, Dan and I would be there for her and Dad. The same way that we had been there for them during her cancer treatments and heart block. Some families split apart during times of stress. Cracks develop and the dysfunction comes out. Not for us. We come together in love, we support each other, and we are present. Even in the pain, I was grateful to Spirit for mirroring this.

That day, the hospitalist shared more news. While they knew he had a massive staph infection throughout his whole body, they hadn’t been clear where it had originated. Dad wasn’t strong enough to withstand the test to know for sure, but they suspected he had a colony of staph growing on the back of his heart. If he were to recover, it would be 8-9 weeks of IV antibiotics to wipe out the bacteria in his blood. During this time hopefully he would regain enough of his strength in order to make it through open heart surgery to remove the original source of the infection. At his age, this was highly unlikely. But one of my Facebook friends was currently going through this with her elderly father, so I knew there was a chance.

That second night, Mom, Dan and I went back to the RV park and slept at the trailer. We got up the next morning in time to meet the doctors on their rounds and hear the latest update.

I was the first through the door of the hospital room that morning, and the truth smacked me in the face. Overnight there had been a shift in his energy. Where the day before he had been fighting to live, now it had changed. He was ready to go. I greeted him and hugged him and told him again that I loved him.
Then I went over to sit in the cushion in the window. After greeting him, my mom and brother came over to comfort me. “He’s ready to go,” I sobbed out. Then I moved back to my dad and held his hand and said, “I love you. I see that you’re ready to go. I’m crying because I’m sad for me and Mom and Dan. We’re going to miss you. But we’re ready to let you go.” He wasn’t able to say much at this point. He just nodded and smiled.

We sat with him and talked and held his hands. I urged him to let go of the pain around his heart. A fellow shamanic practitioner had journeyed on his behalf and saw he carried much pain and grief from losing three siblings in the previous two years. He also felt guilty and regretted that he had been unable to do more to help his family and bring them together. This guilt had become toxic and settled in around his heart, gradually poisoning him.

I knew that his pain could hold him back from crossing to the light, so I urged him to let go of his guilt and regrets and free his heart. I felt the tendrils of dark energy release. Through tears, I gathered the courage to say what needed to be said, “Do what’s right for you, Dad. I’m sad to see you leave, but it’s your time.”
I knew he was concerned about leaving Mom. We had all thought that with her health issues, she would be the first to go. It was not playing out that way.

“Don’t worry about Mom. Dan and I will take care of her. We’ll be okay.”

It was important that he hear from all of us, so Mom and Dan said their goodbyes and freed him to leave as well.

When the hospitalist made rounds later that morning, we asked her what we could do to make his end peaceful. She agreed that he was near his final time and laid out the options. All lifesaving measures and aggressive treatment could be discontinued. If so, only comfort care – nasal oxygen and medications for anxiety if it arose – would remain. I asked him, “Dad, you need to let the doctor know what you want. Do you want to stay and fight, or do you want to let go?” He made it clear through his nod that he was ready to pass, so we made the decision to withdraw treatment.

His nurse that day was an angel. She slowed the orders for a move to hospice, so he received comfort care in the hospital bed where he had been for the previous week. His IVs were removed. The machines were taken out of the room. His meds were discontinued. Nursing staff no longer came into the room every fifteen minutes to check his vitals. He was left in peace.
For the rest of the day, all three of us sat around him and held his hand. He was awake and aware for most of the morning but unable to talk.

The scene I will most remember: Mom sitting and holding his hand. Dad looking at her and mouthing to her, “I love you,” with such love in his eyes and his heart that it spilled over out into the room. I will carry this memory with me for the rest of my life, and it will guide me as I open to a love of my own.

I let him know the angels and other divine compassionate ones would assist him, helping to release his ties to being here on the earthly plane. I urged him to let go, and when the time was right to take their hands and allow them to lift him up and out of his body to the light. His already departed beloved family members would be there waiting to greet him. He nodded.

Dad was at peace. He knew he was loved, and each of us felt his love. But I still hurt. My heart still ached. Dad was leaving us. I broke down in tears throughout the day. Each time, I made the conscious choice to be present with his passing. Several times I leaned over and whispered in his ear, “It doesn’t have to be a struggle. It can be peaceful. You can just quietly slip away.”
His last hours were blessed. During the afternoon, he faded in and out of consciousness. He stopped moving and became still. His extremities got cold. His breathing grew more and more shallow.

In his last hour, all three us sat around his bed, touching him. We reminisced, we looked at pictures and told stories. We remembered the qualities that made him Dad and honored his life. This was our final gift to him, to bless him, release him and send him on his way peacefully. His final gift to us was letting us know how deeply he loved us.

That evening, Saturday, January 31, 2015, at 7:27 pm MST, he took his last breath. All of us saw it. He shuddered and let one long final breath out. And that was it. The essence that made him Dad was no longer in his body. His soul hovered in the room for a minute, assuring each of us of his love. I felt a warm embrace, then he left with the angels. The room shone with the clarity of grace and beauty.

I let out a big sob. So did Mom and Dan. We stayed there in the room for a while, holding and comforting each other. Mourning together. In our individual way, we each prayed, asking that his crossing to the light be smooth and complete.

His body remained, but it was now just a shell. We honored him one more time. Dad had been present when both Dan and I were born. He lovingly welcomed us as we entered this world. He fed us, changed our diapers and rocked us to sleep. It felt right and fitting that we would do the same for him in death. And so we tended to him. I washed him and put lotion on his body. Dan combed his hair and shaved him. Mom witnessed from a chair at the foot of the bed. And then all of us together lifted him into the body bag.

Before we left the room, I checked my email. A message had come through from a friend who is a medium. She had been checking in energetically at the exact time of his death and witnessed his crossing. She saw him standing in a field of wheat holding a small navy book. From there, he turned and went into the light. Mom identified the navy book as his much treasured Masonic text. He was a farmer, so it was particularly appropriate he would be standing in a field.

I left the hospital room tired and sad but in a place of peace. All of us received great comfort in knowing that his last day had been so beautiful. He died surrounded by the three people he loved most in this world, and he died exactly as he lived – on his terms. He would have hated lying in bed during months of recovery, and he would hated a long, lingering death. He died exactly as he wanted, and all of us were strong enough to grant his wish and do our part to ensure a peaceful passing.

I fell asleep that night without regrets.