Emotional Roadmap to Emotional Health, 2431 Nowata Place, Bartlesville, OK (2025)

11/17/2025

Change the Narrative

Rewriting the Story Your Mind Keeps Repeating

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

The Stories We Tell Ourselves Shape the Way We See the World

Our brain believes what we tell it to believe — especially the core beliefs tucked deep in the subconscious. That’s why our self-talk matters so much.

The brain is constantly scanning our environment looking for “evidence,” trying to prove itself right. If you carry the belief that you’re unlovable or unworthy, your mind will highlight every moment, every tone, every silence that seems to validate that belief.

It’s not because you’re broken.
It’s because your brain is trying to make sense of your experiences the only way it knows how.

But what happens when your experiences don’t make sense?

What happens to the story when life hands you chapters full of confusion, shame, heartache, or betrayal?

⸻

When the Old Story No Longer Fits

I was listening to a podcast today about the power of our narrative — the internal story we weave through the fabric of our lives. The host said something that stopped me mid-sip of my coffee: “Your brain needs a story that brings peace, not just a story that fills the space.”

And that hit me.

Because so many of us are walking around with narratives that never brought peace.
They only brought pressure.
Or shame.
Or confusion.

Some life events just don’t make sense.
So how do we create a narrative that finally does?

⸻

My Story: When Everything Fell Apart Before It Fell Into Place

Let me offer a personal example — one that reshaped everything for me.

I spent many years married to a narcissist before finally leaving in 2015. What I didn’t understand then was how much healing I would need afterward. I couldn’t wrap my mind around how I ended up in such a toxic marriage, or how I allowed myself to believe someone with such charm could also be someone with such cruelty.

For a long time, my story sounded like:
• “How could I be so foolish?”
• “Why didn’t I see it?”
• “What does this say about me?”

I kept trying to make the pain make sense.

And then one winter night, driving home from Tulsa, it hit me — gently, but with a clarity I can still feel in my bones.

⸻

The Moment My Story Changed

I realized that without those experiences — without the years of confusion, survival, and self-betrayal — I would never have the capacity, empathy, or emotional understanding I now have as a coach.

I wouldn’t recognize certain patterns.
I wouldn’t hear what isn’t being spoken.
I wouldn’t be able to sit with women in their darkest moments and say,
“I understand — truly.”

That night, my narrative shifted.

My storyline began to make sense.

⸻

What Changing the Narrative Makes Possible

I now get to walk alongside women who want to see their life through a different lens. Women who are tired of old patterns, old wounds, and old ways of coping. Women who are ready to rewrite the storyline — not to erase the pain but to transform their relationship with it.

There’s a beautiful moment in this work when a client begins creating a new narrative for her own life.

You can literally feel peace settling into her mind.
You can see her experiences start to make sense.
You can see her reclaiming her story.

And it never stops being sacred.

⸻

Healing Doesn’t Mean You’re Glad It Happened

Changing your narrative isn’t the same as saying:
• “I’m thankful for the pain.”
• “I’m glad that happened.”

No.
It simply means you no longer allow the pain to be the author of your story.

We all face moments we can’t understand — chapters we wish we could skip altogether. But when healing comes, and when we’re ready, we get to rewrite the narrative into something that brings clarity, compassion, and peace.

And that, my friend, is where everything begins to shift.

~Jenn 🤍

⸻

I am a certified Emotional and Resilience Coach, and I work with women who struggle with anxiety, low self-worth, depression, and the lasting impact of emotional wounds.

If you’d like to learn more about what I do, you can visit my website: ahutchbetterlife.com

I see clients in person at my Bartlesville office and virtually for those outside the area.

📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com

11/16/2025

When Your Thoughts Feel True… But Aren’t

Learning to Separate Your Mind’s Noise from What’s Real

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

The Thoughts We Treat as Truths

One of the most liberating lessons I’ve learned — personally and in my work as a coach — is this:

Your thoughts are not facts.

