David E. Desmond & Son Funeral Home

07/24/2024

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01/01/2022

12/28/2021

How to Explain the Loss of a Loved One to a Child

The loss of a loved one is without a doubt one of the most emotionally challenging experiences we can undergo in life. No matter our age or years of experience, all of us can find ourselves devastated by the loss of someone we love. While we as adults have already been subject to life’s disappointments, ups and downs and unexpected life changes, children on the other hand, most likely have yet to have been exposed to death or grief in their lives. Therefore, it can be rather difficult and overwhelming to be faced with delivering news of such a nature to children. For a child, it can be quite terrifying to be confronted with information of this magnitude. And it can be just as scary as an adult to be the messenger of news like this – especially to a child whose entire life’s view and perspective is about to be shattered and forever changed.
As parents, grandparents, or guardians, we can sometimes find ourselves in a position in which we need to be able to communicate to our children about life’s tougher and darker predicaments and situations. As you prepare to deliver difficult news of the loss of a loved one to a child, we wanted to offer you helpful tips and recommendations to help you establish a healthy foundation from which your little one can develop an awareness and understanding of death and life changes that will help you both cope, adapt and adjust through the grief process.
Explaining Death to a Child
Here are a few recommendations and guidelines to keep in mind when trying to explain the concept of death and the loss of a loved one to a child.

Take their Age and Developmental Level into Consideration
As the concept of death is complex and abstract, and can therefore be hard for a child to grasp or make sense of, it is important to understand that at different ages, children have the capacity for different levels of comprehension. For instance, while preschoolers can see life in a magical way and may attempt to use their imagination to explain death, by middle school age kids are able to develop more of a solid understanding of death. Thus, try to structure how you deliver the news to a child in a way that will cater to their age and development level.

Avoid Describing Unnecessary Details
Again, as death is not an easy concept to grasp or understand, especially for a child, it is important to be cautious and delicate with how you approach the subject. We recommend that you don’t delve too deeply into the details of how your loved one passed away, as it may cause a child unnecessary trauma. Remember, they are first just becoming familiar with the concept of death at all, let alone having to confront all details of what ensued and their new reality. Try to keep your explanation and any answers to their questions as simple as possible to enable your child to more easily and comfortably acquire an understanding of the situation at hand.
Monitor Your Level of Emotion as You Deliver the News
As challenging as it can be to remain level and calm after experiencing a heartrending situation of losing a loved one, it is important to not allow your emotions to get the best of you as you attempt to communicate about the concept of death to a child. It’s not a good idea to talk to your little one about death while you’re crying hysterically or lack the mental clarity to fluidly convey information of such a difficult nature. Keep in mind that your level of emotion and body language can significantly impact a child’s perspective and understanding of what ensued, as well as influence how well they are ultimately able to adapt to the news. Therefore, try your best to communicate about the loss to your child once you have calmed down and are able to better process the news, yourself.

Create a Safe and Comforting Space
The environment in which you deliver difficult news to a child can affect how well a child is able to handle the information. It’s very important that your child feels comfortable and empowered in the space to allow themselves to be fully present and able to openly share their emotions with you. Encourage your child to let out their feelings and help them understand that they are allowed to express their emotions, and however they feel in the moment is acceptable. You can encourage this by also communicating about your emotions and letting your child know how you feel. By setting the example that it’s ok to demonstrate your feelings, your child has an opportunity to better comprehend what he or she is also feeling and experiencing.
It is also recommended to use a familiar and comfortable environment in which to confide in your child. While it is best to avoid a room with many disruptive distractions such as technological devices which can make it more difficult to get a child’s undivided attention, it is a good idea to use children’s play things and toys as they can serve a therapeutic purpose and be of comfort to them in an emotionally charged situation.
Provide Reassuring And Comforting Responses.
You can expect your child to ask questions while you try to explain to them about the concept of death and the loss of a loved one. Try your best to not ignore these questions and avoid offering vague answers. Try to offer honest answers in a comforting and simple way, instead. When presented with a topic of this magnitude, the last thing your child wants to hear is “that’s just how it is” or “now, it’s time to grow up and tough it out.” They’re likely to appreciate solid, yet compassionate and understanding answers that won’t leave them feeling hanging, confused or pressured into a new role that they feel they must now assume.

