Marisa McCutchen Counseling, PLLC

10/11/2022

New parents often struggle to re-establish meaningful and mutually satisfying relationships after having a baby, for a number of reasons (that's for another post!) They talk about changes such as having less time, a loss of routine, or having less emotional substance to their relationship....some say it can become primarily focused on family logistics.

In this blog article, written by Esther Perel, she talks about the importance of creating not just routines within relationships, but more specifically the importance of intentionally creating and maintaining RITUALS in a relationship. Esther says, "All relationships are stories. Rituals help us tell them." In a time of life when our relationship story can feel dark, distant, or at THE END, looking at rituals as a way to bring it back may be a great starting place. 💜

Check it out here.

Routines and rituals have a lot in common, but what makes them different is the key to elevating our relationships. Read more about the importance of rituals for healthy relationships at every stage.

10/09/2022

Therapy is COOL!

It's a place to be you...to rediscover you...to reveal you...to find new parts of you...with me!

10/01/2022

"At least..."
...these are the infamous words associated with finding silver linings in trauma. Just like giving advice, the "at least" statements can be very well-intended AND also very invalidating for someone who has gone through a trauma.

It is human to want our loved ones to be OK. It can feel really uncomfortable when they don't. Though our intention is to help, silver linings can cut the person's feelings out at the knees.

Have you ever felt what it feels like to be really and truly heard? To have the attention completely on YOU and how YOU are doing? The listener doesn't have to do anything, other than listen and be present...and it can feel like they've given you everything.

So, just listen. It means a lot.

09/25/2022

It can seem counter-intuitive to imagine feeling GRIEF after having a baby. You may have a healthy baby. You may be healthy yourself. You may have supportive people in your life. BUT, you begin to feel a sense of loss. What the F, right?

Grief is a VERY normal part of the change process...it's actually an essential step on the walk to parenthood.

Grief can look like...
..losing our previous lifestyle...less freedom, less spontaneous, constant change.
..losing our previous identity...employee, boss, family supporter, lover, friend.
..losing the rhythm of our relationships...less interaction, less time for investing in relationships, less capacity for supporting others.

We may feel grief about not experiencing what we expected our postpartum time to be.

This part of the postpartum is not highly shared and often a surprise to new parents. It can feel shocking and create a sense of loneliness.

The GOOD NEWS is that grief is something we move through. Although the change process is imprinted in our memory, the adjustments we make in parenthood and the new important parts of ourselves that are bolstered or discovered can be a wonderful enhancement of ourselves. Through our grief, we grow.

09/21/2022

Regular stressors hit a postpartum parent differently than a person who isn't postpartum.

The overwhelm is not about the in-laws visit.

It's not about the cold coffee.

It's not about the toilet seat being left up.

It's not about someone saying you look tired (well, sometimes it is! 😁)

It IS about the LOAD that postpartum parents are adjusting to. The magnitude of the importance of their new job caring for a/the baby/ies. The humongous changes that come so quickly and abruptly. And....it takes time and patience and support to make it through the stormy time.

Cheers to the postpartum...a time when we all spill over from the little things, but have BIG things getting us to that edge.

09/08/2022

09/07/2022

Overwhelm looks different after having a baby. There's a lowered threshold because more feels important. The newness of parenting responsibilities adds layers of looming stress or weight on our shoulders. This piling up can feel like walking on a fragile surface, ready to break at any turn.

The overwhelm causes lots of other things, too. When we feel overwhelmed, we are often more sensitive or in-tune, maybe quick to snap at someone, and have less coping ability to bounce back from unfortunate situations.

That place of overwhelm can feel lonely or like there's something wrong with you because you are struggling.

Every new parent has a story of overwhelm. Where things get too stressful and you act in ways you don't feel great about.

You are not alone!

09/02/2022

Do you have lived experience with perinatal mood or anxiety struggles? Have you thought about supporting other new parents as a mentor? Postpartum Support International is looking to train peer mentors to continue to expand the support offered to new parents. Scan the QR code on this graphic for more info.

08/30/2022

Exhaustion...it's what everyone you meet wants to prepare you for and yet, often the thing that you feel most unprepared for. It's the difference between talking about running a marathon and actually running it.

When I was a brand-spanking new parent I remember going to the dentist and falling asleep with my mouth wide open in the dentist chair. The only thing that woke me up was the jolting of my own snore. THAT was exhaustion.

It was going on a date with my partner the first time after having a baby and when asked what you wanted to do with your "date time" your one true wish was to pull the car to the side of the road and take a nap. Hello exhaustion!

Who else has a story of exhaustion?
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08/30/2022

We'll be starting another group on Thursday, Sept 15th. We have spots open as of now. Reach out to me if you want to sign up!

06/07/2022

is here! Over the next 24 hours New Hampshire will come together to support all of the incredible nonprofits in our community. Today I am proud to support and help them promote their mission and have a greater impact on New Hampshire.

You can donate now, too. Check out now!

05/19/2022

If you haven't heard Lynn Lyons' work, look her up! This podcast episode is about how anxiety sneaks into your marriage. I think it has some really helpful insights. Enjoy!

https://megaphone.link/WFH9513820788