Just because a thought pops up doesn’t mean it deserves your attention, your belief, or your peace. But goodness… our minds can be convincing, can’t they? A simple intrusive thought can slide in, and before we know it, we’re spiraling into “what ifs,” assumptions, and stories that don’t actually have any evidence behind them.

Most of us were never taught to question our thoughts.
We were taught to assume they were trustworthy.
But here’s the truth:
Many thoughts are nothing more than old fears, outdated narratives, and emotional echoes from wounds you didn’t deserve.

⸻

Be Skeptical of the Thoughts That Hurt You

I tell my clients all the time — and I remind myself of this often:

Don’t take every thought at face value.

When a thought pulls you into fear, insecurity, self-doubt, or shame… pause. Get curious. Ask yourself:
• Where’s the evidence?
• Has this thought shown itself to be reliable before?
• Is this coming from a wound or from reality?

If there’s no evidence to support the thought, then it doesn’t get to take up space in your day.
You don’t have to fix it or wrestle with it — you can simply let it go and move on.

This isn’t toxic positivity.
This is emotional responsibility.
This is you reclaiming your peace from thoughts that never had the right to steal it.

⸻

When Your Thoughts Become the Enemy

If you notice yourself entertaining thoughts that only tear you down — thoughts that chip away at your confidence, your worth, or your ability to trust yourself — that’s a sign something deeper may be speaking.

You’re not “dramatic.”
You’re not “too sensitive.”
You’re not “overthinking for no reason.”

You’re hurting.
And those thoughts are symptoms of that hurt.

You don’t have to figure them out alone.

⸻

If Your Thoughts Are Turning Against You… Reach Out

If you recognize that your thoughts are pulling you into self-doubt, anxiety, or low self-worth, please reach out. This is the work I do every single day with women who feel exactly the way you do — women who are tired of fighting their own minds and ready to build a healthier inner world.

You deserve support.
You deserve clarity.
And you deserve a mind that feels like a safe place to be.

🤍
~Jenn

⸻

Work With Me

I am a Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach, and I work specifically with women navigating:
• Anxiety
• Low self-worth
• Emotional wounds
• Depression
• Overthinking and intrusive thoughts

If you’d like more details about what I do, you can visit my website:
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

I see clients both in person at my office in Bartlesville and virtually.

📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com

You were never meant to do life alone — and you don’t have to start now.

11/15/2025

When Staying Present Feels Like the Hardest Thing to Do

Learning to Stop “Checking Out” and Start Coming Home to Yourself

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

Writing as My Own Healing Work

When I sit down to write these blogs, I’m not just writing to you — I’m often writing with you.
These posts have become pieces of my own therapy, my own healing, my own quiet realizations.

And the fact that so many of you graciously allow me this space to be human — not just a Life Coach, but a survivor and a fellow traveler — means more than I can say.

I’m learning right alongside you.
I’m unlearning right alongside you.
And I’m remembering right alongside you.

⸻

The Pieces of My Story I Still Can’t Remember

Recently, during my own personal writing, I found myself staring at the blank spaces of my past — the “voids” that my mind simply will not surrender.
There are entire pockets of time that feel foggy, suspended, unreachable.

And I’ve spent years wondering why.
Why can’t I remember?
What happened in those spaces?
What parts of me did I have to disconnect from just to survive?

As I was talking to my youngest daughter about this, I mentioned the memory gaps — the disappearing acts my mind performed without my permission.

She didn’t even pause before she said,
“Mom… there were times where you had totally checked out.”

That hit me like a punch I didn’t see coming.
The guilt rose instantly — fast, sharp, unforgiving.

But then she followed it with something that softened everything inside me:

“…but Mom, you were doing your best to survive too.”

Twenty-four years old and speaking truth I didn’t give myself permission to hold.
Her words didn’t magically erase the guilt…
but they did invite compassion to walk into the room.

⸻

Why Share This? Because Healing Requires Honesty

I wish I could tell you I had a strategic reason for sharing this part of my story.
But the truth is simpler and messier:

I’ve had to learn to turn around and face my own past —
to stop running from the versions of me who carried the weight of survival.