Take Time to Be There for Your Child.
As your little one’s worldview is disrupted and changed by the loss of someone they held close to their heart, you will want to try to offer them the time and space to help them better grasp the difficult news, as well as to process and adjust to the situation. Understand that they may need some time to take in the information, and as you can’t predict how your child will react, it’s best to allow them whatever time they need to listen and cope with the news. Perhaps, consider taking them to the park after, go out for some ice cream, or watch an enjoyable TV show together. Remember, the most important thing is to be simply present to provide them some much-needed comfort and support.
Talk to Your Child About the Events that Come After Someone Passes Away.
It’s important to communicate to our little ones about the rituals and traditions that usually come along after someone passes away, such as funeral and memorialization services so they know what to expect. If your child has never been to a funeral, take some time to explain what it involves so they can have a better understanding of the events to come.

Be Ok With Saying “I Don’t Know.”
Death is a very complex topic that we certainly don’t have all of the answers to. As your child gets older, he or she will also learn as well all eventually do, how to accept the unknowns of death and the universe.However, at this time as you are trying to explain the concept of death to your little one, you of course don’t have all the answers so understand that you are not expected to be able to offer specific answers. It is perfectly acceptable to be honest with your child and simply say, “I dont know.” While you may not have answers, your love and support is an absolute they your little one can rely on in this troubled time.

Let Your Child Process Things in His or Her Own Way.
Remember, you can’t predict how your child is going to react to the news. You’ll want to be prepared to accept whatever their reaction is, how they feel in the moment and how they behave. Both of you will be going through a grieving process and it is important to give both of yourselves grace and patience during this time, and the space to react and behave in whatever way feels natural or appropriate. Be a comforting, loving and compassionate presence and focus on fostering healthy communication with your loved one that helps your child feel more secure to let out their thoughts and emotions in a healthy way. And let your child know that there is no one or right way to think, feel or behave when it comes to an emotionally difficult situation like this.

We All Experience Grief Differently
We hope this guide lends a helping hand as well as offers you some peace and reassurance during a difficult time like this. Remember that grief is a very unique and complex process, and some kids might need long-term support to be able to cope with their feelings. Ultimately, how your child takes to learning news of this nature will depend on many factors including how close they were to the deceased, as well as the support and environment around them.

Unfortunately, death is an inevitability of life, and at some point you will need to teach your children about the realities of life and death. By approaching the situation in a patient, loving and compassionate way, you can provide comfort to your child during an emotionally challenging situation and better help them understand and accept the concept of death and the loss of a loved one.

12/28/2021

5 Crucial Things to Consider Telling Your Parents Before They Pass

While saying goodbye to loved ones is never easy, very few things can be compared to the pain and sorrow that come with the passing of our most cherished and life-long guardians, our parents. Woefully, this is a time that we must all go through at some point and we can never fully be prepared for the feelings that we will be faced with.
We understand that not all of us had the same experiences growing up and that not all families possess the same dynamics. We all come from different backgrounds with our own unique upbringings and circumstances and while some may look back fondly on those days, others may have memories of dysfunctional childhoods beset by distress and perhaps, even trauma. Also, we all differ in the relationships and communication that we have with our parents. Still, no matter what our upbringing entailed or the relationships that we may now have with our parents, saying goodbye to those who gave us life is a universal experience and it should be approached with love, an open heart, compassion and sincerity.
There are certain key things you should consider telling your parents when the time has come to say goodbye to them to convey how much they have meant to you, to heal any existing tension and to hopefully find peace and closure at the end of this emotionally charged chapter. We have compiled a list of 5 of the most important things below you should consider telling parents before they pass to help you say your goodbyes.

1. Express Your Gratitude and Say Thank You to Your Parents
It is not unusual for most of us to think we’ve shown enough gratitude and appreciation to our parents. We may often feel that accepting their many gifts and emotional support is enough of a thank you. However, it’s almost impossible to show enough gratitude to those who have granted us the gift of life and have dedicated their entire lives toward our well-being and joy.
Consider expressing your gratitude to your parents at this time as a reminder to them that you are grateful for everything they have done for you, that you appreciate their love and sacrifices and to convey everything they have meant to you. Even if you may feel as if you can’t find anything to thank your parents for, we encourage you to find gratitude in your heart even if it is for something as simple and basic as granting you the gift of life. While leading with gratitude no matter your circumstances can help make saying goodbye to your parents a little easier and offer comfort to a heavy heart, there is also a poignant power to offering loved ones a clean slate as they embark on this closing chapter of life. Never underestimate the meaning of a sincere and compassionate thank you.