I’ve learned how to stay present long enough to befriend the parts of me that believed checking out was the only way to stay safe.
I’ve had to stop blaming them and start thanking them.

Those parts didn’t fail me.
They protected me.

And today, as a woman, a mom, a coach, and a human in constant evolution — I can honor that.

⸻

The Girl Who Stayed Positive Because She Had To

I naturally run on the wavelength of happy, optimistic, and “we’re going to be okay.”
It’s my default setting.
It’s how I survived for so long.

But now?
I can finally recognize when I’m feeling something deeper.
I no longer gaslight myself with “It’s fine.”
I no longer bulldoze over sadness, fear, or anger.

Those emotions don’t mean I’m failing at healing.
They mean I’m finally allowing myself to feel.

I don’t have to check out when the harder emotions show up —
I can stay present with them, listen to them, learn from them.

That is emotional regulation.

⸻

What Emotional Regulation Actually Looks Like

It’s not being calm all the time.
It’s not staying positive no matter what.
It’s certainly not pretending.

Being emotionally regulated means:
• You stay present with what’s real
• You stay connected to yourself
• You don’t abandon your truth
• You allow your feelings to exist without shaming them

It’s the art of remaining in your body —
even when sadness rises, even when fear whispers, even when anger knocks.

It’s choosing presence over escape.
Compassion over criticism.
Truth over survival-mode silence.

⸻

If You’ve Been Living on Autopilot… You’re Not Alone

Maybe you’ve had seasons where you’ve felt like a ghost in your own life.
Maybe you’ve moved through days like you’re watching yourself from the outside.
Maybe checking out is the only way you knew how to keep breathing.

If you’ve been afraid to slow down, afraid to see reality for what it is, afraid to face your own past — I want you to hear this clearly:

You’re not broken.
You’re not beyond repair.
You’re not alone.

I’ve been there.
Many of the women I walk with have been there.
And you can learn a different way.

⸻

There Are Tools That Can Help You Stay Present

Take it from this Life Coach who is still very much on her own emotional healing journey —
you can learn to stay present without checking out.

You can learn tools that help you:
• face your past with courage
• stay connected to your body
• soften fear with truth
• integrate the parts of you that once protected you
• create safety from the inside out

You don’t have to do it perfectly.
You just have to stay willing.

Healing is not about looking back with blame —
it’s about finally looking back with clarity, compassion, and reclaimed power.

And you deserve that kind of freedom.
We both do.

🤍
~Jenn

You Don’t Have to Walk This Journey Alone

If any part of my story spoke to a truth inside you — a memory, a pattern, a feeling you’ve been quietly carrying — please know this:

You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
You don’t have to untangle years of survival-mode by yourself.
And you don’t have to learn how to stay present without someone gently walking beside you.

If you’re ready for support, or you just need a safe place to land while you sort through the pieces of your story, please reach out.

We were never meant to do life alone.
And I would be honored to walk alongside you.

🤍
Contact Jenn:
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

11/15/2025

When Healing Feels Heavy: Understanding the Journey After Narcissistic Abuse

Reclaiming Your Voice, Your Worth, and Your Peace

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

The Wounds You Can’t See

Healing from narcissistic abuse is unlike any other kind of healing.
It’s not just recovering from what happened —
it’s recovering from what you were taught to believe about yourself.

Narcissistic abuse is subtle and loud all at once.
It’s the criticism wrapped in charm.
The manipulation disguised as concern.
The blame that somehow always circles back to you.

And because of that, the wounds are deep…
not because you were weak,
but because your kindness, empathy, and willingness to love were used against you.

⸻

The Confusion That Lingers

One of the most painful parts of this journey is the confusion.
You replay memories, trying to figure out what was real,
what was twisted,
and how you lost yourself without noticing.

That confusion is not a sign that you’re broken.
It’s a sign of just how deeply you cared —
and how skilled they were at rewriting the story.

Narcissistic abuse teaches you to doubt your memory,
your intuition,
and your perception of reality.
So of course clarity feels foreign at first.

Healing is about slowly learning to trust yourself again.

⸻

When I Finally Had Words for What I Lived Through

For me, healing didn’t begin with leaving.
And it didn’t begin with time.
It began when I finally had words for the life I was experiencing.

For so long, I couldn’t make sense of how I could try so hard and still fall short.
I couldn’t understand how simply being me could create so much happiness in one moment —
and then, in the next breath, be accused of being unloving, uncaring, or disrespectful.

I remember the exhaustion of being told how I felt,
even when it didn’t match anything inside of me.
I remember second-guessing my own emotions,
my own memory,
my own reality.

Being in this kind of relationship leaves you feeling confused,
off-kilter,
and “crazy.”
And for a long time, I believed that lie.

But the more I learned —
the more language I finally had
for manipulation, gaslighting, projection, and emotional control —
the more everything began to make sense.

It took years before I felt like I was living as my authentic self again.
Years before I realized that boundaries weren’t selfish — they were necessary.
Necessary for my peace.
Necessary for my healing.
Necessary for reclaiming my voice.

And slowly, I learned that my worth was never meant to be determined
by someone else’s shifting opinion of me.

This was the beginning of coming home to myself.

⸻

The Moment You Realize It Was Never Your Fault

There comes a moment — sometimes early, sometimes much later —
when you finally see the truth:

It was never about your worth.
It was about their wounds.

You could have been perfect — and it still wouldn’t have changed them.
You could have given more — and they still would have taken.
You could have loved harder — and they still would have blamed.

Narcissistic abuse isn’t born from your inadequacy.
It’s born from their inability to love in a healthy, reciprocal way.

Let that truth settle gently into your chest.
You didn’t fail.
You were exploited.

⸻

Rebuilding the Self You Lost Along the Way

Healing is not about going back to who you were before.
It’s about meeting the version of you who survived —
the woman who learned, who grew, who refused to disappear.

This part of the journey often includes:

• Relearning your needs
• Setting boundaries you never felt safe to set before
• Letting go of guilt that never belonged to you
• Finding your voice again — steady, clear, and rooted

You are not rebuilding from scratch.
You are rebuilding from wisdom.

⸻

The Anger, The Grief, and the “Why Didn’t I See It?”

These emotions come in waves —
and every one of them is normal.

Anger:
at the manipulation, the lies, the lost years.

Grief:
for the version of you who spent so long trying to be enough.

Shame:
because part of you blames yourself for staying.

But here’s the truth I hope you hold gently:

You didn’t stay because you were weak.
You stayed because you were hopeful.
Because you believed in love.
Because your heart wanted to make it work.

Those are not flaws.
Those are strengths.

⸻

The Power You Begin to Feel When the Fog Lifts

There comes a day — often quietly —
when you notice something shifting inside you.

You’re not walking on eggshells anymore.
You’re not apologizing for existing.
You’re not bracing for the next outburst, withdrawal, or manipulation.

You start to feel your own power again.

Your joy.
Your voice.
Your clarity.

This is the part of the healing journey that feels like coming home to yourself —
the part where you realize you never lost your worth;
you just lost access to it for a while.

⸻

Learning to Love Without Losing Yourself Again

One of the greatest fears after narcissistic abuse is repeating the pattern.
But healing teaches you things you’ll never unknow:

• What manipulation sounds like
• What gaslighting feels like
• What genuine love looks like
• What your intuition has been trying to tell you all along

You begin to choose differently —
not from fear,
but from wisdom.

Healthy love doesn’t require you to shrink, silence, or sacrifice yourself.
Healthy love expands you.

⸻

You Are Not Who They Told You You Were

This is the heart of the healing journey:

You are not the names they called you.
You are not the blame they placed on you.
You are not the “too much” or “not enough” they projected onto you.

You are worthy.
You are lovable.
You are capable of deep connection and healthy intimacy.
You are rebuilding a life that belongs fully to you —
and you’re doing it with more strength, clarity, and compassion than you may even realize.