2. Accept Their Apology or Grant Them Your Forgiveness
While supporting a loved one who is terminal is always wrought with a mix of difficult emotions, it can be even more painful if you reach this point while still holding grudges or if you have existing, open emotional wounds. It’s not an easy thing to be human. We are expected and guaranteed to make some mistakes in life and possibly hurt others in some way or another, including those we love. Just like any other people walking around on this earth, our parents are also only human and can also make mistakes. Although it is not easy by any means, we encourage you to let go of any grudges or resentment you may be carrying against them and consider granting your parents forgiveness for any wrongdoings they have caused you, before it’s too late.
Understand that granting forgiveness does not necessarily absolve someone of their wrongdoings, but it can allow you and your loved ones to find emotional peace and also ultimately enjoy and make the most of the time you have left together.

3. Express To Them How Much They Will Be Missed
We might think that it’s obvious that our parents know they will be missed after they pass. However, explicitly expressing to them how much they have meant to you in your life opens a door to creating or strengthening a powerful and enduring emotional connection and bond. Conveying to your parents how their passing is of immense grief and sorrow for you will make them feel appreciated and loved, as well as ensure that their hearts are as full as possible, knowing the impact they have left on those who loved them the most, their children.

4. Speak with Them About Their Family Lines and Ask Them to Help You Create Your Family Tree
This is a good segway into discussing how you can further celebrate how much your parents have meant to you as well as pay tribute to their life and memory by asking them to help you create your family tree. Building a family tree and speaking to your parents about your lineage and their family lines helps to establish and pay homage to their legacy, help you draw out the continuation of their family lines, and offer your pieces of family history that will be of profound value to you and your future generations. It is a good idea to consider speaking to your parents and asking them questions about your genealogy and lineage before they pass as you don’t want to lose out on this chance to deepen your bond with them in this way while you still have time together and to obtain these precious piece of your family information and history.

5. Tell Them How Much You Love Them
While such a simple sentiment, we often take for granted the depth of meaning behind those three little words. Saying “I love you” is one of the most beautiful and meaningful gifts we can offer those we love. If you ask anyone out there, the one thing people often wish they could say to their parents if they had one last chance to see them, is “I love you.”
As many of us go through a rebellious phase at some points in our childhoods and may still have tense relationships with our parents into adulthood, our parents may have often heard how much we disliked them or even worse how we feel our lives would be better off without them. You may even think that you’ve already said “I love you,” enough times to them, as well. The truth is you can never convey to someone how much you love them too many times. And you don’t want to miss out on your last opportunity to do so. Saying “I love you” this one last time before they pass will help heal existing tension and any emotional wounds you may still have as well offer you and your parents comfort during a difficult time.
Saying Goodbye to Those We Love

As you prepare yourself to say goodbye to your parents and try to find the right words to express how much you love them and your gratitude for all they have done for you, we want to remind you that ultimately simply being there for them at this time is the most important thing you can do. Beyond anything you can say, your presence and support will be the ultimate gift you can grant them on their final days. If being present with your parents in person is not an option for you, you can always consider writing a letter to express your love and how much they have meant to you.

Lastly, understand that losing our parents is one of the most emotionally challenging experiences we can face and it is not only ok, but it is to be expected to be grieving and in need of additional help and assistance at a time like this. We encourage you to seek help and support and find some comfort in the many resources available and designed to help you cope during this time. We hope that this guide will have been able to offer you some guidance to help make the process of saying goodbye to your parents a little easier, and that it helps you cherish the remaining time you have left with them.

09/21/2021

Dear Friends in Christ,

It is with a heavy heart that we share with you news of the passing of our beloved pastor, Rev. Thomas Murphy. Please keep Father Murphy and his family and friends in your prayers. We will send additional information when the family and diocese has made plans for the Rite of Christian Burial and we have the details available to us.

Also, we are in touch with the diocese about our pastoral needs and someone to fulfill our parishes' sacramental needs. We will also keep you notified of how we will be managing the needs of the parish in coming weeks.

At a difficult time like this, we need to remember that we are all the Church. We are the hands and feet of Christ in this world. In honor of Fr. Tom, let's be sure that we pull together as one parish family in our grief and loss.

May the soul of Fr. Tom and all the faithful departed rest in peace.

09/20/2021

Grief comes in waves.

07/05/2021

Words to live by