⸻

The Beauty of Becoming Yourself Again

Healing from narcissistic abuse is not quick.
It is not linear.
And it is not something you rush.

It is a gentle unfolding —
a reclaiming —
a remembering.

Piece by piece, you come back to yourself.

And every step, no matter how small,
is an act of courage.

🤍
You are not who they told you you were.
You are who you have always been —
and who you are becoming is breathtaking.

~Jenn
🤍
If you’re in a season where you’re trying to move forward — whether you’re healing from narcissistic abuse, rebuilding your self-worth, or learning how to trust yourself again — you don’t have to walk that journey alone.

This is the heart behind my work.

I support women who are navigating the confusion, the grief, and the slow, steady process of coming back home to themselves after emotional wounds and relational trauma.

If you’re needing a safe place to land, a soft place to process, or a guide who truly understands the layers of healing — I’d love to walk beside you.

I offer free consultations so you can ask questions, get a feel for what working together looks like, and see if it’s the right fit for where you are in your journey.

I meet with clients in person at my Bartlesville office, and I also see clients virtually for those outside the area or who prefer the comfort of home.

When you’re ready, I’m here.

🤍
**~ Jenn Hutcherson**
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

📞 Phone: 918.214.8109
📧 Email: ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 Website: ahutchbetterlife.com

11/13/2025

Title: When “Doing It Right” Starts Costing You Your Peace
Subtitle: Letting Go of Perfectionism Without Letting Go of Your Standards
🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

The Quiet Weight of “I Just Want to Do It Well”

Perfectionism rarely shows up as arrogance.
It doesn’t come from believing you’re better than others.
Most of the time, it comes from fear.

Fear of being misunderstood.
Fear of disappointing others.
Fear of making the wrong move and losing connection, respect, or safety.

For so many women, perfectionism is not about excellence —
it’s about protection.

We’re not trying to be flawless.
We’re trying to avoid the pain we survived before.

⸻

Where Perfectionism Begins

For many of us, perfectionism started long before we could name it.

Maybe you learned that being “easy” made life smoother.
Maybe your success was praised, while your mistakes were criticized.
Maybe love felt conditional — something you had to earn by getting everything right.

You didn’t wake up one day and decide to become a perfectionist.
Your nervous system simply adapted:

“If I do everything right, maybe I’ll feel safe.”

But here’s the hard truth —
perfection was never the thing that kept you safe.
Your constant self-monitoring was.

And that’s exhausting.

⸻

The Problem With Never Letting Yourself Be Human

Perfectionism demands:

• Be strong, but never too emotional
• Be capable, but never need help
• Be successful, but don’t make others uncomfortable
• Be kind, but never say no
• Be everything, but don’t let it look like you’re trying

And in the process, you lose the most important part of you —
your humanity.

Perfectionism doesn’t just silence mistakes.
It silences joy.
It silences rest.
It silences authenticity — the real you who’s allowed to be messy and magic at the same time.

⸻

Perfectionism Isn’t Discipline — It’s Self-Abandonment

There is a difference between:

Healthy Excellence:
I show up with intention, care, and effort.

Perfectionism:
I criticize, exhaust, and betray myself to be enough.

One nourishes growth.
The other drains the soul.

And perfectionism never delivers the safety it promises.
No matter how much you achieve — you still feel like you could have done more.

Because perfection is a moving finish line.

⸻

What Healing Looks Like

Healing perfectionism doesn’t mean lowering your standards.
It means loosening your grip.

It means learning to let yourself:

• Try without guaranteeing the outcome
• Rest without earning it
• Fail without spiraling
• Be seen without performing
• Ask for help without shame

Growth is messy. Healing is messy.
Life is messy.

But messiness is where real connection happens —
with yourself and with others.

When you stop trying to be perfect,
you make room for something far more powerful:

Being human.

⸻

A Gentle Reminder (Read This Slowly)

You don’t have to earn your worth.
You don’t have to perform to be loved.
You don’t have to hold everything together alone.

You are allowed to take up space.
You are allowed to rest.
You are allowed to be real.

You are already enough — right here, today, exactly as you are.

🤍
~Jenn

⸻

I’m Jenn Hutcherson, Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach.
I help women who struggle with anxiety, self-worth, and emotional wounds like abandonment and rejection.

If perfectionism has been running the show — and you’re tired — you don’t have to navigate the healing alone.

I offer free consultations so you can ask questions and see if coaching feels like the right support for your journey.

📍 In person (Bartlesville, OK) or virtual
📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

11/12/2025

Title: When the Voice in Your Head Was Never Truly Yours
Subtitle: Healing the Shame That Taught You That You Weren’t Enough

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

The Voice You Learned to Live With

Maybe you didn’t grow up in a home where gentleness was spoken.
Maybe praise was rare.
Maybe the attention you received came mostly when you messed up — not when you tried, not when you tried again, not when you did your best.

Instead, you learned to hear:
• “You could’ve done better.”
• “Why didn’t you think of that?”
• “If you really cared, you would have tried harder.”

And over time, those messages didn’t just come from someone else —
they became the voice speaking inside you.

Not because you chose it.
But because your nervous system was shaped in the only environment it knew.

⸻

When Criticism Becomes Your Own Voice

You didn’t wake up one day and decide to be hard on yourself.
You learned to be.

You learned to anticipate mistakes before you made them.
You learned to notice flaws before anyone else could.
You learned that if you pointed out your shortcomings first, maybe no one else would have the power to.

What started as protection slowly turned into internal pressure.

And somewhere along the way, the voice that once belonged to others became your own.

Not encouraging.
Not supportive.
Not kind.

Just relentless.

⸻

How That Voice Shows Up in Your Relationships

This is the part that often goes unnoticed:

When you already believe you’re “not enough,”
even neutral words can feel like criticism.

A question as simple as,

“Did you remember to…?”

can sound like,

“How did you forget again?”

And your body reacts — not to the present moment,
but to the history behind it.

So when your spouse speaks, you may not be hearing them at all.
You’re hearing the echo of every old wound…
spoken now in your own voice.

It’s exhausting — for your heart, your marriage, your nervous system.

Because you are not just responding to what is being said.
You’re responding to what you’ve been taught to believe about yourself.

⸻

The Quiet Weight of Shame

Shame is subtle.
It doesn’t shout.
It whispers.

Shame doesn’t say:

“You made a mistake.”

It says:

“You are the mistake.”

Shame tells you:
• If you were better, this wouldn’t be happening.
• If you were enough, you wouldn’t feel this insecure.
• If you could just get it right, you’d finally be okay.

But none of those beliefs are truth.
They are the residue of environments that didn’t know how to nurture your heart.

Your pain is not proof that you are inadequate.
Your pain is proof that you’ve survived what should have been handled with care.

⸻

Learning to Heal the Voice Inside You

Healing doesn’t require you to silence the voice inside —
only to teach it a new language.

A kinder one.
A gentler one.
One rooted in truth instead of fear.

Healing begins when you start speaking to yourself as you would speak to someone you love:
• “I am learning.”
• “I am growing.”
• “I am worthy of patience.”
• “I am enough even when I’m still becoming.”

As you soften toward yourself, your relationships shift too.
Your tone changes.
Your body relaxes.
Your heart opens.

Because you are no longer interpreting love through the lens of old wounds.

You begin to hear now instead of then.

⸻

If You’ve Ever Felt “Not Enough”

Please hear this:

You were not born believing you were inadequate.
Someone taught you that.

But what was learned can be unlearned.
What was wounded can be healed.
What was silenced can rise again.

The voice in your head is not your identity.
It is a story — one you are allowed to rewrite.

And you deserve to rewrite it with compassion.

You are worthy of gentleness.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of peace.

You always have been.

🤍
~Jenn

⸻

If this resonates — if you can see yourself in these words — you do not have to walk this part of your healing alone.

I offer free consultations so you can simply breathe, talk, and see what support might look like for you.

📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

I see clients in person in Bartlesville and virtually for those outside the area.

You don’t have to keep carrying this weight by yourself. You really don’t. 🤍

11/11/2025

The Mirror Hidden Inside Our Judgments
What We Notice in Others Often Reflects What We Learned to Hide in Ourselves

🤍
By Jenn Hutcherson
Certified Emotional & Resilience Coach
A Hutch Better Life

⸻

There’s a phrase I return to again and again when I’m sitting with women:

Every judgment hides a mirror.
What stirs us, irritates us, or feels “too much” in someone else is often reflecting a part of ourselves that we once learned to silence.

This isn’t about shame.
This is about understanding ourselves with gentleness.

Because most of us didn’t choose to shut down parts of who we are.
We learned to do it to be loved.
To be accepted.
To stay safe.

Let’s explore how these mirrors show up in everyday life.

⸻

1. When Someone Feels “Too Needy”

Have you ever felt annoyed by someone who constantly seeks reassurance, closeness, or emotional presence?

Often, that irritation comes from a part of you that was never allowed to need anything.

Maybe you had to be the strong one.
The self-reliant one.
The “I’m fine” one.

So when someone freely expresses need,
it touches the part of you that once needed that, too —
and didn’t receive it.

⸻

2. When Confidence Looks Like Arrogance

Think about the person who walks in steady, unapologetic, assured.

Sometimes that confidence stirs something in us — and not always in a positive way.

Not because confidence is wrong,
but because you were taught to shrink.

To dim.
To be agreeable.
To not take up space.

Their confidence mirrors the part of you
that deserved to shine,
but learned to disappear.

⸻

3. When Emotional Expression Feels “Too Much”

If someone freely cries, shares, or feels out loud — and it makes you uncomfortable — pause and ask:

Where did I learn to hold everything in?

So many of us had to be the one who held it together.
We became the stabilizers, the fixers, the emotional anchors.

So seeing someone live from their heart touches the place that never felt safe to fall apart.

⸻

4. When Rest Looks Like Laziness

When you feel annoyed watching someone rest, slow down, or honor ease — it often means:

There is a tired part of you underneath.

A part that has been carrying everything.
Over-functioning.
Being dependable for everyone.

Someone else’s rest doesn’t threaten you —
it reveals your own need for it.

Your body is whispering:
“Please… I’m exhausted too.”

⸻

5. When Sensitivity Looks Like Weakness

If emotional softness makes you uncomfortable,
you may have learned that your tenderness was “too much.”

Maybe you heard:
“Don’t cry.”
“Don’t make a scene.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
“Be easy.”

So you armored up.

Now, when you see softness in someone else,
you’re seeing your own softness — the one you had to protect.

⸻

Judgment Isn’t the Enemy — It’s a Message

This is not about criticizing yourself.

This is about listening.

Judgment is a signal.
A doorway.
A map back to the parts of you that were asked to go quiet.

Next time judgment rises, try asking:

• What part of me is being reflected here?
• What did I once need that wasn’t safe to express?

Not with blame.
But with curiosity.

⸻

Healing Is Remembering Who You Were Before the World Told You Who to Be

You don’t have to become someone new.
You’re simply returning to who you were
before survival required you to split off pieces of yourself.

The goal isn’t to eliminate judgment.

The goal is to soften.
To stay open.
To allow what’s reflected to become an opportunity for healing.

Because every part of you — the bold, the sensitive, the steady, the emotional, the tired, the brave —
was always worthy of love.

🤍
~Jenn

⸻

I work with women who struggle with anxiety, self-worth, and the emotional wounds left from trauma, abandonment, and high-functioning survival.

If you’re feeling the pull to reconnect with yourself, I offer free consultations — a space to ask questions, feel it out, and see if working together feels supportive.

📞 918.214.8109
📧 ahutchbetterlife@aol.com
🌐 ahutchbetterlife.com

You don’t have to walk this journey alone.

Emotional Roadmap to Emotional Health

11/17/2025

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